Letters to Gramercy
by OhMyWord
Summary: I reached down; it was a plain, lined sheet of paper. I should have just crumbled it up, I shouldn’t have read the first couple of lines, and I shouldn’t have folded the paper and put it in my jacket pocket.
1. Chapter 1

Author's Note: Enjoy! Also, there are pictures for this story on my profile.

Nice reviews are better than chocolate, unless maybe you're licking that chocolate off someone.

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One

"I've already bought tickets, so you're coming with us and you're going to have a good time whether you like it or not." Alice still managed to look determined even while sitting in the tiny chair at one of the desks of my kindergarten classroom.

"You didn't have to pay for my-"

She waved me off, "it's your birthday present from me and Rose. Ok, your turn."

"I can't take that much time off of work; it's the beginning of the school year."

Alice grinned, "I already talked to Principal McHenry and she says it's perfectly fine. Do you realize you haven't taken a single day off since you started here?"

I stared at her, wide eyed. How does she do that? "But, Mike…"

She gave me a dry look, "is that all you've got left?"

I knew all too well what she thought of my boyfriend, but I thought I might as well throw him into the excuse pile too. I sighed and she jumped up, knowing she'd won.

"Excellent! Now get up and let's go." It was Friday which meant the weekly women only dinner and drinks. In the beginning, they seemed kind of silly to me; I mean, we saw each other all the time. But after the past two years I'd begun to see them as a lifeline, the one evening a week where people didn't look at me with pity in their eyes, where I didn't have to listen to the whispers of "why is she still working here then?" or the old familiar "oh that poor thing."

I grabbed my purse and followed Alice out of the classroom. I worked as a teacher in a very small private school in Balboa, California. I didn't have to, but I loved working with the kids; it was my only other social interaction if you didn't count Alice and Rose. It was walking distance to the beach, if you didn't mind a bit of a walk, and the grounds were beautiful. Our Lady of the Sea was a one floor, Spanish style building set up in a "U" shape with the middle of the "U" reserved for the faculty and staff's break times. I typically went there to read by a fountain that sat against one of the outer walls; it was covered in ivy and I liked to pretend, for a moment, that things weren't really the way they were.

I followed Alice through the narrow streets of Balboa to the peninsula where Rose's home was; she lived in an exclusive area right at the tip with unbroken views of the ocean. We pulled in to the extra spaces in her garage against the back of the house and walked around to the front. Alice took off her sunglasses and opened the front door without knocking, "hey lady! We're here!"

Rose came into the foyer from the kitchen wearing a white bikini and a white cover-up that went to mid-thigh. She gave us each a kiss on the cheek before turning to me. "You're coming, right?"

I gave her a drawn out "yes" and she smiled brightly. "I feel a little overdressed, by the way," I added.

"Speaking of which, did you tell her-"

Alice cut her off with a glare.

"Tell her what?" I asked.

Alice took a step closer, "well, I got you a few things to wear for the trip. Don't worry," she said before I could protest her spending even more money on me, "they're from my own line so they didn't cost me anything. You need to look like you belong in New York, Bella. I won't have you walking around the city looking like a tourist."

"You have me completely packed already, don't you?"

"Just clothes, shoes, accessories, and some new perfume, you can pack all your toiletries before we leave in the morning."

"Well, thanks."

"Ok, now that that's settled, do you guys want to eat outside? Everything is ready," Rose was already walking into the kitchen.

Alice and I looked at each other, "you cooked?" We asked at the same time.

"Are you kidding? Maria's delivers. I did go out and buy the alcohol though." She reached into the fridge and took out a six pack of beer and a few limes, Alice grabbed the foil covered containers of food while I took care of plates and silverware. My mouth was practically watering as I remembered I'd skipped lunch that day. We walked out the front door and onto the deck, setting everything on a circular table overlooking the beach. I slipped off my shoes and stretched, letting the sun warm my legs and feet. Alice did the same, tossing off her heels and hanging her tan leather jacket on the back of her chair.

I uncovered the steaming food while plates got passed around. "Ok, tortillas, lemons, bell peppers, sour cream, and more limes are in this one…and rice, beans, and chicken over here." We passed everything around, including the beer. I ate two helpings of food while Rosalie went on about her latest obsession. She'd stopped working when she got married and now had a lot of free time on her hands. She belonged to a car club, did yoga on Mondays and Wednesdays, went for a run every morning, and went through new hobbies on an almost weekly basis. This time around she'd discovered a book about getting what you wanted through visualization or something like that; I couldn't possibly imagine what else she might want.

"So you just think about what you want and you get it?" Alice raised an eyebrow skeptically.

"You have to really want it; it helps if you write it down." Rose's expression was emphatic.

"Have you tried it?" I asked, squeezing the last of the juice from my lime wedge into my bottle.

"Not yet." She opened her second bottle and cut up another lime. "But I'm going to," she looked up at us from under her eyelashes. "Emmett and I are going to try and have a baby," she smiled, "hence the enjoyment of beer while I still can."

I reached out to touch her hand, "that's wonderful, I'm so happy for you guys." I smiled through the slight sting of envy I felt.

"Do you have names picked out?" Alice asked, almost bouncing with excitement. "I can plan your shower!"

"I'm not pregnant yet," Rose grinned.

"_Yet_, but you will be," Alice nodded.

"You sound pretty certain," I said.

"I am. I have a feeling about these kinds of things."

We talked until it got dark; it was fun and for a while I was able to completely immerse myself in their worlds.

I had to drive Alice home; she seemed to have forgotten how tiny she was and drank a bit too much. Of course, a bit too much for Alice was only two beers. "Is he going to be at your apartment?" She asked, resting her head back; her eyes half closed.

"I don't know, probably. What time are we leaving tomorrow?" I asked, changing the subject.

"Rose is coming to get me at eight and then we'll pick you up; don't accidentally on purpose forget your suitcase." She was referring to the one she'd packed for me that was now sitting in the trunk of my car.

I pulled up in front of her condo; it wasn't much bigger than my apartment, but her mortgage was astronomical. I undid my seatbelt to walk her to the front entrance of the complex, but she stopped me. "No, no, I got it." She leaned over and kissed me on the cheek. "Things are going to be looking up for you soon."

"And how do you-"

She interrupted me, tapping her temple with one finger.

I thought about Alice and Rosalie on my way to my apartment. I was so happy for them, but things seemed to come to them in a way they didn't come to me. In fact, things seemed to come to me in the exact opposite way. I didn't linger on it for long; what's that old cliché? Play the hand you're dealt.

I let myself into my apartment; it definitely didn't look like this when I left for work this morning. There was a pair of dirty work boots by the front door, socks on the floor a few inches away from them. I saw Mike's feet dangling off the edge of the couch, the rest of his body obscured. The television was tuned to a show I'd never seen before. "Hey baby," he called. "How's my best girl?"

"Hey," I replied. I moved into the adjoining kitchen to deposit my purse, dragging my suitcase behind me. Remnants of whatever Mike had for dinner were strewn about and I set my things down to clean up the mess. When I was finished, I walked over and sat on the arm of the couch. "So, Alice and Rosalie surprised me with a trip for my birthday."

"Uh-huh," his eyes remained fastened to the TV screen.

"To New York, I'm leaving tomorrow," I said, trying to get a reaction.

His eyes flickered up to mine, "not a lot of notice. How long are you going to be gone?"

"I'll be back next Saturday." He nodded, not saying anything. "Well, I'm going to take a shower." I stood and picked up my suitcase. "Oh, and Mike? If I leave you my itinerary can you pick me up from the airport next week?"

He looked up and smiled, "of course, baby, anything you want."

I wasn't really sure why I asked him; initially I thought it was because I didn't want to put Alice or Rosalie out, not that they would have cared. Regardless, I felt vaguely satisfied by his promise and stepping into the shower I thought to myself, it's really not that bad.


	2. Chapter 2

Author's Note: I hope you're liking it so far, now for a little Edward.

Nice reviews are better than chocolate, unless maybe you're licking that chocolate off someone.

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Two

"Edward, you may be the last remaining American that doesn't own a cell phone. Don't forget the blueprints for the University addition. You know, this would be a lot easier if you just picked up your phone once in a while or are you officially a shut-in now?"

I laughed at Jasper's rant and picked up the phone, swallowing my last bit of coffee. "You're one to talk, when was the last time you went out with anyone besides me?"

"Ditto."

"Touché."

"So, do you have the revised blueprints?" He asked; I could hear the traffic noises behind him.

"Yeah…are you still at your apartment?"

"No…I'm standing outside it," I heard a muffled "_Taxi!_"

I chuckled to myself, "I could walk and get to the office before you."

"That's because you live in Gramercy, you're almost a straight shot," the sounds of street noise dimmed and I could hear Jasper giving the taxi driver an address. "I'll see you in a few."

We hung up and I slipped my suit jacket on, grabbed my things, and walked out the door. I juggled my belongings as I locked up, managing to keep everything in my hands. I was early enough that I had time to grab another coffee on the corner before I hailed a cab; I'm not too ashamed to admit that I'm a bit of an addict. I gave the driver the address to my firm and held on while he weaved in and out of traffic - lights, lanes, and other signals merely general guidelines which he wholly ignored.

I tossed my empty cup into the garbage and straightened my tie near the bank of elevators inside. After a few minutes I saw Jasper jogging toward me, brushing some hair away from his face. He nodded in greeting as I hit the button for the elevator. We were the two youngest architects at Perkins Eastman, one of the most prestigious firms in New York City. The two of us tended to get underestimated, but now we were on our way to a meeting that could possibly land us our first multi-million dollar account. Jasper and I exchanged a quick glance to steady ourselves before walking into the conference room.

"That was excellent," Jasper was still saying even though it was now the end of the day. The meeting couldn't have gone any better; it also helped that Jasper and the representative grew up in the same town in Texas. The plan had been for me to show the revised blueprints, but he took control and soon enough, contracts were being drawn up. "C'mon, let's get a drink," he offered.

"I was just going to go –"

"No, it's Friday, it's tradition."

"No it isn't."

"Well it is now."

We gathered our things and took a walk to a nearby watering hole, Old Town Bar; it wasn't my favorite place to go for a drink, the bartender was a little overly zealous in her pursuit, but it was close by. There were no tables open so we took a seat at the bar and despite my optimism that she wouldn't be there, she was. She saw me as well. "Edward," she drew out my name as she said it; Jasper stifled a laugh.

"Hello Tanya," I said in what I hoped was a congenial manner.

I don't think she realized that Jasper was with me. "You haven't been here in a while, to what do I owe the pleasure?" She purred.

"We landed a new account at our firm," Jasper said, loosening his tie. He knew very well what Tanya's feelings were toward me, but he liked to have his fun.

"Congratulations!" She reached out and touched my arm. "Well then, the first drink is on me, what can I get you?"

We ordered in spite of my protests and I immediately began looking for an open table. There was one I thought was open in the back, furthest from the bar, but on closer inspection I noticed there was actually a woman sitting there alone. She appeared to be writing something which struck me as odd; a bar didn't seem like the best place to write anything. I couldn't see her face, but her body language suggested she wanted to be left alone. I'm not sure why I was paying so much attention; looking at her was actually reminding me of my own loneliness, not that I would admit something like that.

Jasper and I talked for a while, truthfully, Jasper talked while I tried to subtly reject Tanya's advances. After a time I sneaked a glance at the table with the lonely looking brunette; she appeared to be getting ready to leave. As she got up, holding her coat, purse, and whatever she'd been writing, a man who had already had a few too many bumped into her, sending both of their belongings flying. I got up to help as the woman scrambled to pick everything up. However, by the time I was near enough, she was standing up and rushing out the door. Jasper excused himself to go to the bathroom as I took the now vacant table.

I slid into the seat the woman had been sitting in and as I was, I heard something crumple under my foot. I reached down; it was a plain, lined sheet of paper. I should have just crumbled it up, I shouldn't have read the first couple of lines, and I shouldn't have folded the paper and put it in my jacket pocket.

It was late by the time I got back to my apartment; I unlocked the door and walked straight for the bedroom. After I undressed and got ready for bed, I slipped on my reading glasses and got under the covers, resting my back against the headboard. I unfolded the letter, feeling a little bit like a cad but unable to help myself, and started to read.

_Dear Whoever You Are,_

_This is one of the least thought out things I've ever written; I can't believe I let Rosalie talk me into this. No, that's not true, I talked myself into this. So…I feel a little stupid. Should I start with what I want? Or what I don't want? That might be easier. I don't want this to be it for me. I don't want a boyfriend that treats me like he doesn't care, that treats me like a maid, a cook, and an overall burden. I don't know how I became that girl; it's not exactly what I hoped to be growing up. It's sad that the highlight of my day is when he looks up from the television to say hello. But he's been through so much with me; he stood by me through everything I went through two years ago and he really hasn't asked much of me. Don't I owe it to him to stick it out? I don't know, maybe that's for another time._

_So, what do I actually want? Good question. Most of the time I feel like what I want is so simple and still so completely out of my reach. I want to smile again, to be happy for people and really mean it. I want to not feel so lonely. I want to know what real love feels like. I want the little things, doing the Sunday crossword together in bed, going for walks in the fall because the leaves are so pretty (not that they actually change color here), someone who doesn't throw off their shoes in the entryway, someone who shares the covers and the bed, someone with passion and drive, someone who really sees me. _

_I don't know, maybe no one ever really gets everything they want. Things aren't so bad, I have friends who I adore, that matters. I don't have to worry about how I'm going to make rent or where my next meal is coming from. Maybe I'm just being selfish. _

The letter ended there. I felt distinctly awful for reading it; this woman had opened herself up and now here I was, thoughtlessly invading her privacy. The sheet of paper even had my shoeprint on it. I tried to straighten out the folds as best I could, not that I knew why, when I noticed something else written across the back. The handwriting was the same as the letter and again I couldn't stop myself. There was a name, _Bella Swan,_ an address, and underneath that it said, _in case you've forgotten._ I smiled sadly, what had this girl been through? What was she still going through?

I felt the need to do something, but I had no idea what. I sat for a while, turning the letter over in my hands, feeling the indentations from the words on the paper. Around 2 a.m. I got up and went to my desk, rifling through a drawer until I found a small stack of white, unlined paper. That would have to do; I pulled out a pen and got to work.


	3. Chapter 3

Author's Note: Thank you for the reviews and everything else, it makes me smile.

Nice reviews are better than chocolate, unless maybe you're licking that chocolate off someone.

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Three

The trip was fantastic; I didn't even mind all the shopping, though I mostly picked up trinkets I could share with my class. When we got to Manhattan it was the night before my birthday and we were all exhausted so we checked into our hotel near Times Square and went straight to bed. The next day we hit the Met and the library (my New York birthday wish); after that Alice got us into a club where you actually needed a key. We went everywhere, Central Park, the Statue of Liberty, shopping on 5th Avenue, the Guggenheim, a show at the Lincoln Center, and a special stop at Bryant Park. "Next year, ladies, I'll be here showing for Fashion Week." I, for one, didn't doubt it for a second.

On Friday, our last day, we decided to split up. Rosalie and Alice wanted to go back to 5th Avenue, so I opted to take the day for myself. I started out at Columbus Park, watching the locals play dominos and do tai chi, and eventually found myself walking along a tall wrought iron fence surrounding one of the most beautiful parks I'd ever seen. I had no idea really where I was so I looked around for some indication. Finally, I worked up my nerve to ask someone which neighborhood I was in. He was an older man walking a tall Doberman, he smiled, "Gramercy," he nodded toward the park, "I've lived around here for twenty years and even I don't have a key."

"A key?"

"To the park, it's private."

"Oh," I tried not to sound disappointed. "Well, thanks," I smiled. He nodded before walking away. I faced the fence to look inside; there was an older couple inside sharing a bench. The woman was resting her head on the man's shoulder, his arm was around her; I had a sudden urge to take a photograph. _See, it exists! _

My cell phone rang, it was Alice. "Hey, where are you?"

"Gramercy Park, are you guys still shopping?"

"We're just about done; Rosalie had to buy a whole other suitcase. Want to meet for dinner at seven?"

I checked my watch; it was a little after five. She told me where to meet them and I continued my walk. I couldn't stop thinking about the couple from the park; it was starting to depress me. I didn't want a drink, but when I passed a bar I walked inside anyway. There was an open table in the back so I sat down to think. After a few minutes, thinking turned to writing. I don't know why I did it; I didn't even know I had any paper until I looked inside my bag. Call it a last ditch effort, or a purging of thoughts, I don't know. When I was finished though, I didn't really feel any better so I got up, bumping a man that looked like he'd had more than his share of drinks; we both dropped most of what we were carrying. He laughed loudly and apologized while we sorted out what belonged to whom. By that point, I was close to being late for dinner so I rushed out, ignoring the man's questions about where I was off to.

I'd completely forgotten about my letter to myself until I was packing later that night. "Hey you guys, have you seen-," I stopped myself. If they had seen it, they probably would have said something already, besides, I didn't think I'd want either of them finding it anyway. "Nevermind." We finished packing; it was amusing watching Rose and Alice get creative about saving space.

We were up early the next day and I still hadn't found my paper; it bothered me, but I tried to shrug it off. The flight went smoothly and by the time we'd claimed our bags, we were all ready to go home. Emmett picked up Rosalie wearing pajama pants even though it was the middle of the afternoon. She kissed him, mumbling, "I'm gone for one week…" She waved goodbye; we could tell she was suddenly preoccupied.

"Need a ride home?" Alice asked once Rose was gone.

"No, that's ok, Mike's coming to get me," I fiddled with the strap on my suitcase.

She gave me a long hug goodbye before leaving. I waited for Mike outside in front of baggage claim, after a few minutes I sat on my suitcase. After a half hour, I pulled out my phone. I called twice, but it went to voicemail both times. I decided to wait; _he said he would be here_. There were plenty of things that could have happened and there was probably traffic too. It was rush hour, I reminded myself, and in all likelihood it was a parking lot on the freeway. After another hour, I called him again and it went to voicemail. I watched people saying goodbye to loved ones, saying hello; they all looked tired. I looked around as if somewhere in front of me I'd find the answer that would undo the knot growing in my stomach.

I refused to call Alice, I couldn't bear to hear her say 'I told you so' and I knew well enough not to even try and call Rose. I remembered it was about an hour drive, depending on traffic. I sighed and got in the taxi line.

The sun was setting by the time I got home. I carted my now even heavier suitcase up the stairs to my apartment and unlocked the door. Inside, somebody was laughing. I dropped my suitcase in the entryway, making their heads turn in my direction. "You're back!" Mike said, a strangely pleased expression on his face. I didn't know what the hell he had to be pleased about.

I just stood there, looking at him, looking at the girl on my couch. There was a PlayStation set up on the floor next to my television; the girl was holding one of the controllers. She looked nervous. But like water through a sieve, I felt my anger draining away; I was too tired for this. Truth be told, I didn't even really care. "I'm going to go lay down; I'd like the two of you out of my apartment when I get up," I said without emotion. I carried my things into the bedroom and shut the door, then went into the bathroom to take a shower. I used all the hot water.

It was quiet when I woke up; I looked at the clock, 12:30 a.m. The wood floors were cold on my feet as I padded into the living room. Mike was still there, sitting on the couch, the TV on low. "What are you still doing here?" My voice sounded thick.

"I was waiting for you, you seemed kinda mad earlier."

I walked around to stand in front of the TV, "I asked you to leave."

"I didn't think you really meant it," he lifted half his mouth in a smile like his answer was obvious.

"You were supposed to pick me up today," I paused to gauge his reaction. "From the airport," I added.

He shrugged, "sorry, I thought you weren't getting home until tomorrow. I had a lot going on this week too, you know."

"I had to spend a hundred and fifty dollars on a cab ride."

He made a face I couldn't read. "It's not like you can't afford it."

I could feel the apathy being replaced by anger. "Get out."

"Look, I'm sorry ok, I forgot, but you got home, no harm done."

"I said leave." I was beginning to seriously debate throwing his things out the window to get my point across. "It's over."

"You don't mean that."

"Stop saying that…just get out." I watched him stand up and walk over to where his shoes were; he put them on without speaking.

"I'll call you when I can pick up my stuff," he said as he opened the door; without a backward glance he walked out.

I slumped to the floor feeling somehow defeated. The man I'd spent the last three years with just walked right out like none of it mattered. What did I _want_ to happen? I argued with myself. What did I want him to do? I wanted him to fight for me, to beg for forgiveness, to change for me. I wanted him to say that he couldn't live without me.

At the very least, I wanted him to offer to repay me for the cab ride.


	4. Chapter 4

Author's Note: Thank you's all around :)

Nice reviews are better than chocolate, unless maybe you're licking that chocolate off someone.

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Four

I waited almost a whole week before telling anyone that I'd broken up with Mike; it took less than half that time to mourn the relationship. He called that Thursday to let me know he would be by on Sunday to pick up his things. I told my friends at our weekly dinner at Rosalie's house.

"Thank God!" "Freaking finally!" were their respective replies.

"So what did he do?" Rose asked.

"Nothing, he just got up and left."

"He didn't even _try_ and apologize or anything?" Alice screwed up her face in disbelief.

I cleared my throat, sharing suddenly didn't seem like the best idea. I could feel the hurt simmering beneath my still surface. It wasn't him specifically, just the fact that I had been so wrong about the way he'd felt about me. He hadn't really cared at all. I wondered again how I didn't realize it sooner. "No, I don't think he cared enough to," I couldn't stop my voice from catching as I spoke. Rosalie reached out and touched the top of my hand.

"He's not worth it."

I shook my head, "it's not him. It's just…I was so easily tossed aside." I said it quietly, half hoping they wouldn't hear me.

Alice shook her head, "don't think that way, that's just how Mike is. He doesn't care about anyone."

I gave a half hearted smile, "yeah." I was trying to shake myself out of it, "he's coming over on Sunday to pick up his stuff. He has crap all over the place."

"Want to take it all to a pawn shop?" Rosalie offered.

I snorted a laugh, "no that's ok."

"We'll come over and help you pack it up, ok?" Alice and Rosalie nodded at the same time. I was grateful for the help.

My mailbox was stuffed full when I checked it that night; I yanked everything out and trudged up the stairs. Inside, I tossed my keys on the kitchen counter and flipped through the stack of junk mail and bills. At the bottom of the pile was a mailing envelope; I looked at the sender's address, New York City. I was wary as I opened it, had I done something while I was there and now I was in trouble? There were two sheets of paper, one crinkled which I recognized immediately and the other smooth and unlined. I looked at my own letter, but I couldn't bear to read it, instead I set it on the counter. I flipped the other sheet over to see what it said; it was handwritten.

_Dear Bella,_

_I tried to think of a way to make myself seem less sinister while still returning your letter, but probably failed. But I felt I needed to, it seemed too important for me to just toss aside. I confess that I read it, please forgive me (not that it's likely I'll ever know) and before you tear this up and throw it out just know that you're not alone. I've been thinking about what kind of pain you must be going through and though I can't possibly imagine, I can empathize with the loneliness._

_I, myself am a bit of a shut-in, or so I've been told. I'm also an architect at Perkins Eastman in Manhattan; my best friend, Jasper, and I have partnered up and just landed our first big account today. We were celebrating at the same bar where you wrote your letter (I took your table after you left which is where I found it)._

_So, if you're still reading this, here's a little more about me. I prefer staying in rather than going out, unless it's a quiet evening out. I read and listen to music on an almost obsessive level, I play the piano, I don't own a cell phone, and I'm a coffee addict._

_I'm sorry again for invading your privacy, but if you've read this far, that's something right? And you're not forgotten by me. I'll leave you be now, my address is on the envelope on the off chance you'd like to write to me (angry or otherwise)._

_Sincerely,_

_Edward Cullen_

I put it down and threw away my unimportant mail on autopilot, then read it again. When I was finished, I went back to the first paragraph - _But I felt I needed to, it seemed too important for me to just toss aside. _It was funny; I had just used that same phrase earlier that day, toss aside. I shook my head, this was silly, he returned my letter – the end. I took mine with me into the bedroom and stuffed it in my nightstand; I left his on the counter.

On Sunday, Alice and Rose were at my apartment bright and early helping me sort through all the things Mike had accumulated over the last couple of years that I'd lived here. I'd brought boxes home from work which were set up on my kitchen table, slowly but surely being filled. "I'm assuming these are his?" Alice was using a tissue to hold up a brownish tinted pair of socks.

"Yeah," I watched as she threw them in the direction of a box; one of them missed. I turned back to where I was sitting on the floor of the living room, disconnecting his PlayStation.

"What's this?" She asked.

I could feel my stomach flutter even before I looked up, I already knew what she was talking about. The letter, it was still sitting on the counter. "What's what?" I asked as nonchalantly as I could muster, the deep blush on my face a striking contradiction to my tone.

"Should I read it?"

"Read what?" Rose walked in from the bathroom where she'd been gathering Mike's sundries. She dumped them into a box and looked over Alice's shoulder. "What is this?"

I jumped up and ran over, grabbing the letter out of Alice's hands. "It's nothing," I folded it up and stuck it in my jean's pocket. I knew I wasn't going to get out of this easily. "I dropped a letter I was writing that last day in New York and he found it and returned it, that's all."

"How did he get your address?" Alice shifted from one foot to the other.

"It was on my letter."

"So some stranger found it and thought it would be a good idea to write back?" Rose furrowed her eyebrows.

"It's not like that," I said, feeling defensive. "He was just being nice, he thought it might be important to me; it's no big deal."

Alice stared at me for a moment, "you're going to write him, aren't you?"

"No."

"Bella! You have no idea who this guy is; he could be a complete psycho! What if he's been following you all this time –"

"All what time?" I interrupted.

Alice ignored me, "what if he followed you to New York? And then you drop whatever you were writing and he thinks, aha! This is my chance! Then he seduces you –"

"Seduces me?"

"Into a false sense of security until he can go all Ted Bundy on you, did you ever think of that?"

I looked at her, a skeptical expression on my face. "I highly doubt it's as dramatic as that." It's true, I had wondered what made him want to not only send me my letter back, but write me as well; I still didn't know.

"Well, probably not, but still, you have no idea who this guy is," Alice said, crossing her arms in front of her chest. She softened her voice, "we just care about you."

Before I could say anything, there was a knock at my door. "I'll get it," Rose said, sounding chipper. She let Mike in; I noticed for the first time that even in flats, she stood several inches taller than him. "Hi, Mike," Rose stood too close; I could tell he was feeling uncomfortable. "There's your crap, take it and get out."

I stifled a laugh as Mike walked over to his things; I grabbed his PlayStation and the controllers and stuck them in a box. "Thanks," he mumbled. None of us offered to help, instead choosing to watch him as he tried to figure out the best way to grab all three boxes, plus open the door and get down the stairs.

"Here let me get that for you," Alice said sweetly. She glided over to the front door and opened it wide, while Mike struggled to keep everything in his arms.

"Mike, let me-," Alice cut me off with a sharp look. He managed to make it out the door and Alice slammed it behind him. "That was kind of mean, you guys," I couldn't make my expression as stern as I wanted to; I could feel the smile beginning to turn up the corners of my mouth. I wouldn't have dared to be that rude had I been alone.

Once the girls left, I spent the next hour or so wandering aimlessly around my apartment. Alice only mentioned Edward once more as she was leaving saying, "throw that out." At seven I made myself a bite to eat and took the letter with me to the table where I read it for a third time. I found myself smiling when I was finished, but I couldn't really pinpoint why. Against my better judgment, I pulled out some paper to reply.


	5. Chapter 5

Author's Note: Thank you for everything; you guys make my day a little brighter.

Nice reviews are better than chocolate, unless maybe you're licking that chocolate off someone.

* * *

Five

_Dear Edward,_

_I can't thank you enough for returning that to me; I wanted to get my thoughts out, but not out quite so literally. I was a little worried that one of my not-too-subtle friends might see it and make me explain. Suffice to say that the writing was a spur of the moment version of therapy._

_Anyway, I'm a kindergarten teacher here in California and I love it. The kids and my two best friends are the only thing keeping me from complete hermitage. _

"What's with you?" Jasper was standing in the doorway of our shared office. I flipped the letter face down on my desk and looked up at him.

"What?" I moved some files around on my desk, opening one, hoping that I appeared somewhat busy.

"You're acting…different." He moved to his desk and sat down, giving me another look.

"Am not."

"Mature." He unrolled a few large sheets of paper and got to work.

When he was sufficiently distracted, I pulled Bella's letter out from underneath the stack of files; this wasn't the first time I'd read it.

_In my spare time I read a lot and also write to random strangers from other states. Actually, only half of that is true. I enjoy the quiet as well; some people think I enjoy it a little too much. I have lots of favorites, but they change from day to day._

_How long have you played the piano? I've always wanted to learn to play something, but I never got around to it. Congratulations on the new account, by the way._

_As you can tell, I'm not angry for the privacy invasion; it's nice that you cared enough to write._

_Random Not-Quite-Stranger,_

_Bella _

"You're doing it again." Jasper brought me out of my reverie.

"I'm working, what?" I tried to sound mildly annoyed by his interruption, but he could see right through it.

"You have that look."

I grinned crookedly, "that _look_? This is my regular face."

Jasper shook his head and went back to work; I could see a quick grin form before he went back to his typical overly serious expression. We worked in companionable silence for the rest of the afternoon. At a few minutes after six, he went home; I stretched, preparing for a long night.

I made it home a little before nine o'clock; I walked straight into the bedroom as is the norm and undressed. _I don't throw off my shoes in the entryway_, I thought to myself. Where had that come from? I pulled on a pair of dark blue flannel pajama bottoms, _just a random, errant notion. _I walked barefoot down the hall and through the open kitchen, into the living room, Bella's letter in hand. It had been "in hand" since I'd gotten it for the most part; at the very least it was always where I could see it. There was something, nothing I could define at the moment, about it (or her if I was being honest with myself) that I was drawn to; I liked to be near her words. There was pain underneath everything, almost like it was her foundation. I wanted to protect her from it; I wanted her to let her guard down.

I lay back on the couch and unfolded it for the more than second or third time; the paper was becoming worn and creased from the multiple readings. When I was finished, I reached over to my ottoman and grabbed the paper I'd left there and a hard notebook to write on.

_Dear Not-Quite-Stranger,_

_My favorites are fairly stable – a good book, Clair de Lune, good conversation, and a run really early in the morning before most people are awake and I'm pretty set. I have a bit of a weakness for ice cream too; don't tell anyone (I don't want it to interfere with my rugged exterior)._

_I've played the piano since I was old enough to reach all the keys; at the time, my mother forced it on me. I'm glad she did though; it's my own 'spur of the moment therapy' if the need arises. Perhaps I'll teach you to play one day._

I don't know why I wrote that…I continued on before I could change my mind and take it out.

_I think it's sweet that you work with children, especially kids that young. Isn't that a great age? Too young for any real responsibility, but old enough that they're beginning to understand the world around them. I was quite the finger-painter at that age, I'll have you know. So, besides educating our youth, what else do you do? What are some of your more stationary favorites? Also, what's it like living in a place that doesn't snow? I've never really left the East Coast. Sorry, I just realized that was a lot of questions; feel free not to answer them all._

_Yours,_

_Edward the Interrogator _

I sealed the letter before I could change it and put it on a side table by the front door so I could mail it in the morning. I went to bed with the feeling that I'd been too forward, that I might be scaring her off.

_Two Weeks Later_

"It's not that I don't like the bar; I just don't like Tanya and you very well know why." I was growing tired of this topic of conversation. Jasper and I were working together in my office at home; it was Monday night and we had another meeting with our new client in the morning.

"I don't see why, she's attractive-,"

"Then you can date her." I rolled the sleeves of my work shirt up my forearms and stretched, feeling the tightness in my back. I carried all my tension there and in my neck; I was a little afraid that I'd be one of those men that walked hunched over when I got old.

"I'm not really into blondes. She obviously likes you though, what could it hurt?"

"My sense of decency." We worked quietly for a few minutes until I heard a knock at my door. I went to answer, happy to have the opportunity to move again.

I opened the door and my next door neighbor was on the other side; she was a woman about my mother's age, as a matter of fact they had been friends when my parents lived in this apartment. "Hello, Mrs. Bruckler, how can I help you?"

"Call me Lucy; Mrs. Bruckler makes me feel so old. This came to my mailbox today by mistake," she handed me a white envelope. I couldn't deny the speed up of my heartbeat as I saw who it was from.

"Thank you, Lucy."

"It's nothing, goodnight Edward." She smiled warmly at me before leaving.

I looked at the letter, so completely absorbed that for a moment I forgot I wasn't here alone. I didn't want to read it in front of Jasper, but I also didn't want to wait to open it. I could just open it at the front door, but I wanted to take my time with it. I put the letter into my back pocket and un-tucked my shirt to more fully hide it before walking back into the office. I sat down and pretended to work for what I thought was enough time before stretching again, yawning loudly at the same time. "Well, I think that's enough for today; I really need to get to bed."

"It's 9:30," Jasper looked up from his work.

"Yeah, but…we have a big meeting in the morning; we can't look exhausted."

"We are exhausted."

I stood up, "all the more reason to go to bed." I started walking toward the office door, hoping that he was following. I dared a look over my shoulder; Jasper was grabbing his jacket off the back of the chair. "We'll be fine, we've been over everything backward and forward. We could update him in our sleep." I clapped him on the back as he caught up with me.

He raised an eyebrow at me, "you have that look again."

"You're delirious, get some sleep." I opened the door and he left, throwing me a curious glance before heading toward the elevators. I felt a little guilty, but not for long. I walked into my bedroom, taking off my work clothes. I opened the letter, careful to not tear up the envelope in the process. I adjusted my reading glasses and settled into bed.

_Dear Edward,_

_Aside from the early morning run, all of your favorites are mine too; I like my sleep too much to drag myself out of bed. And I won't tell anyone about the ice cream if you tell me which flavor you like the best. Also, I'd love to learn to play the piano, and to hear you play some time. _

_I think you'd get a kick out of my kindergarten class; they're quite entertaining. Your finger-painting might have some competition; I have some pretty talented students._

_To tell you the truth, there isn't too much else interesting about me. I have a standing reservation for dinner at my girl friend Rosalie's house every Friday with our other friend, Alice. Those girls keep me sane. I also like taking pictures, but rarely have an opportunity to do so. I'm afraid my camera has been gathering dust for a while (and I forgot to bring it to New York!)._

_Let's see, stationary favorites…Wuthering Heights and Pride and Prejudice, sitting on the beach in the early evening, and Sundays where I don't have to worry about anything. As for growing up in a place that doesn't snow; it has its good points. I don't have to wear giant coats or check the tread on my tires before going out. Where on the East Coast did you grow up? Other than New York, I've never visited anywhere on that side of the Mississippi._

_Yours,_

_Bella the Willingly Interrogated_

Not surprisingly, I read the letter again, trying to commit it to memory.

When I woke up, it was still lying on my chest.


	6. Chapter 6

Author's Note: I don't usually do this because I love you all equally, but I wanted to give a couple of personal thank you's today. Thank you to voldemortperfumes (I love that you like my style of writing) and ellamoo (you are completely adorable and I loved your last review) who I think have read everything I've ever posted on here. Your support means the world to me.

Huge thank you's to everyone who reads my work (And I really do love you all the same).

Nice reviews are better than chocolate, unless maybe you're licking that chocolate off someone.

* * *

Six

Edward and I had been exchanging letters now for about a month, was I supposed to be feeling what I was feeling? I was exhilarated, my heart actually _raced_ when I checked the mail (the _mail_), and a little embarrassed. What could I tell people? I'm writing to a guy I've never met who found a letter I dropped in a bar. They'd probably have the same reaction as Alice. Why was I thinking so much about this? I knew exactly why, I also knew I was thinking about this so much so I could avoid doing something.

I grabbed his newest letter out of my bedroom; I'd been keeping them in a small wooden box on my nightstand. I liked them to be within reach. I slipped on a pair of sandals and a sweater and walked outside, heading for the beach. It was almost six o'clock, sunset, my favorite time of day. Sitting down, I slipped off my shoes and dug my toes into the sand.

_Dear Bella,_

_I actually spent a long time trying to think of my favorite ice cream flavor, but found it impossible to narrow down. Vanilla, because you can add a lot to it, chocolate for the same reason, cookie dough, rocky road, chocolate chip…I could go on._

_I have a feeling there's a lot more interesting about you than you let on, maybe you just don't realize it yet. What kind of pictures do you take? This probably won't come as much of a surprise, but I sketch a lot in my free time._

_Tell me more about your friends. Jasper and I met at the Yale School of Architecture; he and I are both the fairly serious, solitary type. I'm surprised we ever even spoke to each other. He was a little better with math; I was a little better with art, so together we make a pretty good team. _

_I grew up mostly in Connecticut until my mother passed away. My father wasn't sure how to handle me so I was sent to boarding school in New Hampshire through high school. I never really fit in there, so after I graduated I took a year off and came to New York. My father owned the apartment I live in now and offered it to me then, but I wanted to make it on my own. When trying to be an artist left me living in a studio apartment on the Lower East Side with two roommates I decided I needed a change. I discovered architecture and the rest is history. _

_My father passed away shortly after I graduated, so I took over his estate and moved back to New York. I sometimes think leaving me with everything was a way to tell me the things he was never able to in life, or maybe that's just wishful thinking._

_So, now that my digression is over, tell me something about you that I don't already know. I'm not picky about subject matter._

_Yours,_

_Edward, waiting with breath that is bated_

It wasn't that part of the letter that caught me up, but the P.S at the end; he had added his e-mail address (for faster reply times). It was one thing to write back and forth, at least that way I could take my time and come up things to say that were halfway interesting. I suppose I could do that with an e-mail, but it still made me nervous.

By the time it was dark, I was sitting on my bed with my laptop, my fingers poised over the keys. I was signed in to my e-mail and I was in the process of adding Edward to my list of contacts, which at the moment consisted of colleagues, Alice, and Rose. I put in his first and last name, his e-mail address, and hit the Save button. Then I clicked on the Compose Message icon and got to work. Actually, first I changed positions, lying on my stomach; when that wasn't comfortable I moved back to my original position. Then I got up and got a glass of water, and then I washed the glass. Then I got to work.

_Dear Edward, _

_This will definitely be faster than the letter writing, although I have to admit the other way was more romantic_

I deleted the last part.

_This will definitely be faster than the letter writing, although I have to admit I really enjoyed getting your letters; it's probably the first time I've ever looked forward to getting the mail. _

_So anyway, I don't really take pictures of anything in particular, my friends, something that strikes me as beautiful; it doesn't really matter what. What kind of things do you sketch?_

_My friends, this could take a while. I'll start with Alice; she's tiny and really feisty. She's a designer; she has a little store in Los Angeles that does really well. She also has this uncanny foresight into things; it's actually a little strange sometimes. Rosalie is not as tiny, but can be just as intimidating; she's very protective of the people close to her. She's married to Emmett, who owns a chain of gyms here, and she doesn't work anymore. They're trying to have a baby; we all can't wait. She's also really into cars, which you wouldn't expect by looking at her._

_I also moved around a bit growing up; I was passed back and forth between Arizona and a tiny town in Washington until high school when I settled in Washington. I moved to California for college and I've lived here ever since. I can't even imagine what your first year in New York must have been like._

_Something about me that you don't already know…sometimes I feel like I was born in the wrong era, but that might have to do with the classic literature I surround myself with. Ok, same question._

_Yours,_

_Bella the Sleepy_

I read it over twice and then hit the send button.

I tried not to delve into my past much, although I could always feel it at my heels. Nothing was ever talked about, even with Mike, Alice, and Rose who knew everything. So that's why I kept my own history vague in the e-mail; it wasn't something I could just type out and send. But that tiny bit, just telling Edward where I'd grown up, was enough to bring the dreams back.

I was smiling; I knew that even though she couldn't see me, she would hear it in my voice. She wanted information, but I told her it was going to be a surprise; she was mad that Alice already knew. I told her the truth, that Alice had guessed, but I'm not sure she believed me. I felt Mike's arms go around my waist; he was kissing my neck. I giggled into the phone, becoming distracted as he worked at the button of my jeans; I said a quick goodbye, barely paying attention.

I woke up covered in sweat, the blankets pushed aside. I looked at the clock, 4 a.m.; it was better than when the dreams first started, back then I was usually up by two or three. I stood up and walked out to the kitchen, sitting at the table, my laptop screensaver the only source of light. I hit the space bar and the monitor showed my desktop; it was a little brighter. My little e-mail notification icon in the task bar glowed a bright blue; I had a new e-mail. I opened it, trying to push the dream back.

_Dear Bella,_

_I wasn't sure if you would actually e-mail me or not, is it weird that I thought giving you my address was a little forward? I'm not sure what the etiquette is for something like this. I liked the letter writing as well; I'd still like to send you things from time to time if that's alright._

_It sounds like you have some really good friends; Jasper has become my family. I'm sure you can relate._

_When I lived in New York I painted using people as models, but now I sketch anything that catches my eye. Most of the time it's pieces of buildings, though when I was less busy with work I was a little more creative._

_So, a little known fact about me, I'm teaching myself to play the guitar. I can sing too, but if you tell anyone that, I'll deny it. I'm going to have to end it here; it's time to start getting ready for work. Have a good day._

_Yours,_

_Edward who thinks it's way too early_

The small flutter in my heart made me feel strangely guilty. I ignored it and hit the reply button.

_Dear Edward,_

_It's way too early here too, but sometimes I have trouble sleeping. Your e-mail was nice to wake up to._

Edward: Bella?

The message popped up in the corner of my screen; my immediate reaction - panic. I jumped up out of my seat as if he could see me and took a step back almost knocking my chair over in the process. _Don't just ignore him!_ A part of my mind reprimanded. _I wasn't going to_, I replied back to myself. I sat back down.

Bella: Morning, Edward. I was just writing you an e-mail.

Edward: Isn't it 4 in the morning there?

Bella: Yeah, I have trouble sleeping sometimes; it's easier to just get up.

Edward: I do too.

Edward: Well, we make quite a pair.

Bella: We should start a support group.

Edward: Insomniacs Anonymous.

Bella: That's a good idea. So, what are you doing today?

Edward: Going to work, the usual. How about you?

Bella: The same, I have a new art project for the kids so that should be interesting. How's the new account coming along?

Edward: Good, I think. He keeps things close to the vest unless he wants you to change something. So if he doesn't say anything, we take it as a good thing. Sorry to cut this short, but I need to get going.

Edward: I'm really glad I got a chance to talk to you.

Bella: Me too. Have a good day.

Edward: Likewise, bye.

Bella: Bye.

I spent most of the day trying to regain my focus, but between being tired and that morning's chat with Edward, I was having a difficult time. I had to admit that my feelings for him were changing, but what good was that if I couldn't do anything about it? It's not like I could just take a quick drive across the country – oh hey, I was just dropping by to say I'm falling for you, take it easy. Plus I had no idea what he was feeling, if anything.

Maybe he was just being nice; he seemed like a polite kind of man.

* * *

Author's Note: I'm using Google's Gmail as the basis for all e-mail related things. They have a thing where you can chat with anyone on your e-mail contact list (no screen name needed).


	7. Chapter 7

Author's Note: Thank you so much for reading :)

Nice reviews are better than chocolate, unless maybe you're licking that chocolate off someone.

* * *

Seven

I wish I'd just taken the day off of work. So I could do what? Talk to Bella all day? She had to go to work too. As much as I wanted to, there's no way I would have tried to get her to stay home just so she would talk to me - although now it seemed like a good idea. I was also seriously considering skipping out a little early today, though early for me was any time before six. What time did kindergarten classes let out? I also couldn't forget about the time difference; I didn't want to get home only to have to wait for hours for Bella to come home too. What if –

"Hey, did you hear me?" Jasper was talking to me from his desk.

"What?"

He looked like he was trying not to laugh. "So, who is she?"

"Is that what you said in the first place?" I looked up, pulling off my glasses.

"No, I said I was going to take a look at the model. Now I want to know who the girl is you keep thinking about."

I went for apathetic, "What girl?"

He was laughing at me, "you're being really obvious, Edward. Your vibes are different -"

"My _vibes?_"

"Yeah, shut up. It's got to be because of a girl."

"It's not because of anything." I was wondering though, should I just tell him? I glanced at him, he still looked suspicious. "Ok, there's someone, but I don't really know what it is yet so let's leave it at that."

He nodded as if in approval before heading out of the office, leaving me with nothing to do but think about her. I tried to keep myself busy, doing so much work that by the time I was finished I was several days ahead of schedule. Jasper came back after a while, but left again for lunch soon after. I spent so much time trying not to think about how I was falling for Bella, I hadn't realized it was already three o'clock. I decided to skip lunch since it was so late and leave at six; I knew the reason I was doing that was completely counterproductive to why I'd worked so hard all day in the first place.

I left just after six o'clock, earlier than Jasper for the first time in I don't know how long. "Have fun with your Good Vibes Girl," I could hear that he was on the edge of laughter.

"How long did it take you to come up with that?" I grumbled.

He shrugged, a smug smile on his face, "it just came to me."

He'd noticed that I didn't leave him much work to do, but I doubt he minded. I all but ran down the hall to my apartment when I got home. Inside, I grabbed my laptop and took it into the bedroom with me. I changed out of my work clothes and into my flannel pajama pants, then realized I was hungry so I moved to the kitchen, setting the laptop on the counter. I signed into my e-mail account, but was a little disappointed to see that she hadn't sent one to me. I left it open and went through my fridge to find something eat. I made a turkey sandwich and grabbed a bottle of ginger ale before moving to stand in front of my laptop again. She had sent me an instant message.

Bella: Hi, Edward.

I set my plate down, suddenly happier than I'd been all day. I was absently wondering why I'd tried not to think about her that day.

Edward: Hi, how was your day?

Bella: Good, except one of the kids got sick and had to be sent home. That wasn't very fun. How about you?

Edward: It was busy, but I'm way ahead of schedule now. I'm even home from work early.

Bella: 6:30 is early?

Edward: Yeah, I'm usually not here until around eight o'clock.

Bella: Wow, I guess I'm spoiled. I get home around three or four.

Edward: That would be nice; I'm beginning to forget what actual daylight looks like.

I hadn't realized how less easy talking to her like this would be. When I sent an e-mail or a letter I had time to organize my thoughts, but now I felt like I had to come up with something impressive on a moment's notice. Was I trying to impress her? Yes.

Edward: So Jasper asked about you today.

Bella: Oh?

Edward: He thought I looked "different" and he guessed it had to do with a girl.

I left out his nickname for her; I doubted she would appreciate that much. I put down my sandwich to wait for a response.

Bella: Do you look "different"?

I had no idea, but most likely. It wasn't very often that I was completely taken by a woman, actually it had never happened. What was I getting myself into?

Edward: I suppose so; it's not every day I meet someone that captures my attention as much as you do.

Bella: Is that a bad thing?

I smirked, let's hope not; I wasn't sure I wanted this feeling to go away.

Edward: Definitely not.

We talked until almost 2 a.m. (my time) that night. She told me more about her friends and her class. She also said that she'd broken up with someone right after coming back from New York. It was the first time I'd considered that she might not be single; I breathed a sigh of relief after her story. She didn't give me much detail about the guy or her relationship with him, however. She said his name was Mike, that they'd been together for three years, and that their relationship was one of those slow to disintegrate types. I knew one thing for sure, Mike was an idiot. How could he be around this woman and let things just fall apart?

The next evening, I didn't get to talk to her. She had parent-teacher conferences and then was meeting with her girl friends afterward. I got home early enough that I was able to go for a late run around the park; it felt good to be outside, to move again. It cleared my head and when I got home; I had an idea. I showered first, cleaning the sweat and the day off myself, and then put on a clean pair of pants before sitting down at my laptop.

I opened up a window for a new e-mail message.

_Dear Bella,_

_I wanted to make this a complete surprise, but I apparently don't have the willpower. I'm sending you something in the regular mail (hopefully within the next few days) that I hope you'll like. _

_Did your conferences and everything go well?_

_Yours,_

_Edward the Inspired_

I closed the lid on the laptop, in case she happened to come online, and took my phone off the hook; I didn't want any distractions. I moved to my piano, which sat in a large empty space near the living room. I sat at the bench and closed my eyes, took a breath, and let everything about her come to mind. Her shyness, kindness, the way I knew she held something back, and the curiosity and pleasure I felt when I talked to her.

And then I started to play.


	8. Chapter 8

Author's Note: Many thanks as always. I've had a pretty bad bout of insomnia the last month (I get about five hours of sleep on a good night), so I'm going to go try and take a disco nap for a bit. Enjoy!

Nice reviews are better than chocolate, unless maybe you're licking that chocolate off someone.

* * *

Eight

I checked my e-mail as soon as I got home, bubbling with excitement. I don't know exactly why Edward was the first person I thought to share it with, maybe because he was pretty much the only one I could. I saw his new message and opened it. He was sending me a surprise? Crap. I hit reply and started typing.

_Dear Edward,_

_You really don't have to send me anything; our conversations are more than enough. I'm not really one for gifts, or surprises. And please, please don't spend any money on me._

_Anyway, I have news. Rose is pregnant! I had a feeling that might be what her announcement would be; she'd insisted on not waiting for our normal dinner tomorrow. She's having a Halloween party instead; I'm not sure how she's going to put it together on such short notice, but she's good that way. She said she wanted to wear something tight and revealing for the last time. _

_So I probably won't be around much tomorrow. _

_And to reiterate, please don't buy me anything!_

_Yours,_

_Bella the Party Pooper_

I hit Send, hoping he would get it before he went out and bought me something.

The next day Alice came and got me from work. We were going to my apartment for a while before we headed over to Rose's house. "Shouldn't we help her set up?" I asked, unlocking the door to my apartment.

"This is Rose; she hired people to set up for her." I looked over at Alice, an amused expression on her face.

"I didn't know you could hire people to do that." I set my school bag and purse down on the kitchen table. Alice sat in front of my laptop.

She shrugged, "you can hire people to do just about anything." She opened a window to check her e-mail, but I had it set up to automatically log into mine. "Hey, do you care if I log you out, so I can check my e-mail?"

"That's fine," I went to the fridge to pull out a bottle of water.

"Bella…"

Her tone raised the hair on the back of my neck. Shit, shit, _shit_. "Hmm?"

"You have an instant message."

I turned to look at her, "Oh?" My voice sounded too high.

"Yeah, some guy, Edward?" I could see her face change as the name registered. Would it be too obvious if I shoved her out of the chair and slammed the laptop shut? "Wait…" she paused, letting things click into place. "_Edward? _As in, Edward Cullen the _psychopath_?" Her eyes were big.

"He's not a psychopath," I said defensively.

"_Bella!_ You don't know the guy!" She looked at me and then back at the screen, reading whatever he'd written. "He's sending you something? How much do you two talk?"

There wasn't any good way to spin this; I tried to remind myself that she was just being protective. "We've been writing letters for a little over a month; he just gave me his e-mail address a few days ago. He's nice and he's normal, ok?" I walked over to stand near her so I could read the screen.

Edward: Hey, I got your e-mail and I'm not spending money on you. It's something I'm making and I'm sending it anyway; I really want you to have it. And it's still a surprise.

Alice cleared her throat, "well, I'm going to have to decide for myself."

"Alice," I said in what I hoped was a warning tone. She didn't listen and before I knew what was happening she did something to my webcam, used the mouse to click something on the screen, and typed a response to Edward which read "accept this."

"Oh my God, Alice, don't." I said when I finally realized what she was doing. Two new windows appeared, Alice was in the smaller of them. For the first time, I could see Edward's face. I was suddenly glad I wasn't in the line of vision for the camera; I think my jaw had just hit the floor. He was _gorgeous_; no, that doesn't even cover it. Perfection personified? I don't know, my ability to come up with any new phrases had gone out the window. His skin was a pale cream and I could see the faintest five o'clock shadow along his jaw; his dark bronze hair was messy, but I had a feeling it usually looked that way. He wore a pair of rectangular glasses that made him look even sexier and his eyes were a deep green. I made what sounded like a squeak in my throat and took a step back. Even Alice looked surprised.

"Bella?" His _voice. _It was deep and smooth and reminded me of the coffee he was so addicted to; this man was heartbreakingly beautiful.

"Uh…no, this is her friend Alice. Just a sec." She jumped up from the chair and grabbed my arm, pulling me into the living room. She stage whispered, "holy _crap_!"

I couldn't keep the smile off my face, but I didn't say anything. I had an urge to start giggling like I was in high school.

"Ok, let me get my bearings here," she put on her most professional face. "Ready." She walked quickly back to the computer, leaving me standing there.

"Ready for what? Alice?" I hurried up to stand next to her, still out of view of the camera.

"Edward, right?" She said, almost dismissively. "I'm Bella's best friend; I have some things I want to ask you."

He chuckled lightly; I bit my lip. "Ok. Is she there?" He looked hopeful, but to his credit, not the least bit nervous.

"Yes, but this first. Ok, what do you do for a living?"

He answered seriously, "I'm an architect."

"Where in Manhattan do you live?"

"Gramercy."

"Hmm," she sounded impressed. "Why did you write to Bella in the first place?"

He paused; I noticed the first button on his shirt was undone. "There was just something about her letter; I didn't want her to be that sad. She seemed smart and interesting and too good to be feeling that way."

I furrowed my brow, had I sounded that sad? Negative emotions had become very relative in my world; it was hard to tell how I looked to other people.

Alice didn't pry into that, for which I was grateful. "Ok, do you have any friends?"

He chuckled again; I was having very specific reactions to him. "I have a best friend if that helps; his name is Jasper. We work together."

"Any talents?"

"Well, I play the piano and I can draw. I'm learning to play the guitar too."

Alice nodded to herself. "How many serious relationships have you been in?"

"Alice!" I yelled before I could stop myself. I could see Edward's face change when he heard my voice.

"Well, I had a high school sweetheart, but she went to college abroad and things just didn't work out. I had another girlfriend in college, but she cheated on me."

"_Why?_" Alice asked. I finished her thought, why would anyone in their _right mind_ cheat on _you_?

He grinned crookedly and I almost had to squeeze my legs together. "She wasn't exactly the serious relationship type."

"And what type are you?" She asked; I stepped a little closer.

"I prefer having a girlfriend. I don't date around; I like being in an actual relationship."

I found myself smiling at that. "Ok, you sound halfway decent." She leaned forward a little; she looked…imposing. Her voice was lower, "if you hurt my friend, in _any_ way, I'll hunt you down Cullen, hear me?"

He nodded solemnly, "I would never do anything to hurt her." His eyes looked flipping a switch, Alice went back to her lively, happy self. "Ok, it was nice meeting you, Edward. Oh, FYI, you'll probably go through all of this again with Rosalie; _she's_ the scary one." She waved at him, smiling brightly, and he gave a little wave back. He had long, slim fingers. She turned a little to face me, "ok, I'm going to Rose's; you can talk to him for a bit. Be there at six, alright? I need to get you ready."

"But…Alice…" I was starting to panic a little. I could barely have an online conversation with him when I was typing, let alone when he could see me and I was actually speaking. I didn't think I could look at his face and even think about making any kind of sense. She stood up and grabbed my shoulders, plunking me down in the seat she'd just vacated; she kissed my forehead.

"I'll see you in a little while." When she was out of the camera's view, she gave me a thumbs up. "Bye, Edward!" She called out.

"Bye, Alice," he said back. His eyes became fixed on me and it was like my brain had just escaped my body. "Bella," he nodded, a grin playing at his lips.

My mouth was partway open, my eyes wide; I couldn't force any sound out.

"Well that was…intense. I wasn't expecting my Friday to go quite like this." He paused like he was waiting for me to say something; I hadn't moved an inch. "It's good to actually see you, by the way."

I swallowed; my mouth felt too dry. "Me too, I mean, to see you, it's good." I sounded like Yoda. I attempted a light laugh, "that's Alice though; I told you she was feisty."

"I like her; she seems like a good friend."

"She's the best," I nodded. "So, any plans for the weekend?"

"Just putting the finishing touches on your gift –"

I groaned, "I told you, you really don't have to give me anything."

He smiled, "I know; I'm doing it because I want to."

"Edward."

His expression became pleading, almost pouty. I felt like I was melting under a hot sun. "Please?"

"Will you tell me what it is first?"

He visibly brightened, "I can do better than that, but it'll ruin the surprise." He seemed to mull it over for a minute, looking down. After a moment, he looked at me; the melting sensation came back. "Ok, I need to move you first though." He picked up his laptop and started moving it to another room. I realized then that he'd been in his kitchen; it looked very nice. He moved past a living room which had a light colored couch and a dark, large ottoman. He sat the laptop on what I thought might be a table; he sat down where I could see him again. "Ok, it's a little rough, so bear with me."

And then something changed; I could hear music. The light, high sounds of a piano came through my speakers; he was playing for me. His expression was very serious, concentrated. He looked down at the keys, though he played so well I doubt he really needed to see them. The song wasn't anything I recognized. It was ethereal, slow and then quick; it reminded me of the way I felt when I listened to the ocean in the evening. I found myself leaning forward, trying to absorb as much of the sound as possible. Too soon, it was over; he looked back up slowly, as if he'd forgotten I was there. "That was beautiful," I couldn't think of any other way to describe it.

"Thank you," he looked a little abashed. "I wrote that for you." He said it very quietly, almost shyly.

"You…did?" I was speechless. No one had ever so much as dedicated a song to me at a school dance, let alone wrote me one. "Edward," I breathed out.

"I was going to put it on a CD to send you…but if you don't want me to…" He was grinning crookedly again.

"No, I do! I want you…to send it; I love it." How did this happen? How did I get this lucky? It was a little disconcerting. I checked the time; it was almost six. I sighed, "hey, I need to get going. Alice and Rose are waiting." I was way more disappointed than I rationally thought was necessary.

"Ok, have a good time tonight, Bella." Hearing him say my name made me shiver.

"You too, I'll talk to you soon." I smiled. "Bye."

"Bye."

I disconnected and got up to leave. If I wasn't sure I was falling for him before, now I was certain.


	9. Chapter 9

Author's Note: Thank you in ten languages :)

Nice reviews are better than chocolate, unless maybe you're licking that chocolate off someone.

* * *

Nine

Bella was heartbreakingly beautiful.

When the window appeared with Alice on the screen, I knew it wasn't Bella. Aside from the fact that her hair was different, there was something about her…I don't know if I could place it, that told me it wasn't her, but I asked just to be sure.

It seemed like Alice approved, even after her warning at the end, which I have to admit, made me sit up a little straighter.

When she left and Bella sat down, well, if I hadn't already been sitting I would have had to. She was so much more than I'd pictured; she put my musings to shame. For some odd reason, I thought of Mike. How could he have stopped caring? _His loss is my gain._

She seemed a little nervous at first, but then again, I was too. I talked to fill the silence, hoping to make her more comfortable. The talk inevitably went to her gift; I had a feeling she would fight me on it if I told her I was sending her something and I mentally kicked myself for mentioning it in the first place. When she asked me what it was, I realized I was hooked; I knew I'd never be able to deny her anything. I played for her and when I was finished, her expression was so soft, I actually blushed. I don't know if she saw or not. And when she said my name for the second time I almost blurted out that I liked the way she said it; yeah, I was completely hooked.

I finished up her song by midnight, but I wasn't tired. I decided to record it and while I was at it, I recorded a few other songs I knew that I hoped she'd like. By the time I was through, it was almost dawn. I didn't notice how tired I was until I stood up; my muscles were tight and sore, my eyes heavy. I dragged myself to bed and fell asleep, despite the exhaustion, I felt better than I had in a long time.

I mailed the CD, overnight delivery – which actually meant three days because of the distance. She received it on a Wednesday and I think if she could have jumped through the computer screen she would have. She'd opened and listened to it by the time I was home from work, sent me an e-mail, and was online waiting for me. I had already changed into my pajama pants and was situating myself in the living room when I signed on.

Bella: Edward, I love it! It's perfect, I've been listening to it non-stop all afternoon! Thank you so much!

I smiled; I don't think I'd ever seen her this happy. As a matter of fact, I wanted nothing more than to see her face again. We hadn't used the webcams since the first time; I wasn't sure if she'd want to, but my desire to look at her won out over my manners.

After another minute, we were face to face, sort of. "So, I take it you liked the CD?" I opened another window to look at the e-mail she'd sent.

_Dear Edward,_

_I couldn't wait to talk to you; I love the gift! It's completely beautiful. Hopefully, I'll get to see you when you get home._

_Yours,_

_Bella the Excited_

"Very much, I've never had anything made for me like that before."

"What can I say? You inspire me."

She looked down; she may have been blushing, but it was hard to tell. "How was your day?"

I knew she was changing the subject, but that didn't matter. "It was good, our model has been approved and they're set to start clearing the site next week."

"Is an addition to a building easier than starting a building from scratch?"

I thought about it a minute before answering. "It depends. When you're designing something based on a building that already exists, there's so much more to take into consideration. The aesthetic and character of it; you want to make your work and the original as seamless as possible. It should look like one flows right into the other. You have to look at everything from the perspective of the first architect, what would they have done? And then take all of that and still make it your own design." I realized I was talking a lot. "Of course, on the other hand, building something brand new is difficult too because it's all your own vision."

She didn't seem to have fallen asleep, which I took as a good thing.

"Sorry, I could probably talk about this all night."

"It's ok, I think you're interesting." She was looking at me, resting her head on her hand.

We talked until I couldn't put sleep off any longer. That night I dreamed Bella was here; she just showed up at my front door with a big smile on her face. I grabbed her and carried her inside; the last thing I remembered was kissing her.

The next day I met Rosalie. I could tell she'd taken an immediate dislike to me and that I'd have to work my way up from the bottom. If it weren't for my casual clothing, I'd have felt as if I were at a job interview. She was sitting squarely in front of the screen; I could hear Alice and Bella on either side. Alice seemed to be supplying her with extra questions; Bella was telling them to leave me alone. "Which firm do you work for?"

"Perkins Eastman, it's –"

"Yes, I know which one it is. Where did you go to college?"

"Yale."

She showed no sign of emotion except for possibly mild disdain. "How do you take your coffee?"

"Black."

"How many women have you slept with?"

I heard someone; I was guessing Alice, laughing and Bella muttering something I couldn't make out. My "number" was a little embarrassing. Bella leaned over so I could see her, "you don't have to answer that."

I sighed, I might as well. "One."

Alice called out a loud, "why?"

I smiled crookedly; Jasper had asked me the same question. I glanced down at the keyboard, "I don't sleep with a woman unless I'm in love with them." I thought I saw a faint softening in Rosalie's features when I looked up, but I could have been wrong.

"What are your intentions with Bella?"

I heard an "oh my God" from somewhere off screen. I thought about the question before I answered, what _were_ my intentions? To be honest, I had no idea what I was doing. So I went with the one thing I knew for sure. "I want her to be happy; I just want to be a part of her life."

Rosalie turned in her chair so part of her face was obscured; she spoke quietly enough that I couldn't hear her. The job interview image was resurfacing and I wanted to laugh, but was a little afraid to. Rose faced me again and I composed myself. "Well Cullen, Alice's warning goes double for me. It was nice to meet you," she gave me a half grin which was about as good as I was going to get.

I smiled back, "it was nice to meet you too."

"Ok, we're taking off," she said in Bella's direction.

Alice's smiling face appeared on the screen, "hi, Edward!" She waved.

I waved back.

"We're gonna leave you two alone now, good to see you again," Alice grinned; it was contagious. Rosalie flicked her wrist in my general direction as she stood up; I took it as a wave. After another minute, Bella appeared for the first time since signing online.

"Hey," she smiled. I could see her blushing.

"Hi, I have a question." She nodded for me to continue. "Why do your friends keep calling me by my last name?"

She laughed, it was a nice sound. "I have no idea, should I ask them to stop?"

"I don't mind. You have really good friends, Rosalie's a little intimidating."

"They're just looking out for me, she'll loosen up eventually."

As wary as they were of me, I liked how protective Bella's friends were being of her. I felt the same and it could be frustrating at times to know there wasn't much I could do if something were to happen. I knew that nothing was likely to happen, but it bothered me nonetheless.

I was really beginning to resent the distance.

* * *

Author's Note: I'm going to start jumping ahead in time and wanted to let you know. I have a set timeline in my head for what's happening and it'd start getting really boring if I didn't start flashing forward. Right now I'm trying to make the shifting as smooth as possible. Thank you again for reading and I hope you're enjoying it so far :)


	10. Chapter 10

Author's Note: This one is a little short, but the next one is much longer. Thank you for reading :)

* * *

Ten

_March_

For the last month or so, Jasper had been calling the pace I was keeping with Bella "asexual". He knew the whole story about us and the lack of definition in our relationship, but had never talked to her the way I'd talked to Alice and Rosalie. I doubt she would have minded, but I still didn't know what to make of us; wouldn't it be more difficult for her to disentangle herself from me if our friends were involved? For some reason, I was already assuming that's the direction she would go in. Also, were there steps for this? Letters, e-mails, webcams, meet the friends, meet each other? What would happen then? She and I got along beautifully from a distance, but I was afraid if she got to know me up close she'd decide I wasn't worth the trouble.

Anyway, I had been debating letting them get to know each other, Jasper was a little curious, but that decision was made for me by a surprise knock on the door.

"-and I fell flat on my face right in the middle of the stage, so that was the end of ballet for me." Bella was blushing bright red by the end of her story. It was something she did a lot; I had noticed. "Ok, your turn, and make it a good one."

I pursed my lips, trying to come up with something embarrassing enough to satiate her, but no so embarrassing that I couldn't ever look her in the eye again. Before I could think of anything, I heard someone at my front door. "Just a sec," she nodded and I got up to answer. Talking with Bella when I got home from work had become a daily ritual and I wasn't pleased with the interruption. It was Friday and Bella just gotten back from Rosalie's house; these days were my favorites because neither of us worked the next day and we would talk for hours on end. I opened the door; it was Jasper. "Oh, hey," I let him inside. I checked my watch; it was almost eleven. "What's up?"

"Sorry man, it's just…Tanya." He walked further into my apartment, heading for the living room where my laptop was sitting. I hadn't been to the Old Town Bar in at least a couple of months and apparently, Tanya had moved on from me.

"Oh, tell me you didn't –"

"No! I was leaving and she was just getting off her shift," he sighed as he spoke, "and she wanted to come with me, like _with_ me, and we were close to here…" he trailed off, noticing my laptop screen. "What's that?"

My heart sped up; this wasn't how I was planning on doing this. "Uh," I sat next to him to see what exactly was showing on the video screen. I could see part of a bed frame, a slightly rumpled pillow, and the edge of her sheets, but no movement and no Bella.

"Oh! Did I interrupt…something? Oh _God, _were you m- I should go." He made a face and stood up quickly. It took me a minute to figure out what conclusion he'd jumped to. I thought I could hear the faint sound of laughter coming from my speakers.

"What? No!" I could feel my face heating up. "I was talking to _Bella_." I gestured to the screen, "it's ok Bella," I said softly. She reappeared a moment later, her face as flushed as mine. I sat in front of the screen, giving her what I hoped was an apologetic look. "This is Jasper," I moved the laptop so she could see him; he sat back down.

He nodded quickly, "it's nice to meet you. Sorry about…all that."

She smiled warmly, "it's nice to meet you too."

Jasper looked at me, "I'm going to head out; she should be gone by now. I'll see you Monday." He glanced back at the screen, "bye Bella."

"Bye Jasper."

Jasper saw himself out and I turned my attention back onto Bella. "So, is that an embarrassing enough story for you?"

To her credit, she held back her laughter for possibly a whole five seconds. After that, she laughed so hard that I could see a tear slip down her cheek. She tilted her head back toward the ceiling, exposing her neck, her shoulders bouncing. "I'm glad I can amuse you." I tried to say it seriously, but was having a hard time.

Bella waved a hand in front of the screen, trying to speak. "I'm…sorry," she tried to calm down, "that was…way better than my story." She smiled widely.

"What can I say? I deliver." I picked up my laptop and started walking.

"Where are we going?"

I gave her a sidelong glance, "the bedroom." She didn't say anything and I set my laptop down on the bed to change out of my work clothes. I had taken to wearing a shirt at night while we were talking; I thought I might make her uncomfortable otherwise. I plugged my laptop in and turned on a lamp, then got situated under the covers. "Ok, better."

I fell asleep some time after dawn; the last thing I remember was lying further and further down on the bed. When I woke up, my lamp was still on and my computer was a couple inches from my face. I opened my eyes all the way and touched the space bar; I could see that our video had been disconnected. I checked the time, it was barely eight o'clock; I checked to see if she was online anyway. She was, but it said she was idle. I wondered if we'd fallen asleep together. I decided to take a shower and then check again.

I got out when there was no hot water left and changed into a worn pair of jeans and the white t-shirt I'd slept in the night before. I rubbed the towel quickly over my hair and hung it back on the rack. I checked the computer screen, but she was still idle. The laptop came with me to the kitchen anyway.

I made breakfast quietly, making my "specialty" of toast with peanut butter. I was just finishing my second piece when she came online. I clicked the mouse a couple of times and after another minute I could see her face again. She was still in bed, raising a hand to move some hair away from her face. I watched with rapt attention, some very distant part of me wondering if maybe I should have just left the woman alone. I took my now empty plate to the sink; she would still be able to see me, but I would look less like I was stalking her.

"Oh, God," she drew out the last word and I grinned crookedly, still facing the sink.

"Good morning." I set my plate on the rack to dry before facing her. "How'd you sleep?"

She pressed her face into the pillow for a moment before looking back to the screen. "I'm really sorry, when did I fall asleep?"

"It's ok, I fell asleep too." I smiled.

"Oh, well I'm still sorry." She paused for a moment, "so, any plans for today?" She was still lying with her head on her pillow; she looked really sleepy.

"I have a few errands to run and probably a nap to take later, but that's about it."

"No hot dates tonight?"

"Just with you if you're free."

She grinned self consciously, "I'm free."

We talked for a few more minutes before Bella decided to get up and around. I couldn't get the way she looked first thing in the morning out of my head. Her hair was disheveled and her eyes were half closed, after she apologized she worried her lip between her teeth. It was an image I was going to have in my head all day. I tried to shake myself out of it, but after a while I gave up and enjoyed the memory.


	11. Chapter 11

Author's Note: First and foremost, thank you for reading :) Second, I've been asked about the story timeline; the story started right before Bella's birthday in September and it's currently March. Lastly, all the dresses and places in this chapter are real and are posted on my profile.

Nice reviews are better than chocolate, unless maybe you're licking that chocolate off someone.

* * *

Eleven

The shrill ringing of the phone woke me from my pleasant Edward-centric dreams; I was taking a nap after having been up most of the night talking to him. I rolled off the couch, trying to land on my feet and not the floor. I walked into the kitchen to grab my phone. "Hello?" I sounded groggy from sleep. The television was on low, some sitcom was playing.

I heard a high pitch squeal. "They want me!" Alice yelled and then squealed again.

"Huh?" I ran my hand through my hair.

"Fashion Week! New York City baby!" She paused for reaction, but I was still getting caught up. "Bella," she spoke slowly, enunciating her words, "I am going to have my own show at the Spring 09 Fashion Week at Bryant Park in New _York_!" I could hear her clap her hands together.

Her excitement woke me up. "Alice! That's so great; oh, I'm so happy for you!" She was so overjoyed; it was rubbing off on me. I sat at the kitchen table. "So, what do you know?" A small part of me felt the sting of jealousy, when was the last time I was that happy about anything? _You won't let yourself be_.

"Ok, so I'll be in one of the smaller tents, but I'm going to work with a show producer to design a theme and everything! I'll need about twenty brand new pieces to show and I'll have to go to New York in August to work with the producer and fit models and everything. Oh, Bella, I'm so excited! Let's all do something tonight to celebrate! Oh, also, you guys are coming with me."

I heard her last sentence echo in my head; _you guys are coming with me_, to New York, where Edward lived. I was going to New York. "We are?"

"Yes, of course! You, Rosalie, and Emmett; I'll have to go out earlier, but they can fly you guys out when it gets closer."

"You asked that already?"

"Well _yeah_! I'll know more when the time gets closer. Anyway, we're all going out tonight, so get up and get ready! Wear the Gucci!" She was referring to the obscenely expensive dress she'd gotten for me the first time we were in New York, although I had to admit it was a gorgeous dress (to look at). It was a long slender column of light green silk, with a very deep V neck and almost no back, plus a pattern that shined lightly and went around it from the top to the bottom. Alice informed me she bought it because I "simply had to have a nice dress" and apparently I didn't have to wear heels with this one. "I have to call Rose! Bye!" She hung up without waiting for a response.

I was so happy for her, but all I could think about was – I'm going to New York, Edward's in New York. It was playing on a loop in my head. Should I tell him? Would that scare him away? We'd only been talking for about six months or so, but on the other hand, I wouldn't even be there until August or September. That was plenty of time to get used to the idea, wasn't it? Or was it just plenty of time to worry about it? And why was I thinking so much about this to begin with? I should be basking in the excitement of my friend. Ok, I thought to myself, I was going to put my questions on hold for a night and enjoy myself. Or I was going to at least try.

I got in the shower, trying to get excited for that night. I put on my favorite lotion that made my skin almost gleam and let my hair dry in waves down my back. Alice told me to be ready by seven thirty; she said she'd pick me up so I was a little surprised to see an older man in a suit at my door at seven thirty on the dot. I finished putting on my shoes, a pair of flat dark bronze sandals that criss-crossed part way up my calf under the dress; I would never ever have bought them, but Rose said they matched the dress so she bought them for me. The man at the door told me the rest of my party was waiting, so I followed him outside. He opened the door for me and I slipped inside.

"Bella, you look hot!" That was Emmett, the pinnacle of subtlety. Rose smacked him on the arm. He looked at her, "what?"

I smiled uncomfortably as I sat next to Alice, who was pouring me a glass of champagne. I took it and swallowed deeply. The dress suddenly made me feel more naked than when I actually was. "You guys all look great," I said, looking from person to person. At six months pregnant, Rose looked gorgeous in a short, loose fitting taupe sequined dress that showed off her slim mile long legs. Alice was in a navy blue dress made from something that shined brightly; it had a big bow at the waist. She looked like a little present. Emmett went for the standard black slacks and a white dress shirt, the top button undone. The slim fit made him look even bigger.

"I wanted to wear my fedora, but Rose wouldn't let me," Emmett pouted.

I laughed, "your fedora?"

"Yeah, I'm taking out three lovely ladies, I had to look the part," he grinned mischievously. He told me that it was him that had rented the limo to surprise Alice. After a little while, we pulled up in front of Il Cielo, a place I'd normally never set foot in. It looked like I was doing a lot of things I'd never done tonight. The restaurant had a façade covered in flowers and bougainvillea; twinkle lights were on amongst them.

We were seated immediately; I noticed inside that the restaurant seemed to have no ceiling; I could see the stars outside, and everything inside had a warm candlelit feeling to it. I don't know how Emmett was able to pull this off, but by the starry look in the hostess' eyes I didn't think it was difficult. "That guy just checked you out." Alice nudged my side.

"Ow, what?" I looked at her as we were led to our table.

"Your two o'clock, he's looking at you like you're on the menu," she was grinning. Automatically, my head turned in that direction. "Bella! You're not supposed to _look_!"

"_Sorry_, what am I supposed to do?"

"Ok, he's tan, dark hair, black shirt, sitting alone, you can look now." I don't know why, but she nudged me again. I glanced over quickly as we passed near his table. He was pretty cute, sort of tall, dark, and handsome only less intimidating. He looked up from his menu like he knew I was checking him out. I swiveled around only to bump into Alice hard enough to knock us both off balance. She grabbed my arm, "alright there?"

I nodded and hurried to the table behind Emmett. Alice pushed me into a seat that faced the man, much to my chagrin. I held up my menu over my face while Emmett ordered champagne. Rose looked at me from across the small round table and raised an eyebrow. Alice leaned forward, "she doesn't want to be checked out by Mr. Tall Dark and Handsome over there," she shifted her eyes to the right.

Rose looked over in a much smoother fashion than I had and nodded in approval. "Want to send him a drink?"

"Send who a drink?" Emmett asked loudly; Rose smacked him on the arm again.

"Bella has a secret admirer." Alice smiled.

For some reason that made me think of Edward; I had forgotten to tell him I wouldn't be around. I bit my lip; my phone didn't have internet access. "Does anyone have a phone with the internet?"

"Mine does," Emmett reached into his pants pocket.

"No way lady," Alice reprimanded, "don't worry about Edward tonight. We're celebrating, remember? No internet."

I sighed, "alright." I felt like I was going to ruin everyone's night if I didn't lighten up a little, what happened to my rule about enjoying myself tonight? If I felt too guilty, I could just ask for Emmett's phone later anyway. I sat up straighter and joined the conversation.

The night passed in a haze of drinks and laughter; Alice was positively beaming all through dinner. When we were finished, Rose and Emmett decided to call it a night, but told us to keep the limo for as long as we wanted. We were driven even deeper into Los Angeles. Alice had decided on a club in Hollywood; she said not to worry about getting in.

I'm not sure how she did it, but after a couple of minutes with the bouncer he waved us both inside. The bass was pounding from all directions, but I'd had enough to drink at this point that I didn't mind. We were in a huge room with very high ceilings; the DJ booth was elevated above the crowd on a stage across the room. There were several large screens set up around him showing shots of the crowd and the two dancers that flanked the stage. It was totally dark except for lights set up in the front that flashed across the people dancing.

I was a little intimidated.

"C'mon, let's get a drink!" Alice pulled me toward the bar. I didn't argue.

I never got a chance to use Emmett's phone and I couldn't help but feel that I'd stood Edward up. For Alice's sake, I pushed the feeling aside. I drank something red and very sweet; I was starting to get fairly tipsy. I was inebriated enough to know that I was, but not enough to do anything stupid, I hoped. I could tell Alice was a goner. "Uh…let's dance." Why did I say that? Oh yeah, I wanted to get away from the bar. Maybe she didn't hear me.

"Ok!" She grabbed my hand and dragged me behind her. Once she found a space in amongst the people, she started dancing. I stood there for a second, unsure of what to do, and then I started dancing too. The alcohol and the huge mass of people had loosened me up and I found I actually was enjoying myself. The song switched to one I liked and I raised my arms over my head, forgetting about everyone else.

I felt a hand snake around my waist and a warm body pressed up against me. "Hey," he said in my ear. His voice was deep and gravelly.

I opened my eyes; I hadn't realized I'd closed them. Alice was still dancing, but now looking at me wide eyed, a smile playing at her lips. "I saw you at the restaurant." I could tell he was smiling.

I turned to face him; both of his hands were at my waist now. It was Mr. Tall Dark and Handsome; he pulled me a little closer and I let him. "What's your name?" He asked; it was so loud he had to practically shout at me.

"Bella," I shouted back.

"Well, Bella, I'm Jacob, would you like to dance?"

"I think we already are."

He grinned and brought his hands down to my hips; he had a woodsy scent. I glanced back at Alice who apparently had found her own guy to dance with. He was very tall and fair haired; she had a thing for blondes. I turned back around and tried to enjoy myself. Jacob was very handsome and after a while I began forgetting about everything else in my life and when he pressed his hips closer, I had a flash of going home with him. He was a really good dancer. After a while, he brought his mouth to my ear. "I think your friend is having a little too much fun."

I spun around to see what he was talking about, to compensate for the height difference Alice's partner had picked her up and now he was making a meal of her neck. I looked at Jacob, "I should get her." I pulled back from his arms and walked over to Alice, tugging on her arm. "Hey, we should get going."

She looked at me and seemed to come to her senses; she patted the guy on the shoulder and he put her down. "Your turn now?" He smiled wolfishly at me, reaching for my waist.

I pulled away, "no, it's past our bedtime."

He shrugged and looked at Alice, "it's not past your bedtime, is it?"

She made a face, "yeah, we need to get going." She was trying to be civil.

He touched the both of us on the arm, stepping closer. "Want some company?" He smiled part way, I could tell he thought he was really attractive.

"No," Alice said, taking my arm. We turned to walk away, but he followed. Alice faced him, "listen, we don't want to be pursued. Good night James, thanks for the dance." She said the last part with an edge of sarcasm. I could see his eyes darken as he felt the rejection; I could also see that he wasn't going to give up that easily.

He went to take another step forward, but someone was blocking his path. "Hey man, leave the ladies alone," I recognized Jacob's deep voice. He was much bigger than James and wasn't going to let him pass. James looked up at him, trying to maintain his swagger. He raised his hands up in mock surrender and looked around Jacob, grinning at us before walking away.

"I feel like I need a shower," Alice muttered. She pulled out her phone to call our limo driver.

Jacob turned to face us, "hi, I'm Jacob," he said to Alice when she was off her cell. "Do you guys mind if I walk you out?"

Alice smiled graciously as Jacob extended his arms for us to take. "Well aren't you a knight in shining Armani tonight," she took his arm and I followed suit.

He led us out and was a little surprised to see our limo waiting at the curb. "Nice, anyway, it was good to meet you Alice." He looked at me and grinned, "Bella." He bit his lip, "do you think I could have your number?"

I hesitated; I could see Alice smiling brightly next to me as she watched the exchange. "Ok," I consented. I took the cell phone he offered and put my number into it.

Jacob looked like I'd just crowned him king of the manor. "Thanks, well good night you guys." He gave us a little nod before walking in the direction I assumed his car was in.

Our driver opened the door for us and we stepped inside. "Good work, Bella," Alice smiled.

I shrugged; I doubted I would ever see him again and I wasn't sure if I really wanted to. I was starting to feel really guilty about leaving Edward high and dry; I think I missed him too. It was unlikely that he would be awake by the time I got home, but I knew I was going to check anyway. "Can I stay over?" Alice interrupted my thoughts. "Like a slumber party?"

I smiled tiredly, "sure."

"I have bad taste in men," she rested her head on my shoulder.

I rested my head on top of hers; I was more than a little dizzy. "You're not the only one, my friend."

"I don't know, that Jacob guy seemed pretty nice to me. Plus he's hot which is like a bonus."

"Yeah, we'll see I guess."

When we got back to my apartment; we cleaned off our make-up (well, just mascara for me); Alice used my mouthwash while I brushed my teeth. She left for a second and when she came back, she had slipped into a pair of my flannel pajamas and was holding my clock, the cord trailing behind her. "Look at what time it is!"

I looked at it, but the screen was blank. "There is no time, is it broken?"

"No, it just said it was 3:37…a.m!"

I furrowed my brow, "that's really late." It reminded me of Edward. While she used the restroom, I ran out to the kitchen table to check for Edward. Of course he wasn't online, but he'd sent me an e-mail.

_Dear Bella,_

_Did you have a hot date with someone else tonight? Anyway, I should be around all day tomorrow if you want to hang out. Hope you had a good night._

_Yours,_

_Edward_

I quickly typed out a response (which I hoped made sense) apologizing for basically standing him up and hit Sent. When I got back to my bedroom, Alice was already asleep under the covers. Despite everything, I was asleep within minutes.


	12. Chapter 12

Author's Note: Thank you everyone :) This is my favorite chapter so far; I had a tiny image from it stuck in my head a couple days ago and I wrote the whole chapter around it.

Nice reviews are better than chocolate, unless maybe you're licking that chocolate off someone.

* * *

Twelve

He smiled, lifting my t-shirt a little ways; he planted a kiss on my stomach, inching his way down. "You're happy?" I was still unsure.

I could feel him grinning against my hip. "I don't think I've ever been happier."

"I love you, Mike."

"Bella!" Alice's loud voice startled me awake. I sat up straight and immediately touched my hand to my forehead.

"Oh," I remembered the night before. "Crap."

"You were talking in your sleep."

"Aspirin." I looked over to her as if she could provide it for me. "Did I invite you to sleep here last night?" My memory was cloudy.

"I think I asked you," she didn't sound too sure herself.

"What time is it?" And where was my clock? It was usually on my nightstand. I looked around, but it was missing.

"I dunno, let's go find the aspirin."

We climbed out of bed; I would have laughed at our identical slouched, hand on the head postures if it wasn't so painful. I pulled pills out of a cabinet in the kitchen and handed her two; we shared a glass of water. My stomach felt a little like it was caving in on itself. "Should we eat? Or would that be bad?" I didn't have much hangover experience.

"We should eat," she paused, "probably something greasy, I hear that helps."

I scrunched up my nose, but didn't say anything. I searched through my fridge and pulled out some eggs, bread, and bacon. I looked at Alice and raised my eyebrows in question. "Yeah, that'll work." She sat at my computer while I started making breakfast; she rolled the sleeves and waistband of my pajamas up to free her hands and feet. Checking the time on the microwave, I saw that it was just past eleven in the morning.

Alice sat with her head in her hands while I piled some scrambled eggs, bacon, and toast on two plates. I set the plate on the table and startled her by accident. "Oh," she sat up a little straighter, "thanks." She moved the laptop over so she could eat. We ate quietly for most of the meal, neither of us having the energy for conversation. "Edward sent you an instant message," Alice glanced at the screen. "He says that it's ok?"

"Huh?"

"He said 'you didn't have to apologize, it's ok'." She faced me.

Had I apologized to him for not seeing him the night before? This is why I don't drink. She moved the laptop so I could see it. I set my fork down and Alice swiped a strip of bacon off my plate.

Bella: Hi, sorry, last night was –

I tried to think of the appropriate sentiment.

- interesting. We all went out; I guess Alice and I had a little too much fun.

Edward: I gathered that from your e-mail. I didn't know people could slur when they typed.

I felt the heat rising on my face; I couldn't remember what I'd written.

Bella: I'm really sorry about that.

Edward: I was just teasing, it's ok.

"Should I tell him about New York?" I looked to Alice for advice, suddenly nervous.

"What?" It took a second her to get caught up. "Oh, definitely, see if he's excited to see you."

Bella: I have news. Alice is going to be in New York for Fashion Week; she has her own show.

Edward: That's awesome, tell her I said congratulations!

"He says congratulations."

"Tell him you'll be there too."

Bella: She's here actually, we're recovering together. I don't know how she did it, but Rose, Emmett, and I are going to be out there for her show too.

I braced myself for his reaction.

Edward: Will I get to see you?

"What'd he say?" Alice stood up to make some coffee.

"He asked if he could see me. What do I say?" My heart was beating too fast again.

"Well, say yes!"

Bella: Sure. I have no idea when I'll be there, but I'll definitely let you know.

Edward: Excellent, look I hate to do this, but I need to get going. Jasper wants to go out to our construction site.

Bella: Ok, well, tell him I said hello.

We said our goodbyes and Alice handed me a mug of coffee; the smell reminded me of Edward. "So?" She sat back down.

I flipped the laptop around so she could read it, rather than have me summarize. I finished up the last of my food and grabbed our plates, taking them to the sink. "That sounds promising," she grinned at me.

I sighed, "maybe." The thought of actually meeting him terrified me. What if he didn't like me? What if he did?

Alice looked at me for a moment; I couldn't guess what she may have been thinking. "Want to watch a movie?"

That wasn't even close. "Sure."

"Good, I really need to lay down."

We watched three movies back to back; after a while Alice got up to grab all the junk food out of my cupboards. With her head on the opposite end on the couch as mine, Alice curled up, resting her legs over my calves. We didn't talk much, except to decide on the next movie. After the third one, Alice stretched, "want to go to the beach?"

We both got up; neither of us had so much as showered yet that day. I changed into a pair of jeans and a white tank top. Alice put on one of my t-shirts and pairs of jeans. She cuffed the sleeves of the shirt twice and had to wear a belt with the pants. "Sometimes I can't believe I'm only a size bigger than you."

She shrugged and tried on a pair of my flip flops; they were a little big, but they would do. We walked the short distance to the water in silence. Alice stretched her legs out in front of her once we picked a spot on the sand, kicking off her shoes. The beach was quiet, the late afternoon sun still shining warmly. "You said Mike's name in your sleep," she said softly.

I wrapped my arms around my knees.

"Are you still having the dreams?" We both stared out at the waves, a seagull picked at something near the shore.

"Not that much."

"You can talk to me if you need to."

"I'm ok." I leaned back on my hands, straightening my legs on the sand.

Alice scooted closer, leaning her head on my shoulder. "I love you, you know that right." She said it as a statement.

I tilted my head until it rested on hers, "I love you too, Alice."

"I see good things in your future."

"You always do."

"I'm right though." She nodded to herself. "You should trust me."

"I do, mostly."

We picked up dinner at a little Mexican take-out place on the way back to my apartment. Mostly, we chatted about her line and the different things she wanted to make for the show. I'm not sure how it happened, but somehow she got me to agree to help her. It seemed to me like she had plenty of time, but she said she had a million things to do before she was ready.

She ate a spoonful of rice and chuckled to herself about something, "so I've been wondering…what exactly did you write in that e-mail last night to Edward?"

I took a sip of my soda, "I have no idea. I meant to check earlier, but I forgot."

"Can I?" She asked, not waiting for a response as she opened my e-mail. I watched her read it, her grin getting bigger and bigger. I frowned and grabbed the laptop, turning it to me. She laughed, but didn't say anything.

_oh dear edwardd_

_im so so sorry for standing you up tonight!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i didn't mean to and alice said I couldnt use the internet and i couldnt get emmett alone!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i missed you a whole lot please forgive me ok?!!!_

_Bellla _

I put my head in my hands; was it possible that my headache was coming back? "Oh crap…"

Alice chuckled, "that's not the first time you've said that today."

"I'm surprised he even talked to me today; I sounded like an idiot."

She took a drink before answering, "he likes you, it would take something a lot bigger than that – "

"What do you mean, he likes me?" I raised my head to look at her.

She gave me a weird look. "Oh Bella," she sounded a little patronizing. "That poor boy likes you so much it's not even funny." I must have looked skeptical because she continued. "How late does he stay up talking to you? You realize how demanding his job is, right? He's probably getting, what? Five hours of sleep a night? And, oh yeah, he _composed music_ for you! The closest I've ever gotten to that was a mixed tape Bobby Dresden made for me in the eighth grade. Just the fact that your first letter moved him so much that he _wrote you back_ says a lot." Her voice lowered so I could barely hear her, "what I wouldn't give for…" she trailed off, biting her lip.

It was then that I realized - Alice was lonely. I had been so wrapped up in myself for the last two years it had never even occurred to me. I looked at her; she was looking down at her empty plate. I reached across and put my hand over hers, not really knowing what to say. "Alice…"

She shook her head, smiling part way. "I'm fine, don't you start worrying about me…I'm Alice, remember?"

I lifted my lips in some semblance of a smile. "Yes you are."

She squeezed my hand once and then changed the subject.

When she decided it was time for her to get back home, we got up to gather her belongings that seemed to be sprinkled randomly around the apartment. I walked into the bathroom to grab her purse; she thought it might be in there, but we weren't sure. I searched around, but didn't see it. On a whim, I pulled back the shower curtain to check. There it was, hanging around the faucet along with something else.

"Hey, Alice? Why is my clock in the tub?"


	13. Chapter 13

Author's Note: Many thank you's and yes, they're going to meet very soon. I'm excited :)

Nice reviews are better than chocolate, unless maybe you're licking that chocolate off someone.

* * *

Thirteen

_June_

"This seems more like a Rose job to me," I was standing near the kitchen sink, talking to Alice on the phone. Edward was waiting patiently at the kitchen table…not literally, unfortunately.

The last few months had passed much too quickly; I was still absolutely terrified about meeting Edward. I went over the possibilities in my head daily, most of them ended badly; I'm not sure why. We hadn't talked about it much and I still didn't know many details about what was going on. I knew Alice was leaving for New York on August 8th; she wanted to meet Edward, but promised to wait until I got there too. He asked questions about our trip every once in a while, mostly about when I'd be there, September 12th, and what plans I had when I arrived.

"Bella, c'mon it'll be fun. Haven't you ever wanted to judge someone based solely on what they look like?"

"Not really."

"Besides, Rose says she doesn't want to be around all those skinny people; she said she feels like a cow." Rose was due in two weeks and was miserable. She spent most of her time in the comfort of her air conditioned home, though she did come outside in the early evening for our weekly dinner. Suffice to say, she was ready for this part to be over.

I looked toward my laptop and sighed, "ok, I'll be there as soon as I can."

I could hear Alice clapping, "excellent, see you in a bit."

I sat back down at the table and looked at Edward; it looked like he was reading something in a different window on his computer screen. He had his glasses perched on his nose, studying something intently. I fought the urge to run my fingers over the screen. "Hey, I'm back, but not for long. I promised Alice I'd help her look at models at her store today."

He laughed, "that sounds interesting."

"I guess; she wants to look at the crop of girls that show up today and then she's going to look at more when she gets to New York."

"It's nice that you're helping her out this much," he smiled in that perfect lopsided way he had that made me forget anything I'd been about to say. It's true, I'd become an assistant of sorts to Alice the last couple of months. When school let out for the year, I volunteered to teach during the summer session, but that was only part time for six weeks. It let out the second week of July; Alice was practically wringing her hands together waiting for me to be out of work. So far I'd helped her hire a personal assistant who ended up being an absolute lifesaver; she kept Alice's head screwed on the last two months. Rose helped with the actual designing of the new clothes for the show; I tended to be the mannequin during these think tank sessions. She said I was the only one skinny enough to try the clothes on; I hated it at first, but now it was like old hat.

"Thanks, I actually kind of like it sometimes…depending on what we're doing. Anyway, I should get going," I said reluctantly.

"Do you know when you might be back?"

It was 10:00 a.m. on a Saturday, one of the rare days both of us were free. The construction of Edward and Jasper's building addition was in full swing which meant long hours and usually six day work weeks. "No idea, are you going to be around all day?"

"Yeah, I should be. Just send me an instant message, I'll turn up the volume on my laptop so I can hear it," he grinned.

We said our goodbyes and I got ready to leave. Alice's shop was in with the trendy stores on Robertson Boulevard in Beverly Hills; it was called simply "alice" in lower case letters. When I asked her why she named it after herself she said that she'd worked hard enough to buy the space, people were going to damn well know who owned it.

I debated picking up some food for Alice and her assistant, but wasn't sure if eating in front of the models was appropriate. I decided to do it anyway. I didn't hit much traffic on the freeway, at this time of day though the other side of the freeway was packed with day trippers to the beach. I parked in a garage down the street from her store and grabbed the legal pad I had started keeping in my car and the bags of food. My phone started vibrating in my back pocket so I juggled my things into one hand and reached for it. "Hello?" I sounded a little out of breath."

I heard some light laughter, "Bells? Were you running or something?"

It was Jacob. We'd been friendly since the night we met at the club with Alice; we'd even gone out a couple of times. The first time was the typical dinner and a movie and absolutely no spark whatsoever. I spent most of the night wondering what Edward was doing and what he'd think of me going out on a date. I hadn't told him; I don't know why. Jacob didn't try and kiss me at the end of the night, for which I was grateful, but he did ask me out again. I mostly said yes to be nice. The second date was a little better. We hung around Newport; I showed him the sights. He lived in Los Angeles and rarely got a chance to actually see the beach. We clicked on some level; there was playful banter and all that, but still no spark. In the end, we decided we made better friends. We didn't hang out too much, but usually spoke on the phone a couple of times a week. "Hey, Jake, what's up?" I leaned so I could hold the phone between my ear and shoulder.

"I just wanted to know if you wanted to do something tonight. You sound busy."

I exited the garage and stepped into the bright sunlight, "actually I am, sorry. I'm helping Alice pick out models for her show today." He didn't ask me to do things with him too often, but when he did I always got the feeling it was more than a platonic evening out.

I could tell he was smiling, "does she need any more help?"

I laughed, "I think we're all set. I'll tell her you said hi though." We said our goodbyes and I let my phone drop into one of the bags.

I could see the line of models as I approached the store; there must have been at least a hundred girls waiting to be seen. I already felt bad for them; Alice was only choosing a dozen girls for the show. I tried to be friendly as I passed, nodding hello and smiling to them. Some smiled and said hello back, most looked at me coolly. Alice had closed her store for the day and the big glass doors were locked; I knocked and Angela, Alice's assistant, smiled and came to open the door for me. "Oh, yay! You brought food," Angela took one of the bags from me and brought it to the table set up for us. "Go ahead and sit here," she gestured to one of the chairs, "we're going to start letting the girls in soon. I just need to go talk to them for a sec." She smiled again and then unlocked the doors and stepped outside; I could hear her telling the girls how the casting call was going to work.

"Hey, oh you brought food!" Alice walked in from the back and started pulling things out of the two plastic grocery bags. I'd gotten different fruit salads, a bag of Alice's favorite chocolate chip cookies, and water and sodas; seeing the number of girls standing outside made me wish I'd gotten more. Alice munched on a cookie, "you ready for this?"

I shrugged and reached for some fruit.

Angela walked back inside, "can I start letting them in?" Alice nodded and Angela propped open one of the doors. The first model walked in; she was the usual - very tall, very thin and very beautiful. Angela followed her in and sat on the other side of Alice. The model handed Alice her book of photographs and didn't say anything.

"You're eighteen?" Alice asked; the girl nodded. I looked at the pictures in the girl's book; she looked so different in her pictures I couldn't barely tell it was her. "Can I see you walk?" The girl went a few yards to one side and then walked across the store, posed, and walked back. "What do you think of my line?"

"Oh, I love it!" The girl gushed to Alice, "It's feminine, but with an edge. I have the blue dress, the satin one with the cinched in waist."

Alice nodded, remaining professional even though I knew it had to make her a little excited that the model had one of her pieces. "Ok, I have your agency's information, thank you. Send the next girl in on your way out please." Alice closed the girl's book and handed it back to her. "What do you think?" She asked the both of us before the girl was all the way out the door.

I hesitated, "uh, she was pretty…and she likes your stuff."

"They usually just say that to make you like them. I don't think she walked very well," Alice said. I didn't know if I was going to be much help; I had no idea what I should be looking for and I didn't think I could be brutal enough.

"She photographed beautifully though." Angela added.

Alice nodded and looked up to the next model.

We spent the rest of the afternoon like that; I didn't know how Alice could maintain her perfect composure that long. By three o'clock Angela left to get more food. I had picked up enough listening to Angela and Alice discuss the models that I had an idea of what I was doing. "So, Bella, I was thinking," Alice started. "How would you feel about coming to New York when I did?"

I took a drink of my water and swallowed loudly. "You mean in August?"

"Yeah."

That meant I'd be there a month earlier than planned; I'd see Edward a month earlier, have over a month with him. "Isn't Angela coming with you?"

"Yeah, but I want you there. You've been here the whole time, you know my work. I'm gonna need a friend, Bella." She looked at me with her best pleading expression.

"What about Rose?"

Alice sighed, "she's going to have the baby; I can't ask her to spend that much time in New York."

_Edward, stupid! You'll get to see Edward for more than a month!_ "Ok, I'll do it." I said without another thought. "Oh wait, what about school?" I furrowed my brow - that was a good question.

"Don't worry about it, I've already talked to your principal –"

"Are you guys friends now, or what?"

"We chat sometimes. Anyway, she said she can get a sub for the first couple weeks of school, no problemo."

"You could rule the world, you know," I smiled.

She smiled, "yeah I know."

I finally got home some time after seven, hoping that Edward was still around. I sent him an instant message saying hello and got up to see what I could eat for dinner. I made myself a sandwich and opened a leftover soda, pouring it into an ice filled glass before sitting back down. He was waiting for me; we connected so we could see each other as was the norm. "Hi," he smiled slowly and warmly. "How'd it go?"

"Good," I smiled back, "but looking at them made me hungry; you wouldn't believe how thin these girls were."

"I can imagine."

"Do you mind if I eat while we talk?"

"Not at all."

I took a bite of my sandwich, chewing slowly before swallowing. "So, I have some news."

He nodded for me to continue.

"Alice has asked me to come to New York with her when she goes." I watched him carefully.

"You mean on the eighth? Of August?" He leaned forward a little.

I was surprised he'd remembered the date. "Yeah."

"Did you say yes?"

Did he look…hopeful? "Yeah, so I'll be there for a little over a month." I was still studying his face.

He smiled and let out a little laugh, "that's…wonderful." He nodded, "that's really good." He was still smiling.

I was relieved, letting out a sigh. "Good, I was afraid you might not want me there that long." I blurted out.

He looked at me incredulously, "_why?_"

"I…I don't know. I just thought you might get tired of having me around, you know."

He laughed, "that's not going to happen. I don't think I could ever get tired of having you around." He grinned crookedly, "I can't wait for you to get here."

I couldn't wait either.


	14. Chapter 14

Author's Note: Thank you's as always; you guys make this worthwhile.

Nice reviews are better than chocolate, unless maybe you're licking that chocolate off someone.

* * *

Fourteen

"So, I have some news."

It made me nervous when she said that. I had a feeling my luck had run out; she was going to tell me she wasn't going to be able to come out to New York in September after all. Already, she had only been planning on being here for a week; that's all I was getting with her. And not even that since she was going to be so busy helping Alice get her show ready.

"Alice has asked me to come to New York with her when she goes."

I tried and probably failed to look as casual as possible, _oh, I don't completely adore you, I don't think of your face before I fall asleep at night_…"You mean on the eighth? Of August?" I had every date even remotely related to Bella's trip committed to memory.

"Yeah."

"Did you say yes?" Hope was pouring out of me; I wasn't even trying to hide it.

"Yeah, so I'll be there for a little over a month."

I laughed; I couldn't believe this was happening. She was going to be here for a _month,_ over a month, actually. "That's…wonderful." I nodded, mostly to myself, "that's really good."

She sighed. "Good, I was afraid you might not want me there that long."

How the hell could she think that? "W_hy?_"

"I…I don't know. I just thought you might get tired of having me around, you know."

I don't think she had any idea just how much I wanted to see her. "That's not going to happen. I don't think I could ever get tired of having you around." I grinned crookedly, "I can't wait for you to get here." I meant it; I was literally counting down the days until she was here. And now she'd be here five weeks sooner than planned.

It was a little embarrassing just how much I learned about Fashion Week since Bella told me she was coming. I knew when it was; I knew it was a week later this year than normal. I knew how many tents there were, where and when Alice's show was. I also knew that all these months of planning were for a show that would last less than twenty minutes with about a dozen models.

I wondered how involved Bella would be with the show once she got here. Since her school let out, she was spending a couple of afternoons a week in Los Angeles with Alice. I didn't mind that much, I knew I couldn't expect her to spend all her available hours with me, but I hated that we were so far apart on top of being so busy. I hated the time difference; I hated that I couldn't really be with her, that I didn't come home to her at night. Sometimes I felt like I might snap and confess my feelings to her at any moment, but I always stopped myself. It just didn't feel like the right way to go about it; I wanted to have her here in front of me. I wanted…to stop thinking about it for one second because I was making myself miserable.

I think I was starting to get on Jasper's nerves. He knew almost as much about Bella and her friends as I did; he was interested, but only to a degree.

In all the time I'd known him, he'd only had one serious girlfriend and he didn't really date around as far as I could tell. That wasn't for lack of interest on the part of the female population; I'd heard enough women in the office to know that much. They also seemed to think he was a little intimidating, which just made me laugh. I couldn't distance myself enough to see what they saw.

"Hey, so Alice was wondering if Jasper wanted to go to the show."

It had been a week since Bella told me she was coming to New York early and tonight we both had a blessed evening to ourselves. I thought about her question; Jasper didn't really strike me as a fashion show kind of guy, but then again, neither was I. "Sure, I could probably get him to go." That was less enthusiastic than I was aiming for, but about the best I could do.

"She could use another person in her cheering section."

"Are you supposed to cheer at these things?"

"I –," she paused, looking at something off to her left. "Just a minute, Emmett's calling me." She stood up to grab her phone. It was quiet for a moment and then Bella said something that sounded too rushed for a casual conversation. She leaned into the screen without sitting down. She sounded breathless, "I have to go, Rose went into labor! Sorry, I'll talk to you tomorrow ok? Bye!" She stood up and then leaned down again. "I'm really sorry!"

I laughed, "it's ok. Tell her I said hi and congratulations."

Bella slowed down a second and smiled brightly, "I will, I'll talk to you later." I heard a little crash as she dropped something on the floor before disconnecting the video feed.

I knew she wouldn't be back any time soon, so I called Jasper. I meant for him to just come over, but we ended up in a small bar near my apartment. He was looking a little ragged and by his fourth beer, he was getting confessional.

"Maybe you should take some time off? You work seven days a week." I said, nursing my second beer of the evening.

"It's not that…I don't know, I have nothing else but work…" He looked at his bottle.

I hadn't realized that Jasper was lonely; I always thought he was happy wrapping his life around his career. That's the way he'd always been; that's the way I was before I met Bella. Before I could think of anything to say, I felt a slim arm wrap around my shoulders. "Hello gentlemen," Tanya looked at me. "I haven't seen you out much lately."

"He's been preoccupied," Jasper said, taking a swallow of his drink. I shot him a look.

"Preoccupied?" It had piqued her interest.

I leaned forward, trying to shake off her arm, but it wouldn't budge. "Yeah, you know, work and everything." I had the urge to leave, but I didn't want to leave Jasper here with the predator unattended.

Tanya was looking at Jasper now, "had a rough day?"

He had gotten another beer. He nodded, taking a long drink.

"You know what you need? A shot - let's do a shot together." She leaned on the bar, getting the bartender's attention; she asked for three shots of tequila.

I moved around her to talk to Jasper. "I don't think this is a good idea, why don't I just take you home, ok?" Considering Jasper wasn't a small guy; he had never been able to hold his alcohol well. I used to tease him in college for being such a lightweight.

He shook his head slowly, "I'm fine. I'm not as drunk as you think you are…as I think I am…" he trailed off. He turned to Tanya who had three shots sitting in front of her; before I could stop him he grabbed one and drank it. "To…me!"

I grabbed his arm and pulled him up; he was slouched over, but standing nonetheless. "Ok, time to go."

"But you haven't had yours yet," Tanya pouted.

"You can have it." I pulled Jasper along behind me, not waiting to hear Tanya's response.

"I don't want to go home yet." Jasper mumbled after I got him outside.

"Where do you want to go?"

"I don't care."

I half walked, half dragged him back to my apartment; it was easier than getting him back to his own home across town. I unlocked the door and Jasper walked right to my couch and slumped over, his body across the cushions, his feet still on the floor. "Sorry I screwed up your night."

"You didn't." I went into the kitchen to get him a glass of water. When I came back, he was sitting up, resting his head back on the couch. "Drink this," I handed him the glass.

"I'm dizzy."

"I know."

He drained the glass without complaint and then asked for another. Once he was done with that one he went to the bathroom; when he came back he was sans his tie and shoes. I didn't really know the right way to ask, so I just asked. "Are you alright?"

He spoke toward the ceiling, "yeah, I don't know…yeah. It's just…Maria's getting married…" She was his ex, the would-be love of his life. When the two of them were together, she never wanted to be married, never wanted children. Jasper did. "I'm gonna go to sleep." I stood up so he could stretch himself out; I grabbed him a blanket. He was asleep before I put it over him.

* * *

Author's Note: So, just to build a little anticipation...Alice and Bella will be going to New York in the next chapter :)


	15. Chapter 15

Author's Note: Your reviews make me feel all warm and fuzzy :) Ok, so one of you guys asked if I was going to write a chapter in Alice or Jasper's point of view (for when they meet, because it's pretty obvious that's where I'm headed). Honestly, the thought hadn't occurred to me at the time, but it could be pretty interesting; what do you guys think? Thank you again for reading :)

Nice reviews are better than chocolate, unless maybe you're licking that chocolate off someone.

* * *

Fifteen

_August 8__th_

"Wait…we're flying first class?" I was looking at my ticket on the way to security; the new knowledge making me even more nervous. I was wearing a pair of ratty sweatpants and a t-shirt with my old university's initials on it. I had a pair of sunglasses hooked onto the collar and my slightly damp hair left a wet spot on the back of my shirt; they'd probably kick me out.

"You look fine," Alice glanced at me appraisingly. "You have that rich hippie thing going on, granted it's not exactly my favorite look, but it's popular."

"Thanks, I feel a lot better." My nerves and sarcasm seemed to be working together. We went through security; Alice was fine, but I set off the metal detectors and had to go through again. I had taken everything off but my clothes, but it was still beeping at me. Alice grabbed our things off the belt while the TSA lady took me over to a more remote area to frisk me. I could have died. Her hands moved nimbly over my body as I chewed over the fact that I hadn't been this felt up in years; I giggled. The lady looked at me with a raised eyebrow. "Sorry…ticklish." My face was burning up.

She moved her hands over the edges of my bra. "Aha, it's probably just the underwire."

I didn't say anything; I tried to pretend I was somewhere else. She let me go after another second and I rushed, barefoot, over to where Alice was waiting at a row of chairs. "You ok?"

My red face was just barely fading. "Yeah, it was just my bra." To her credit, Alice didn't laugh at me. I slipped my shoes back on and slung my carry-on strap over my shoulder. We found our gate without a minute to spare.

"C'mon, we get to board first," she grabbed my hand and led me to the front. I had this weird premonition of the ticket lady taking one look at me and laughing, telling me to get in the back of the line, but she didn't. She just smiled pleasantly and told us to have a good flight.

We were in the third row of the large plane. We put our things in the overhead bin and settled into our seats; Alice took off her shoes and curled her legs underneath herself. The big leather seats made her look even tinier. I set my book on my lap and put my seatbelt on, fumbling with it for a moment. "I'm glad you're coming with me," Alice said quietly once my seatbelt was in place. She looked a little nervous.

"I am too," I smiled. We were quiet during the flight attendant's speech; I think it just made us both more on edge.

Once it was finished, Alice pulled her sweater off to use as a pillow. "I don't trust the airplane ones."

I opened my book to read, but couldn't concentrate. Edward had offered to meet us at the airport, but Alice told him to come to our hotel instead. She said, to me, not to him, that she wanted to fix me up first. "You only meet your soul mate once," she'd said. I didn't argue with her.

Instead, she instructed him to meet us in the lobby of our hotel, the W. She said she wanted to go down and meet him, but would leave the two of us alone for the evening. She had plans to meet with the stylist for her show for dinner so I didn't feel quite so much like I was abandoning her. I replayed the many different ways the night could go. We'd meet and it would be awkward and uncomfortable all night. Or maybe he'd come up to me and tell me that he loves me and wants to spend the rest of his life with me. Or he could not show up at all. Or we could not be attracted to each other. I mean, we'd only ever really seen each other from the shoulders up. Or –

"Bella, your food," Alice was handing me a covered plate of whatever the plane meal was; I grabbed it and pulled down my tray table. I hadn't even realized Alice had woken up from her nap.

"How much time is left?" I asked.

"A little over two hours I think."

I didn't say anything more. When I finished my food, I waited for the flight attendant to come by with the trash bag before reclining my seat to take a nap.

My phone was ringing again; people had been calling nonstop since we all found out. I'd kill Mike for telling our friends if I had the energy. I rolled over and lifted the receiver once before putting it down again. Then I lifted the receiver again and set it down on the nightstand. I hadn't been feeling well, physically I mean, mentally I don't know what I felt – nothing? But that wasn't right either. I felt like the light had left me. And the physical pain was getting worse; my insides felt like they were shredding and reconnecting in ways that didn't fit. They tightened and pulled in places that couldn't be right. I hid it at first, but now I was folding over on myself. I could hear Mike in the kitchen; he didn't know how to be around me. Carefully, I got out of bed and clutched my arms around myself, barely making it into the bathroom. I felt…something. "Mike –," I called to him, hoping my coarse, frail sounding voice was loud enough. My eyes were beginning to water, but I didn't have the strength to wipe the tears away. I kept one arm around myself and the other on the rim of the sink for balance. He opened the door a second later and his eyes widened in shock. My teeth chattered; I could barely get out the words. "Something's wrong."

I inhaled sharply as I opened my eyes; outside the plane, the sky seemed too bright. I closed the plastic shade and looked over to Alice who was sleeping soundly. Catching my breath, I closed my eyes again, trying to focus on slowing my racing heart and stilling my shaking hands. When I no longer felt like I was having a panic attack, I heard a deep calm voice come over the speakers telling us that we'd be landing within the next twenty minutes. It did nothing to maintain my forced composure. Next to me, Alice stretched her legs out in front of her and rolled her head from one shoulder to the other. She looked at me, "it's a good thing Edward isn't meeting us here, you look like hell. I mean that in the nicest way possible."

"Thanks, same to you," I smirked.

She made a sound of amusement and stretched her arms over her head. The closer we got to landing, the more nervous I got; I was surprised Alice didn't say anything. She talked idly about how she was planning on fixing my hair and what she wanted me to wear. I packed my own suitcase this time around, but I knew she'd stuck some things in her own bags that were for me.

I held my breath as the plane got in line with the runway, not letting it out until we had safely touched down. Alice and I gathered our things once the plane stopped and waited for the door to open. "Here we go," Alice said quietly when we were let off.

My body felt a little like it was vibrating and I found myself looking at every face I passed, thinking it might be Edward. _He's not even here_, I reminded myself. We followed the signs through the myriad walkways until we finally found baggage claim. Standing there waiting I began to crave a mirror. My hair felt tangled and messy and I had an urge to brush my teeth again and take another shower. Even Alice looked tired, which was a rarity. After a few minutes, the belt started moving, suitcases going by one at a time. We both took an automatic step forward to watch for ours.

My bag was one of the first to come around; I reached down to grab it, but when I went to pull it up, the wheel got caught on the strap of the bag next to it. I tugged on it, trying to get it loose by force, but that didn't seem to be working. If I didn't hurry, I was going to be walking with my bag around the belt.

Two hands came into view, deftly pulling the strap from around the wheel of my suitcase and then grabbing it to lower it to the ground. The hands were large, but the fingers slim; they belonged to a man. I followed them up to lean muscled forearms, partially covered by the rolled up sleeves of a white shirt. The shoulders were broad and square; the neck had the same kind of lean but strong build as the forearms. Above that was the sexiest smile I'd ever seen in my life.

"Hey, you looked like you could use a little help," his gaze made me feel like I wasn't wearing any clothes.

I couldn't get the stupid half grin, half surprised expression off my face; it was the same look I had the first time Alice sat me down in front of my webcam. I opened my mouth a little way but no sound came out. I felt a sharp little elbow in my side.

_Say something_.


	16. Chapter 16

Author's Note: The response to this story is awesome, thank you so much. Also, this one is a little longer than normal to make up for the cliffhanger in the last chapter.

Nice reviews are better than chocolate, unless maybe you're licking that chocolate off someone.

* * *

Sixteen

I managed a wide eyed, but happy expression. "Hi." _Do I hug him? Shake his hand? Jump him? I thought we were meeting at the hotel? _

Edward took a step forward and leaned down, brushing his lips against my cheek. He smelled like a mix of coffee and something I couldn't name; I tried to commit the scent to memory. "I know I said I'd meet you later on, but…" He looked a little shy all of a sudden.

"Hey, Cullen!" Alice smiled, "well we're happy you're here. I hope you don't mind that we look like bums," she gestured to herself and me.

He smiled warmly, "you look great." Edward turned to me, "both of you."

I swallowed, "yeah…well thank you, and for freeing my suitcase."

"Anytime, so, can I help you ladies with your bags?" Unbeknownst to me, Alice had grabbed both her suitcases while I was swooning over Edward. He reached for the handle on mine and Alice handed him two garment bags and a huge suitcase; her things for the show had been shipped on ahead and in theory, were waiting for her in a studio space she'd rented. Angela had flown in two days earlier and it was her job to unpack and organize everything, poor girl.

I didn't know how he did it, but Edward kept hold of everything. "So, taxi?"

I nodded, but Alice interrupted before I could actually say anything, "actually, I have a driver. There he is!" She waved in the direction of a middle aged man in a suit; he held a sign that read "Alice Brandon" on it. He started walking toward us and we met him halfway; he took the garment bags and our carry-ons, leading us outside to the waiting town car.

Alice walked in front of us, giving Edward and me a modicum of privacy. He leaned down to me mid stride, "Alice sure knows how to travel." I felt myself consciously leaning closer to him.

I nodded, "she appreciates the finer things in life."

Our driver loaded our belongings into the trunk and then opened the door for us. Edward looked like he was about to say goodbye, thankfully Alice seemed to notice. "You're coming with us."

"Oh," although he knew how she was, he still looked surprised by her forwardness. "Ok." He looked pleased as he followed us into the car. He chuckled, "am I going with you to the hotel?"

"Yes," Alice said matter-of-factly.

We got a luggage cart was pushed to our rooms by a bellman (Alice got two rooms, saying I would need "privacy" eventually). He led the way down the hall as Edward walked just slightly behind him. Alice nudged me, "I see you checking him out," she whispered. I gave her a withering look, but she just shrugged. "You can deny it all you want."

I shushed her, but didn't say anything. She was right; we had a really nice view. I could feel my face blushing crimson the more I thought about it. "Here we are," the bellman said, turning to us as he got to the first room, ours were next to each other. I saw Edward turn and notice my face, but he didn't comment. Alice unlocked the door and we followed her inside. The room was a mix of white and a color that, to my dismay (or heightened pleasure), could only be described as coffee. There was a large window that looked out to the city below, and a sitting area near the bed.

Alice kicked Edward out of the bedroom, telling him it was time for the both of us to get ready, and sent him to her room. Originally, he was going to hang out there until I was ready, but he decided to go back to his apartment to shower and change.

It gave me a lot of visuals.

We asked him where he was taking me, but he wouldn't say, instead giving me the small clue that we would be outside for part of the night and that he'd be back in a couple of hours.

Immediately after he left, Alice pulled three outfits out of one of the garment bags. I jumped in the shower while she took her things next door to her room, my stomach fluttering. Was this a date? How dressed up was I supposed to get? And – wow, he was good looking. As in, all the way, up and down, good looking. As in, be still my heart, be still my libido, good looking. I hoped Alice would be able to work her magic on me enough that I wouldn't look quite as out of place standing next to him. Once I was out of the shower, I put on some lotion and re-brushed my teeth.

"Keep your towel on," Alice called through the door before opening it. "Here, they're La Perla." She handed me a matching bra and underwear set; I could already feel the flush.

"You bought me underwear?"

"I had a feeling your things didn't match; you never know what might happen tonight," she grinned wickedly as I pushed her out the door. The bra was lacy and light pink; the underwear was actually what Alice referred to as a "boyshort"; I don't know, but they were nicer looking than a thong. After I had them on, I wrapped the towel around myself again and stepped into the bedroom. "Here, put this on."

"Jeans!" I smiled and pulled them on; they were nicer than any of mine – a slim fit and a very dark blue. She handed me a simple, sheer white shirt with a wide cut neckline that, when I put it on, skimmed around the outside of my collarbone.

"There's a jacket too, but we can wait until you're finished getting ready for that." We went back into the bathroom and I put my hair up in a towel to keep my shirt from being soaked. Alice had to jump up onto the counter in order to be the right height to do my make-up. I felt a little silly about it; she was always getting me ready. When I asked her if she minded, she said it was fun, that she liked me being her doll for a little while. She skipped foundation, thank goodness, and instead put on a bit of eye make-up and added a tiny bit of rosy pink colored blush to my cheeks. "There," she said when she was done, "you have that roses and cream thing going on now." She dried my hair in such a way that it looked fuller; it cascaded down my back in smooth waves.

I looked at myself in the mirror. I looked nice, almost nice enough to go out with Edward without feeling self conscious.

Ok, who was I kidding? I knew I'd still feel that way.

Our phone rang and Alice answered, she said a quick thank you and hung up. "He's waiting for you in the lobby. Here's your jacket." She started handing me things, first a deep brown leather jacket that I slipped on and then some patent flats in the same shade. I was grateful they weren't heels; I wasn't ready to embarrass myself that much on a first date. Date?

I bit my lip, "how do I look?"

Alice was practically bouncing, "beautiful! Now go have fun and I want to hear about _everything._" She did that mischievous grin that she did so well and I flushed. "None of that," she kissed me on the cheek.

We said goodbye and I made my way to the elevator, attempting to give myself a pep talk. It would be ok. What's the worst that could happen? _Let's not go down that road._ Things would be alright; he must like me somewhat to go to all this trouble.

The elevator doors opened and I stepped out into the lobby. I spotted him right away; he was sitting by himself on a couch, his body turned toward the elevators. Edward looked _good. _He had on a lightweight dark grey jacket with the color turned up and a black t-shirt underneath; it had writing on it, but I couldn't tell what it said. His jeans were the same color as mine. He smiled crookedly when he saw me and I actually stopped walking for a second. His expression looked almost…hungry? That was the only way I could describe it.

Edward stood up and walked over to meet me, his pace quick. Belatedly, I smiled back at him and he swept me up in a hug that would have startled me had it not been such a turn on. _You're turned on by a hug? Yes, shut up and enjoy it. _I put my arms around his middle; his body felt strong under his clothing. I suppressed a pleasurable shiver. "I wasn't sure if Alice would approve if I'd done this at the airport," he said in my ear before letting go.

I let out a little laugh, "she probably wouldn't have minded too much; she really does like you."

Edward did the lopsided smile thing again and I felt a warming twist in my stomach. He motioned toward the exit, "shall we?"

I nodded and felt his hand touch the small of my back as he led me into the warm early evening air. The city was bustling, but the pace wasn't so far off from what I was used to in California. Things had a different atmosphere here though; it didn't feel as flat to me. I hadn't noticed it the first time I was here. "So," I said, stealing a glance at him, "will you tell me where we're going now?" His hand hadn't left my back; as a matter of fact, it seemed to be drifting toward my waist.

"Well, I thought we'd start with dinner. The airplane food couldn't have been that appetizing," he said, our eyes meeting momentarily.

I hadn't realized how hungry I was until he mentioned it; my stomach felt totally empty. We walked for another minute in silence before Edward reached his arm out to hail a cab. One stopped on his second try and he let me in first; I slid across the seat for him. "45 East 22nd, near Broadway please," he said to the cab driver who took off like he was the only car on the road. It didn't take long to get to the restaurant.

We stepped out in front of a quaint, little place with a name I couldn't pronounce. "Italian, ok?" He asked before he opened the door for me.

I nodded, still unable to form thoughts coherent enough to speak them.

Edward seemed to know the people working there and we were seated in no time. He leaned down to me, "I worked here when I first came to New York." His warm breath so close to my neck made me shiver. "So, what's Alice up to tonight?" He asked as we sat down at a small round table; I think he could tell I didn't feel comfortable yet.

I cleared my throat. "She's having dinner with the stylist for her show and she mentioned going by her studio space. Angela has been there setting everything up for her since Thursday."

"All by herself?"

"Yeah, but Alice is paying for everything and she put her up in the same hotel we're in, and I think she raised her pay, so Angela doesn't mind. She has the work ethic of…well I don't know who." I smiled part way. "Speaking of which, how's the addition going?"

He tilted his head thoughtfully and I wondered what he was thinking. "The exteriors are almost done; I can take you by it some time if you'd like."

"Sure, I'd like to finally see what it looks like. I remember when you first landed the account." It was the same day he found my letter; we both grinned at the memory.

He reached his hand over the table and brushed his fingers feather light over the top of my hand, "that was a good day."

Edward was flirting with me. Even I, ever the pessimist, couldn't deny it. I wasn't very good at this, but he didn't appear to notice. Our conversation sailed back and forth smoothly and it was much too soon that the check arrived. Edward pulled out a credit card to pay for it. "I want to pay my half." I said quickly, reaching for my wallet.

"It's ok."

"No, I'm not going to take advantage."

"Of what? My hospitality?" He grinned.

I bit my lip, "well, yeah."

"Trust me, you're not." He paused, studying my expression. "How about this, feel like going for a walk? We can work up an appetite for dessert and you can pay for that if you'd like."

I knew he was just placating me, but the thought of extending the evening was too tempting to pass up. "Ok."

His arm slipped easily around my waist and I was suddenly very aware of every place we were touching – my shoulder against the space just under his arm, his forearm around my back, his hand on my side. "I had a place in mind, if that's ok?"

I nodded without asking where, instead taking in my surroundings. It had gotten dark while we were eating, but people still hurried about as if it were daylight. We kept a very leisurely pace; it relaxed me enough that I couldn't care less where we were going. After a few minutes we passed the same park I went by the first time I came to New York. The gate was tall and it looked almost deserted inside. I still didn't know what my connection was to this little square of building surrounded land. "Would you like to go inside?" Edward asked, bringing me out of my thoughts.

"What? Yeah, but I thought it was private?"

"It is, I have a key," Edward smiled slowly, his eyes warm.

"You do?" I tried not to sound too eager.

He pulled a set of keys out of his pocket, "yes. Shall we?" He reached his arm out for me to take, separating a gold colored key from the rest.

It seemed quieter in the park; everything was muted around us. I could see one other couple walking along a pathway, the man's arm over his companion's shoulder. Edward moved his arm around my waist again and we walked in no set direction. "I'm glad you're here," his voice was low, mellow.

I leaned my head to rest on him, "I am too." We walked to a narrower pathway with trees on either side; Edward stopped walking and turned me to face him.

I had a feeling it might be coming, but it was nothing like what I could have prepared for. His hands were gentle as they reached up to touch my face, his thumbs moving over my cheekbones. He looked right into my eyes as if asking for permission; I took a step closer in answer. He moved one hand from my face, trailing it to my waist.

My lips, slightly parted, met his and everything faded away. He was soft and strong and tasted like something sweet. I reached up to touch his neck with one hand, the other grasping onto his jacket for support. I smoothed my fingers along his neck before wrapping an arm around him. He made a low sound in his throat and pulled me closer. We kissed until I thought I might collapse; my heart had taken on a frantic pace, my breathing shallow. He looked at me intently when we parted like he was waiting for the opportunity to kiss me again. My words bypassed that part of me that judged how intelligent they were, as they are wont to do, "what about…dessert?" I asked stupidly.

He lifted half his mouth in a grin, his voice husky, "I think you're it."


	17. Chapter 17

Author's Note: Sorry for the delay; it's been a hellacious week. Thanks so much for reading and as a reward, this is a (hopefully) hot little chapter with no redeeming literary value whatsoever. Also, the points of view shift in this one; Edward is in italics.

Nice reviews are better than chocolate, unless maybe you're licking that chocolate off someone.

* * *

Seventeen

My thoughts vacillated between _this is so wrong_ and _this is so, so right_. By the time we were in the elevator in his apartment building I was paying much more attention to the latter. I didn't know if there were cameras in this particular elevator, but if there were, they were getting a show. I was leaning my back on the half glass wall, Edward's hand on my leg bringing it up to curve around one of his. He switched from using his tongue to using his teeth on my neck and I let my head fall back, no longer caring about where we were or who may be around.

_The damn elevator couldn't move fast enough. When the doors finally opened we stumbled the few yards down the hall to my apartment; somewhere in the back of my mind I was grateful no one saw us. She moved between me and the door as I fumbled for my keys, her arms pulling me tight against her small body. Her hands tugged gently at my hair and I dropped my keys. I growled in frustration and knelt down to pick them up, taking the opportunity to lift the hem of her shirt and plant a kiss on her stomach. I unlocked the door and walked Bella backward inside, kicking the door shut behind me. Lucid enough to know I didn't want the first time we had sex to be on the floor in the entry way, I picked her up and walked to the bedroom._

_I set her down on a wide seat at the foot of my bed and shrugged out of my jacket, flinging it somewhere in the vicinity of the doorway. Before I could gather my bearings, Bella was working her hands under my shirt; so I pulled it up and off. She looked up at me with heavy lidded eyes and bit her lip; I don't think I could have stopped then even if I'd wanted to. I loved it when she did that. I slowed down to pull her jacket off her shoulders; she lifted her shirt and I helped her pull it over her head. _

_I wasn't nearly close enough to her. _

_I leaned down and grabbed her up by the waist, moving us until we were in a more suitable position on the bed. I kissed her collarbone, between her breasts, wanting to taste every inch of her as I made my way to the button of her jeans. I undid it and slid them from her body, tossing them to the floor. I noticed then that somewhere along the way she'd taken off her shoes. I kicked my own off as well. I trailed back up her long legs, taking my time, nipping at the inside of her knee which made her shiver. I filed that information away for later. Moving to the inside of her thigh elicited her first real moan; it was the first of many that night. I slipped my fingers under the hem of her underwear, kissing the front of them; her breath hitched and I smiled against her. Her hips rose slightly and I pulled her underwear down, using my teeth on her hip on my way back up her body. She leaned up on her elbows, one leg around me as I unfastened her bra. That too, landed somewhere on the floor. I ran my hands over her with no more barriers between her heated skin and my fingers. She fell back onto the bed and reached for the front of my jeans, unbuttoning them and sliding them as low as she could. Reluctantly, I stopped touching her, just long enough to remove them and my underwear. _

_I moved on top of her again and groaned as she wrapped her legs around me; she was so incredibly warm, and so soft. I could feel myself at her entrance and I pulled back slightly to look at her, my gentleman side battling it's way through. She put her arms around my neck and pulled me back down, her mouth at my ear. Her voice was deep and sexy as hell, "please," was all she said. I moved in her and gave us both a second to get used to the feeling._

_Looking at her made me feel like I'd found something I didn't know I'd lost._

_We moved together fluidly, one sound of pleasure continuing on to the next until we couldn't take it anymore. Her hands were in my hair again as she let go, her back arching against me, her eyes fluttering closed. That was all it took for me; I pressed my face into the crook of her neck, my body tightening around her. I moaned her name quietly into her skin, unable to do anything else. Slowly, we relaxed, coming back down to earth. _

_I let out a pent up breath, "that was…" I trailed off, my mind still not properly functioning._

"_Amazing," she finished._

We lay there for a while; Edward had moved beside me, skimming his fingers up and down a path from my neck to my hip. After I don't know how long, we moved under the covers. I snuggled up as close as I could, resting my head on him, his arm around my shoulders. It didn't take long for us to fall asleep.

Some time during the night I woke up; I could feel Edward's eyes on me in the darkness. He kissed my forehead, "did I wake you up?"

"No," I kissed a spot on his chest, my fingers grazing over his neck idly. I bit my lip as an idea occurred to me. I kept brushing my fingertips back and forth over him, every few passes moving lower, waiting to see how long it would take him to do something. By the time I was at his stomach, I could feel his muscles beginning to tighten under my hand. Edward's lips were at my hairline, his breath quickening. I grinned and kept going. I traced either hipbone, moving across from one side to the other. I didn't know where my brazenness was coming from, but I was too gone to care. Edward moved his free arm above the covers; his fingers gripping the bedspread tightly. I moved lower, barely touching him. He made a growling sound in his throat.

"Bella."

I looked up at him and bit my lip again. By the time I knew what was happening, he'd grabbed me and set me on top of him.

His lips were parted, his expression intense. "You're insatiable," he said, grinning crookedly until I started rocking slowly above him. He tilted his head back, his hands going to my waist.

If it was possible, the second time was even better than the first.

Even with the jet lag, I was awake before Edward. He was on his stomach facing me, the white sheet pushed down just below his hips. He had both arms up, one resting under the pillow, the other on top of it; his lips were slightly parted and almost too tempting to resist. I didn't know where the bedspread was. It was too dark in the bedroom to really tell what time it was, but other than an idle curiosity; I didn't care that much. I turned to lie on my back and noticed light streaming in from another room. I also saw a corner of the bedspread peeking out from around the foot of the bed.

Waiting for Edward to wake up, I stretched and went over the night before. It was hands down the best sex I'd ever had. Everything about us fit; I almost felt like he could anticipate what I wanted. It goes without saying that he gave freely and with great fervor.

I was so busy reliving the night before that I hadn't realized Edward had woken up. He smiled crookedly and reached for me. "Hey," he covered us both in the sheet, pulling it over our heads. His kisses covered my neck, moving downward. His fingers at my waist tickled and I laughed lightly. He stopped to look at me, a boyish grin on his face.

"You're insatiable," I smiled.

"I thought we established last night who the ravenous one was." He had moved his mouth to the inside of my right knee and my breath caught in my throat.

My phone rang.

"Dammit," he muttered against my leg. He sat up, the blanket coming to rest near his waist.

We both looked around; neither of us could remember where my purse had gone. Edward stood up, much to my enjoyment, and found it in the hallway. He got back into bed and handed it to me; I reached in and grabbed my phone to answer it. Edward pushed me back down on the bed. "Hello," I said, getting distracted by a warm pair of hands moving down my legs.

"I take it somebody had a good time last night?" Alice said; I could hear the smile in her voice.

I felt Edward's tongue on the inside of my thigh and I inhaled sharply. "Hi, what's up?" I tried lamely to push Edward's face away, not really trying.

Alice laughed. "Imagine my surprise when I knocked on your door this morning and nobody answered."

Edward nipped at my hips and I raised them involuntarily. He pushed them down; I felt his tongue dart out to taste me. I couldn't hide the small sound I made.

"So, anyway," Alice continued, apparently oblivious, "I'm calling to invite you two to lunch." I could hear street noise in the back ground.

It was like Edward had forgotten I was on the phone. I arched my back, trying in vain to move out of his reach so I could concentrate. "Uh yeah…what time?" My voice caught and I had to clamp my mouth shut; he was too good at this. He put a hand under my leg, pushing it up a few inches. I twisted the sheet in my fingers.

"Is one ok? Unless you're…busy." I had a feeling she was catching on.

"What time is it?" I said quickly.

"Eleven. So, is Pastis alright?" I heard her hailing a cab.

"Yeah."

We said goodbye and I dropped my phone on the floor. I wrapped my fingers in Edward's hair and pulled him up to eye level; he had a huge grin on his face. "So, what are we doing today?" He asked innocently.

"One, Pastis."

He pulled the sheet back over us, "plenty of time."

I had to agree.


	18. Chapter 18

Author's Note: Thank you for reading/reviewing; the things you guys write really make my day. I've started working on a homepage for my other writing; I'll put up the link on my profile once I have something useful on there.

Nice reviews are better than chocolate, unless maybe you're licking that chocolate off someone.

* * *

Eighteen

Bella didn't sleep in her hotel room for the next three days. She and I lived in blissful self imposed hermitage, only dressing enough to not embarrass ourselves when we answered the door to collect food deliveries. We left only once besides an uneventful lunch with Alice because Bella wanted to pick up a change of clothes. That week was first time I'd called in sick to work since I started at the firm. We spent most of our time camped out either in bed or on the couch half watching movies on cable; we always started them, but never seemed to finish.

By midweek, Alice was apparently getting restless; she finally called Tuesday afternoon saying she could use some help in her studio. I could tell Bella felt guilty that she had all but forgotten her friend since they'd arrived, but Alice said not to worry, and that she'd barely been around anyway. It didn't really seem to make Bella feel that much better and on impulse, she volunteered my help in addition to her own (I had called into work that Monday saying I had the flu and would be out all week so she knew I was free). Alice was characteristically enthusiastic about the extra help.

"Are you going to be the mannequin again?" I asked; the thought of watching her change in and out of clothes all day was oddly enticing.

She straddled my lap while I tried to keep my focus. "No, I think Alice has an actual model she's using now."

I moved my hands to rest on the tops of her thighs, _focus, what focus_? "That's a shame. I would have liked to see that." I started working on the buttons of the shirt of mine she'd taken to wearing, but she put her hands on mine.

"I told her we'd be at her studio in an hour."

I unfastened a button. "That's fine, we can make it," I unfastened another one. Somewhere in my mind, my more logical side was telling me there was no way we'd both get cleaned up and across town that fast, but I was stifling it.

Bella had more will power than I did. She got on her feet, the top two buttons of her shirt still undone. She smiled part way, "I'm going to shower."

"Need help?"

For a second, she actually looked like she was considering it; instead, she took a small step back. "No, I think I'll manage."

While she was showering, I curbed my temptation to join her by reintroducing myself to the world. I checked my work e-mail, gave Jasper a call, and remade the bed. Bella came out of the bathroom fully dressed, much to my dismay. She told me she was wearing an Alice approved wrap dress; I learned that this meant the dress was actually wrapped around her body and that I could untie it at the waist to take it off. I approved of this outfit as well.

We made it to Alice's studio space a little after 3 o'clock. It was about as big as a medium sized apartment and filled to exploding with clothes, fabric, and things I didn't know the names of. The walls were bare and painted white and one very large window took up most of the far side, letting in a lot of natural light. A model was standing near the center of the room, completely still as Alice draped something around her waist. Another girl was standing to the side with a camera hanging off her wrist and a notebook in her hands, next to her was a man talking with Alice. "I think the belt should be thicker and maybe a bright red, do you think? To contrast with the neutrals in your collection."

Alice nodded without turning around; Bella cleared her throat unsubtly. "You've been busier than me," Alice said, facing us with a wide grin.

Bella blushed, "Alice…"

She ignored her and stood on her toes to kiss me on the cheek. "Hi." She said brightly. "Oh! Rose wants to say hi," she skipped over to her laptop, which was set up on a small table near the window. She typed a few things in and soon Rose's, and another much smaller, face filled the screen.

Rosalie was beaming as we walked over; the only other expression I'd seen on her was mild discontent, so this was nice. "Look David, it's aunt Bella," she cooed.

Bella's expression warmed as she spoke to Rose and her son. From what Bella had told me, David looked exactly like Emmett. He had peach fuzz for hair that was coming in very dark and two perfect dimples, but had Rose's clear blue eyes. She held him close and after a few minutes, he was asleep in her arms.

I had never spent much time thinking about having children. I always knew I wanted them, but hadn't ever thought about when, how many, or if I wanted boys or girls. I suppose I always assumed things would happen in their own time. Watching Bella's eyes soften at the sight of David made me wonder; did she want kids? Did I see that in our future? And, why the hell was I thinking about this, she just got here less than a week ago. _Yeah and you slept with her on the first date. _

In my thought processes defense, nothing about our relationship was conventional.

I was brought out of my reverie by a loud, booming voice coming from the speakers of Alice's laptop. "Is that Edward?" Emmett's face blotted out Rose's completely as he brought it right up to the camera. "Hey man! I'm Rose's lesser half, Emmett," he smiled and I laughed.

"Hey, good to meet you."

"We should get a drink when we get out there; I won't grill you like the girls did. Hey, do you-," he was stopped by Rose who had pushed him out of the way. Emmett and Rose were due in New York on September 12th, Bella's original arrival date. From what Bella had said and meeting Emmett just now, it sounded like I wouldn't have much trouble making friends.

I could see Rose again, "ok, I'm going to go put him down," I heard Emmett in the background asking "me?"

The afternoon passed slowly; I became the gopher because I was useless in any other capacity. Mostly though, I had a lot of down time which is never a good thing for me; it allows me to think too much. I thought about the person that's been on the top of my list for a good long while now. What was going to happen after this trip was over? We both had lives three thousand miles apart. And the future – I was a little embarrassed that I was thinking about it so much. Bella and I shared similar values, likes, tastes; we were just the same enough to get along without it getting boring or predictable. I knew the same way I knew I was falling in love with her, that we would be good together.

We all went to dinner at a little place within walking distance of my apartment. After a promise to Alice that we would use the hotel room she paid for soon, Bella and I walked leisurely back to my place. I didn't mean to blurt it out, but it somehow managed to bypass all my filters. "Have you ever thought about having kids?"

I felt her stiffen and I mentally kicked myself; I knew it would scare her. "I don't mean like right now; I just meant…some day. We've never really talked about…that," I looked at her to gauge her reaction. She was biting her lip, but not in that great sexy way that I like, more in a nervous, pained way. "Never mind, that was a stupid question." I backpedaled, "Forget I asked."

Bella didn't speak until we were almost home. "I've thought about it," she didn't have to explain what she was talking about. Her tone implied that was all she was going to say.

She leaned into my side as we walked down the hall to my apartment; I knew something wasn't right, but I didn't want to push her into talking. I let us inside and she walked straight into the bedroom to change. I followed her and watched as she undressed quietly and slipped my shirt over her head. She rolled her shoulders, "I'm really tired tonight."

It was a little after ten o'clock. "I'll join you; I'm pretty tired too."

"You don't have to; I know it's still kind of early." She walked into the bathroom and I was right behind her.

I grabbed my toothbrush and smiled, "I want to."

Bella laid almost on top of me when we got into bed; I held her close and pressed my lips to her hair. "You can tell me anything, you know that right?" I'd known from the very beginning that she was keeping something from me, but I never felt the need to press her for answers. All I knew for sure was that it was something big and ever present, like this grey filter through which I saw her and she saw the world.

She nodded against my chest, "let's just go to sleep, ok?"

"Ok."

She curled a leg around one of mine and was asleep within minutes; I stayed awake for a long time. Sometime during the night she had a nightmare that woke us both; she sat straight up in bed and put a hand to her forehead. I pulled her back to me and held her, asking if she was alright. She told me not to worry, but that was unavoidable. I thought about her long after she fell back to sleep, wondering what could have possibly taken such a toll on her.


	19. Chapter 19

Author's Note: Thank you many times :)

Nice reviews are better than chocolate, unless maybe you're licking that chocolate off someone.

* * *

Nineteen

The next few weeks passed too quickly. Bella and I rotated from her hotel room to Alice's studio to my apartment. I had become freakishly good at helping Alice with sewing and refitting clothes, but only when it came to minor details; she wouldn't let me anywhere near her pieces unattended. But finding specific pieces of fabric or accessory, pinning, and holding things in place for her – that was all me. In between that I went to my office, to the partially completed (at least on the outside) construction site, and out to the bar with Jasper to prove that my sense of masculinity had not in fact diminished, something Jasper questioned me on when he heard about the accessory fetching.

Bella met Jasper after her first full week in New York; Alice was supposed to come with us, but had a meeting she couldn't reschedule. Bella was hoping her group and my group, or Jasper that is, would get along so she was a little disappointed Alice hadn't met him yet. I told her not to worry; at the very least he was coming to her show.

* * *

I figured out that I was completely in love with Bella on a Tuesday night. It was the second week she was here and we'd just gotten back to my apartment from picking up some Chinese food. We were sitting on the floor, our backs against the ottoman, watching Big Fish on cable. About halfway through sharing our food, she looked at me while I ate, her head tilted. I raised my eyebrows at her, my mouth too full to speak.

"How do you use those?"

"What? Chopsticks?" I looked down at my hand.

She nodded, "yeah, I always wanted to be able to, but I lack the necessary coordination or something." She scooted closer and I put an arm around her shoulders and handed her my chopsticks.

I tilted my head closer to hers until they almost touched. "Ok, put the first one between your thumb and middle finger," I tried to help her as she awkwardly repositioned it in her hand; she dropped it on accident and furrowed her eyebrows. I leaned forward to grab the second set of chopsticks, fixing the first one in my hand to show her.

"You make it look too easy," she grinned.

"You make it look too difficult," I smiled crookedly at her. "Here," I moved it in her hand until it was right. "Now take the second one –,"

"Uh oh."

I smiled, "take the second one and hold it between your thumb and forefinger," I watched as she did it and looked up at me.

"Like this?"

I nodded, "yeah, now you move that one up and down and the other one doesn't move at all." I demonstrated and she copied me, using her left hand to fix the chopsticks when they began to fall. I picked up one of the containers of beef and broccoli, "grab something." She looked entirely too focused; it was cute. She lifted her utensils out of the box, holding a piece of broccoli and smiling brightly. I laughed, "good job, love."

Bella brought it closer to my face, "here," just as I opened my mouth to take it the broccoli snapped out of the chopsticks, hitting my chin once before coming to a stop on my pajama pants. "Oh!" Bella grabbed the piece of food and a napkin. "That's going to stain; I'm sorry."

"It's ok, these are pajama pants," I took the napkin she offered and swiped it over the fabric to make her feel better; it had barely left a mark. "I still want the broccoli," I grinned and she used her fingers to pop it into my mouth. Bella was looking at me in this hopeful way like she wasn't sure I liked what I was eating. I could hear the television in the background.

"_You don't even know me."_

"_I have the rest of my life to find out."_

I knew then that I loved her; I couldn't say it was a spur of the moment thing. I knew I was starting to feel something…maybe months ago, maybe when I read her first letter, the one that wasn't even to me. But at that second, it just fit together; this was how I was supposed to feel. It's like when you finally remember the answer to a question that's been bothering you completely out of the blue.

I wanted to tell her right then, in retrospect maybe I should have. After her reaction to my question about children though, I was hesitant to spring anything else on her. So instead I pulled her closer and kissed the top of her head, keeping my mouth shut.

The faster the days passed, the more I wanted to tell her, but I started noticing something that stopped me. I already knew Bella had trouble sleeping, so I couldn't tell if this was worse or simply the norm. She would toss and have nightmares that woke her, sometimes the both of us. She talked in her sleep as well, which at first I thought was endearing, but the first time she said Mike and then later, Charlie, I started paying closer attention. I couldn't make sense of most of what she said, but I knew it had to do with whatever she was keeping from me.

I wanted her to trust me enough to tell me what had happened to her; I kept myself from asking Alice for exactly that reason. Although I doubt she would have said anything regardless.

I knew Bella didn't trust me the way I trusted her; I wasn't sure if Bella really trusted anyone entirely. She put space between us; I couldn't tell if she realized it or not. I would catch her every once in a while caught up in her own world; I'd see her staring out the window or at some insignificant object with this look on her face that I couldn't quite describe. It was like she was carrying the weight of the world for lack of a better turn of phrase. When I asked her about it, she'd say she was just zoning out.

I was becoming afraid she wasn't as happy here with me as I was with her.

But it wasn't always as melancholy as I'm making it out to be, most days she was the Bella I fell in love with – selfless and kind, brilliant and funny, gorgeous and many other adjectives that wouldn't do her justice. I could never predict what she might say; she took me by surprise and she made me laugh. Sometimes when she smiled I could see hints of light underneath whatever hurt she kept with her; I wanted to see more.

The night before Emmett and Rosalie were due to arrive, Bella was nervous. We were in bed in her hotel room; I'd tried to "distract" her, but to no avail. "Are you afraid I won't make a good impression?" I grinned at her in the dark.

"I know Emmett seemed friendly when you first talked to him, but he can be scary when he wants to be…And he's really protective of us; he's the only guy in the group."

"I'm protective of you too," I didn't know what point that had in our conversation, but I said it anyway.

"I know, but I don't need you to defend me from Emmett," I could hear the smile in her voice. She paused and then laughed, apparently at the thought of me having to defend her against her bear of a friend.

I turned so I was lying on top of her; I had a one track mind that night. I couldn't help it, Bella was barely wearing pajamas. "What? You don't think I could take him?"

She laughed again, which didn't exactly stroke my ego.

I frowned in mock offense, "that hurts, Bella."

She quieted and ran a hand through my hair. "You could take him; you're very tough." She smiled wide like she was trying not to laugh.

"Now you're just placating me," I pouted; this was kind of fun.

"I am not," she grabbed my arms, apparently for effect. "You're strong…and buff, but not in a big way."

"Are you calling me small?"

She grinned, catching the double entendre before I did. "Definitely not."

I blushed and her smile grew.

"Are you blushing?"

"No."

"Yes you are."

"How can you tell? It's not light enough in here."

"You _are_ blushing."

"Hush."

She laughed and I ran my fingers along her sides, eliciting a much louder, less controlled fit of laughter. She tilted her head back and I took the opportunity to taste the soft skin below her jaw. Her laughter cut off and became a half moan.

For the rest of the night I forgot about my worries, Bella's nervousness, and everything else. It was just us.


	20. Chapter 20

Author's Note: Thanks for reading :). Ok, so I've decided that instead of writing a chapter or two in Alice/Jasper's point of view, I'm going to write a whole one shot story for them. I realized the more I thought about it that they had way too much to say to fit it within this story. Their meeting and everything will still be here, just not their view point.

Nice reviews are better than chocolate, unless maybe you're licking that chocolate off someone.

* * *

Twenty

"Maybe you should wear jeans?" We were at Edward's apartment; I had gotten ready while he went home to shower and change and met him there. He answered the door looking a little like he was going to the office and I was afraid Emmett might have a field day with that. Don't get me wrong - he looked good, really good…distractingly good, but a little too formal to meet my friends. He was standing at his closet, which was bigger than mine, in just his slacks. He pulled out his favorite dark pair of jeans and a black t-shirt and looked at me.

"That works." I really had no idea how to help him pick out clothes, but I knew how good he looked in that particular outfit and I wanted to see him in it again. Edward unbuckled his pants and let them slip down; I sat on the bed to keep from pouncing on him. He stepped out of the slacks and picked them up to re-hang them while I stared blatantly.

"You know," he said, facing his closet, "I know when you're checking me out." I could tell he was grinning.

"You're nice to…check out." I managed, the pink showing on my cheeks.

He glanced over his shoulder and did the lopsided smile he did so well; I knew he could see my blush before he turned back around. He pulled his jeans on, but left them unfastened. He moved to stand between my legs as I stared. "I'm not just a piece of meat."

I shook my head.

He ran his fingertips down my bare arms; his eyes looked heavy lidded. "I have feelings too," I could see the corners of his mouth beginning to turn up; he knew he had won whatever little sexual game he'd invented.

I nodded.

I felt him touch my leg, grazing his fingertips from the top of my thigh to my knee. He played with the material at the hem of my dress, "you look beautiful today."

I had on another Alice approved outfit, actually an Alice designed outfit. Now that Fashion Week was officially starting, she demanded I wear her things when I was out of doors. It was a plum colored halter dress I'd had for a while, but I liked it. She was also beginning to design for men and had given Edward a black jacket that he'd taken to wearing everywhere.

"You don't look half bad yourself." My cell phone rang just as I was reaching up to pull Edward's face to my level. "Hi Alice," I said without looking at the caller ID.

Edward mumbled, "that's why I don't have a cell phone." He finished getting dressed much to my displeasure.

"Hi, we're almost there, we'll wait out front." She hung up without waiting for a response. As her show got closer and closer, Alice's energy level was rising; she practically vibrated now.

"She'll be out front," I said to Edward, who was slipping his shoes on and grabbing his new jacket at the same time. It wasn't really cold enough to need one, but it was light weight and he knew it would please Alice.

"Ok," he said, walking into the bathroom. I watched him finish getting ready and then look at himself in the mirror. He ran a hand through his still damp hair, but it still stuck out in random directions. I saw him shrug before he walked back into the bedroom. "Ready."

I don't think I could ever look as effortlessly good as he did.

When we got to the lobby of Edward's building I saw Alice leaning against the door of a limousine next to the driver; she was talking animatedly about something. The driver was laughing. She smiled in our direction as we walked outside. "Hi! This is Jimmy, his middle name is Stewart, isn't that cool? He's our driver for today!"

We made introductions as Jimmy opened the door; Edward and I sat on the first bench seat while Alice sat on the longest bench, tucking her feet underneath herself. She talked with almost no interruption for the entire drive.

By the time we got to the airport, my heart was beating too fast. I knew realistically I had nothing to worry about, but plain logic wasn't doing it for me apparently. Edward looked as calm as ever. Alice wanted to walk inside to meet them at baggage claim. As we waited, she recounted her conversation that morning with Emmett and Rose. "He threatened to pick her up caveman style and carry out the door so she may be a little moody today."

"A little moody?"

"Well, you know, more so than normal."

Edward chuckled quietly.

We saw Emmett before Rose; he stood a head taller than most of the people around him and he had a huge grin on his face. He held Rose's hand, dragging her toward us. When I last saw her, she was wearing billowy tops and dark colors in an attempt to hide her post baby weight. Seeing her now, my eyes widened. She had on a pretty white dress with a red patent leather belt cinched around her waist, which looked absolutely tiny. Her hair curled perfectly around her face in a way I've never seen on someone after a five hour plane ride. She slipped her sunglasses off when she saw us and waved.

"Hi!" Emmett called out, threading his way through the crowd. He grabbed Alice and me up together in a big hug. She hugged back and I just tried not to fall down.

Rose pushed past him to say hello. She smiled, "I've missed you two," she said, hugging first me and then Alice.

"You look fantastic!" Alice held her at arm's length, looking her up and down. I nodded in agreement.

"Thanks, its yoga and five pounds of underwear."

Emmett slipped an arm around her and kissed the side of her head, "no, it's just you."

"Oh!" I almost forgot that Edward was still standing quietly, just slightly behind me. I moved next to him, "Emmett, Rose, this is Edward."

They both deliberately looked him up and down with matching skeptical expressions; Emmett stepped forward first. The whole baggage claim area seemed to quiet down as he assessed him, arms crossed. I wondered if he'd purposely worn a t-shirt that would make him look bigger.

Edward reached his hand out, it hung in midair a moment before Emmett's expression changed, his perpetual grin back in place. I breathed a small sigh of relief. "Good to finally meet you!" Emmett shook his hand vigorously and then took a small step closer, his voice lowering an octave, "and if you hurt Bella, I'll kill you. Sorry, had to say it."

Edward nodded, "I understand. Good to meet you too."

Rose shook his hand without threatening him.

Emmett and Edward carried the bags, insisting to Jimmy on loading them into the back of the limousine as well. Emmett got a kick out of Jimmy's name, who for his part, was pleasant though I'm sure he'd heard all the jokes before. I made a mental note to increase his tip. We all trooped back to the hotel to relax; Rose wanted to take a cat nap. We agreed to meet in the lobby that evening for dinner.

Edward stretched out on my bed and turned on the television, patting the space next to him. I kicked off my shoes and climbed in, enjoying his warmth. He curved an arm around me; I felt him idly petting my hair.

I'm not sure what we were watching; Ingrid Bergman was in it, but that's not the important part. At some point during the movie, Edward changed positions so he was laying partially over me; his head resting on my chest, an arm around me. He had just fallen asleep. _I love you_. The thought came to me without provocation. He hadn't said it to me, I hadn't consciously thought about it, nothing about the day was that unusual – I just knew I loved him, was in love with him, I mean. I ran my fingers from his temple into his messy hair, trying to figure out how long I'd felt this way. On TV, Ingrid was crying. I couldn't tell if I knew I was falling in love with him all this time, or if it really had just suddenly hit me.

Edward made a small sighing sound.

The thought of being in love brought up other feelings that I'd rather not have – that I didn't deserve it, that it wasn't fair, and that Edward should be with someone with less baggage. I pushed it down and aside; I would have enough time to wallow when I got home, which was only a week away. I fixed a pillow behind my head to rest.

After not enough time, the phone was ringing; I felt around, but couldn't reach it with Edward still wrapped around me. _If it's important they'll call back_. I opened my eyes and noticed it had gotten dark and that I'd forgotten one important detail about that night – dinner with my best friends. I slid away from Edward, who was just waking up and grabbed the phone. "Hello?" My voice sounded rough.

"Wakey wakey, Bella," it was Alice.

"Huh?"

"It's time for dinner; can you be ready in ten?"

"Uh-,"

"Excellent, I'll knock on your door when I'm ready to head down."

Edward had turned on a lamp and was standing, stretching his arms over his head; I could see a tiny slice of hip when he did that. "Are we late?"

"No, Alice is going to knock in ten minutes."

He rolled his neck from side to side and walked into the bathroom. I grabbed a brush out of my bag and ran it quickly through my hair, which was messy enough to rival Edward's. I put a touch of make-up on to make myself look more awake and then traded places with Edward in the bathroom. I heard him answer Alice's knock; when I opened the bathroom door she was holding a pair of shoes out for me.

Down in the lobby, Rose and Emmett were waiting. Rose had changed into a little black dress that showed off her legs; Emmett was still in his jeans from earlier. "Finally, I'm starving!"

Edward smiled, holding my cell phone to his ear. He left a voicemail with Jasper, telling him where we were going and that he was welcome to come.

"Who's Jasper?" Rose asked as we made our way outside to hail a couple of cabs.

"He's a friend of mine from college, we work together now. We've been trying to get him to meet up with us, but he's never free."

"Is he single?" I saw Alice shoot Rose a threatening look.

Edward grinned, "yeah, but he doesn't really date."

Rose made a quick "hmm" sound, but didn't say anything.

We went to a little hot spot that Alice insisted we try; it was the place she went to the first night we were in New York. Emmett was a little disappointed that they served such small portions so he ordered a second dinner, plus dessert which he proclaimed the best thing he'd ever eaten. Edward and Emmett took quite a liking to each other and before dinner was over were cracking jokes at each other's expense like a couple of frat boys. Emmett seemed to especially appreciate a second male in our group.

After dinner we walked down the street for drinks and the boys almost got into a fight with a couple of over eager patrons.

While they were at the bar getting drinks, Rose, Alice, and I found a table. The whole place had a modern feel to it; everything was lucite, silver, or black and loud music was pumping through the speakers. The table was tall enough that Emmett and Edward could stand at it without having to lean down to talk to us.

"Those guys are staring," Rose said, flicking her hair over her right shoulder. Alice took an appraising glance in their direction.

"No, thanks," she muttered, making a face.

I looked for Edward and Emmett; they were still waiting at the bar.

The two men Rose mentioned got up and strode over, looking a little cocky. They wore dark suits and had too much gel in their hair. Rose groaned blatantly.

"Hello, ladies," the blonde one gave a little nod; the brunette took a step forward, standing closest to me.

"It looks like you three could use a drink," he said, looking at me pointedly.

Rose looked at him, a bored expression on her face. "My husband is bringing drinks," she waved her hand indifferently; I couldn't tell if she was showing him her ring or sending them away.

"And what about you?" The one closest to me asked, "I don't see a ring on your finger."

"She's here with someone and so am I," Alice said.

"I don't see them anywhere."

The blonde looked at Rose, "I don't see your husband around either."

"You two are certainly equal opportunists," Alice said dryly.

The blonde zeroed in on her, "we just know what we like."

Alice scoffed, "I'll pass."

The brunette's tone was soft, which made me even more nervous. "Are you going to play hard to get too?" He stroked the back of two fingers down my bare arm.

A large hand came between us and grabbed the guy's upper arm, hauling him out of the way. Edward stood several inches taller; I realized I had never seen him angry before. His jaw was tight, his eyes dark. "Is there a problem here?"

Emmett stood in the blonde guy's space, his large arms crossed in front of him.

For a split second, the men looked nervous, but recovered quickly. "Just making conversation," the blonde grinned crookedly.

Emmett leaned closer, at least a head taller than the other guy. "With my wife?"

He raised his hands up, "I didn't know she was really married."

Rose snorted.

The brunette looked between Edward and Emmett, "look, we were just talking, so why don't you back off." He was either stupid or had a death wish.

I could see Edward stiffen; he was ready for a fight, but his eyes flickered over to mine for a brief second and I shook my head almost imperceptibly. He didn't have to fight and maybe get hurt over me, especially not with this jackass. Edward moved around him, putting himself between me and the guy. I reached out to touch his sleeve, "let's just go, ok?"

He turned around and his face softened; he nodded once to me and then gestured toward the door to Emmett.

As we were walking out, I heard one of them call out, "have a nice night, ladies."

"Can I just hit one of them?" Emmett asked Rose, his expression pleading.

"I have dibs on the dark haired guy," Edward muttered.

She sighed, "I don't think that'd be a good idea; guys like that would probably press charges."

Emmett shrugged.

"That's alright, I'd be in jail with you," Edward said, a small grin forming; he slung an arm over my shoulders once we were on the sidewalk. He held his other arm out for Alice who took it and smiled.

"Our heroes," she beamed up at them dramatically. "What ever happened to our drinks, by the way? I was all set for some Grey Goose."

"Well, it was either wait for your drinks or get those guys off you, did we make the wrong decision?" Emmett draped an arm around Rose's waist as we walked.

"You couldn't do both?"

Edward piped in, "remember the last time you and Bella drank together?" He grinned at her teasingly.

"Shut it, you, we were celebrating."

"What?" Rose asked. Alice and I hadn't ever mentioned that night.

"Nothing," I said, the blood rushing toward my face.

"Remember your e-mail?" Edward continued despite my glare.

Alice laughed, "I missed you a _whole lot_! _Please_ forgive me!"

He laughed before giving me a kiss on the temple. "I'm sorry, love, but it was pretty funny."

I made a disgruntled sound, "I never wrote that."

He quieted down, "I still have the e-mail if you want to see it," he mumbled into my hair.

I elbowed him and he held me tighter.

Jasper called back after Edward and I were back at his apartment. We let him know Alice's show was Tuesday at six o'clock, where it was, that his seat was reserved and his name was already on the guest list.

We got in to bed later that night and Edward pulled me on top of him. "I hope Jasper gets along with Alice and everyone," I said, enjoying the way his hands felt on my back.

He flipped us so I was underneath him, "let's not think about that right now."

His grin practically glowed in the dark.


	21. Chapter 21

Author's Note: Thank you very many times. So, I wasn't expecting to, but I wrote all day and finished this chapter. As far as the fashion show stuff, it's all accurate (with possibly one creative liberty) and the model I mention is real.

P.S. I forget who it was, but whoever mentioned the licking chocolate off Edward thing in their review, thank you; that gave me a delicious visual.

Nice reviews are better than chocolate, unless maybe you're licking that chocolate off someone.

* * *

Twenty One

"Fuck! Fuck! _Fuck!"_

"Alice!" My quick lean away from her was reflexive; she didn't usually curse that much. She stood up from where the five of us plus the stylist were sitting on the floor of her studio, having an all-nighter before her show the next day, and ran over to a rack of clothing pushed up against the wall. "What's wrong?"

She pulled the offensive piece of clothing off the hanger. "I asked for a simple double herringbone stitch; I'm going to have to rip this out now and do it over my-freaking-_self!_" Suffice to say, Alice was a little worked up about her show. She went over to a little table and grabbed a large hat box of supplies she took with her everywhere.

Her stylist, an absolute godsend, jumped up and took the box, setting it back on the table. He took her hands, "Alice Angel," he'd taken to calling her that when they first met; he made it sound like one word. "Let me fix it, ok? Go sit down with Bella and finish what you two were working on." His voice reminded me of silk and I could see her shoulders relax at the sound. "Should I order some food?" He asked a little louder.

"No," she replied quickly, "not around the clothes."

I was a little hungry, but didn't say anything. Edward was double checking the seating chart and guest list on Alice's laptop; her producer was technically in charge of that, but Alice wanted to be doubly sure. He put an arm over my shoulders and used his other hand to rub his face. It was a little after two o'clock and we were all exhausted.

Alice plopped herself back down next to me and rested her head on my shoulder a moment. "We can finish this up if you want to go to sleep." I murmured. Emmett and Rose were putting together the things for her "swag bags" and Alice and I were wrapping them – another task relieved from the producer. There were white gift bags and hot pink tissue paper everywhere.

"Yeah, we've got it covered," Emmett said, holding a tiny tub of some sort of cream that Alice told me was $130 an ounce.

She stretched her back, "no, that's ok. Sorry, guys."

Rose was looking at a thin digital camera, she nudged Emmett, "we should buy one of these."

"You all can take whatever you want," Alice said, not looking up from her gift bag. "Just make sure the bags have one of everything first."

"Really?" Emmett was still holding the cream; he looked like he wanted to put it in his pocket.

I snorted a laugh and Edward put his lips to my hair; I could feel his grin as he hid his face.

"What?" Emmett asked defensively. "I'm not getting any younger."

Alice looked intently at the bag she was putting together, trying and failing to hold back a smile.

"I own a gym franchise," he continued. "I have to look good."

I pressed my lips together; across the room, I could see the stylist's shoulders bouncing.

"You guys suck," he set the tub down.

Rose leaned against him, she spoke quietly, "it's ok, honey; you can take anything…and you already look good." She kissed his cheek.

"Thanks, baby," he kissed her back.

We spent the rest of the night gently ribbing each other and working to get everything ready in time. Rose and I spent a long time hand steaming all of the outfits and putting them in marked garment bags before we all finally called it a night. Alice thanked us all profusely and told us to get some sleep before handing each of us something to wear for the show. She handed Edward an extra thick garment bag.

"The military jacket is for Jasper; he's about the same size as you, right?"

Edward grinned, "leave it to you to dress someone you've never met."

Alice shrugged.

It was barely dawn by the time Edward and I got to my hotel room. We pulled off our clothes and fell into bed; I curved a leg around one of Edward's, but that's all I had the energy for. He slipped an arm around my bare middle and kissed the top of my head. I could feel myself sliding into sleep when Edward's voice startled me. "Was Alice coming back to the hotel to sleep?" He sounded concerned despite how tired he was.

My voice was quiet and heavy with sleep, "yeah, she wanted to wait for Angela to get there first though; her and Marc were going to run everything to the park this morning." Marc was the stylist.

He made a quiet sound in his throat and nodded, his eyes slipping shut.

We woke up a little after noon and ordered room service. Alice asked us all to get their about thirty minutes early so once we were done, we lounged around, enjoying the calm before the storm.

The phone rang around three o'clock; I answered. "Hey, you up yet?" Emmett sounded enthusiastically awake.

"Yeah, I was just about to take a shower."

"Rose wants to help you get ready, so we'll be over there in five, ok?"

Alice had scared me a little bit the night before when she told us we were walking the red carpet; I didn't understand why we had to. "You have to be seen, or at least, my clothes do," she said by way of explanation. I was grateful Rose wanted to help. I told Edward they were coming and then jumped in the shower.

I could hear Emmett before I even turned the water off; he was recounting some embarrassing story about me to Edward. I put on my favorite lotion, brushed my teeth, and slipped on the hotel robe before opening the door. Rose was sitting on the bed with the guys reading a magazine; she was wearing nothing but a very short silk robe. Emmett had on jersey shorts and a white tank top. "Did you get in the elevator like that?" I asked.

"Yeah," Rose said indifferently, standing up and grabbing a little toiletry bag. "I need to shower still."

"Me too," Emmett got up with her and headed for the bathroom.

"Please don't have sex in there," I said dryly.

Edward chuckled and changed the channel on the television.

I took Rose's spot on the bed and ran a brush through my dry hair; she told me not to wash it so she could put it up. Edward sidled up to me and played with the fabric of my robe. "You know, we've never had sex in the shower."

I grinned, but didn't say anything.

They were out about twenty minutes later; Emmett was wearing the second robe from the bathroom. Rose stood in the doorway, "I'm going to put my make-up on, then you, ok?" She walked back in without waiting for me to answer.

Rose did my make-up in the main room so Edward could shower. It was different than when Alice did it; my eyes were done up with dark shadow, not gothic dark, just darker than normal. My lips were pale and glossy and my cheekbones looked very high. "You have perfect eyebrows," she said when she was almost finished. She ran her hands through my hair a few times, pulling it back from my face; she made a "hmm" sound and got to work.

She didn't let me see until she was finished. My hair was up off my neck; it was pinned in the back and messy in that perfect way I could never accomplish in the front. "Wow, Rose…thank you," I didn't know what else to say.

"It's all you," she grinned and then got to work on herself.

Rose looked stunning. She had on a tight black tube dress that went to the bottom of her knees and black patent heels that had to make her at least six feet tall – I'm not kidding. Her hair was done in a simple, loose bun at the nape of her neck; she wore no jewelry. Emmett had on a dark brown leather jacket that he announced he loved; Edward wore black from head to toe; he looked sexy. I was in a sleeveless dark grey georgette dress with a deep V in the front and the back. I wore a very long dove grey pearl necklace and black heels that rivaled Rose's.

There was a knock on the door and we all looked to each other as if one of us would be missing. "Oh," Edward said, moving to the door. "It's Jasper."

We made introductions all around before Edward handed him his jacket. He was already wearing deep charcoal and the jacket suited him perfectly. Jasper seemed amused by Alice's forwardness. We were about to go downstairs to hail cabs when the phone rang; I answered.

"Your limo is waiting outside."

"Oh…" I trailed off. I should have known Alice wouldn't let us show up in a taxi.

We were on the receiving end of many looks as we went through the lobby; I tried not to pay attention, focusing instead on staying upright. Emmett was very excited to see our driver for the night was none other than Jimmy. "Jimmy Stewart!"

Jasper looked at us in question, but we just shrugged.

Bryant Park was an absolute madhouse; I had never seen so many beautiful people in one place in my life. It made me a little nervous. Edward kissed my temple, "you look so gorgeous," he murmured as if reading my mind. Jimmy stopped near the red carpet and opened our door, holding his hand out for me and Rose. The camera flashes were blinding; why the hell were they taking our picture?

Rose leaned toward me and whispered, "they think we're part of the industry."

I hadn't realized I'd spoken the question aloud.

"Hey, ladies!" A man with a camera shouted at our group. "Let me get a picture, just you two," he motioned at me and Rose.

I looked at her, eyes wide. "C'mon," she took my hand and pulled me away from the guys.

"Oh my God," I said, hopefully under my breath. I stood there dumbly and let them take our picture.

"Can we get a smile?" One said to me; Rose nudged my side and I smiled automatically.

The photographer nodded, "thanks!"

I practically ran back to Edward.

At the entrance, Angela and another girl were holding clipboards; Angela waved us over eagerly. "Hi, you guys!" She reached for something hanging from her belt loop. "Here, this will get you backstage," she handed us passes and said our names to the other girl. "Have fun!"

Inside, people were talking in hushed voices. "We're in the front row?" I asked. I was under the impression it was reserved for the fashion elite. Even Rose looked surprised as we took our seats. Her phone vibrated a minute later and she answered it discreetly.

"Alice wants us to go back there." We stood up and hurried backstage.

Everyone working the show had on black t-shirts with the name "alice" on the front. There were models in various states of undress, people shouting, running, and using hair spray like their lives depended on it. Small bottles of champagne were being passed from hand to hand, models drinking out of them with straws. "I swear to God, if _any_ of that spills on the clothes, I'll have your _heads_!" For such a small person, Alice had a very loud voice. Her tone changed when she saw us, "hi you guys!" Despite the chaos, she looked completely in her element. "You look great!"

We said hello, wishing her luck, and giving her hugs before going back to our seats. The five of us talked idly amongst ourselves, waiting for the show to start. Our energy level rose as the minutes passed.

At exactly six o'clock, the audience lights dimmed and the catwalk brightened. The sounds of a Joan Jett song I recognized began pumping through hidden speakers. The first model came out; Alice let us know the night before that getting her had been a real coup. Apparently, she was famous in the fashion world. She was gorgeous, feminine and a little androgynous at the same time; she strode out with an attitude like she might beat you up. Alice's clothes looked fantastic; I know that probably doesn't mean much coming from me, but they did. The materials were light, but then were topped off with something edgy like a leather jacket or motorcycle boots.

I knew I'd been involved since the beginning and I knew what everything looked like, hell, I'd worn most of it. But at that moment, I'd never been so proud of Alice in my life; I had to hold back the tears that wanted to slide down my face.

At the end of the show, all the models walked out in a line once more. After they exited, Alice stepped out with the blonde model from the start of the show. She had changed her clothes some time during everything and now wore black leather pants and massively high heels that still made her over a head shorter than her model. Emmett stood up and cheered; we all followed suit, fashion protocol be damned. Even Jasper stood. Alice strutted about half way up the runway until she was right in front of us and winked in our direction before turning back. My eyes watered again and I cheered louder.

Edward nudged me and I looked at him; his gaze flickered over to where Jasper stood open mouthed, still staring intently at Alice's retreating form. I saw him mouth something too low for me to hear. Edward grinned at me, "I think he liked it."

I think he did too.


	22. Chapter 22

Author's Note: I'm soaking up your guys' awesomeness. So, for those of you who are interested I have officially begun writing the sequel to Tinsel Town; I'll put up a little preview of it on my homepage (which is not yet linked on my profile, I'll let you know when I do that) when I get closer to finishing this story. Also, this is of absolutely no importance, but I'm giving all the chapters for the sequel actual names (coming up with them amuse the hell out of me).

Nice reviews are better than chocolate, unless maybe you're licking that chocolate off someone.

* * *

Twenty Two

I had known Jasper for almost ten years and I'd never once seen him act like this, even with Maria. With her, it was always work; it was always Jasper not quite living up to her expectations, no matter how he tried to lie to me about his happiness.

Now, as we started getting ready to leave, Jasper had that glazed over afterglow look on his face; an expression I knew I'd been sporting for the last few weeks. He looked at me and composed himself, "that was Alice?" He cleared his throat.

I grinned, "yeah, you should have made the time to meet her sooner. She's a cool girl."

He looked obviously regretful, "yeah."

"Alice just sent me a text message, she says she has some things to do right now and that we should go to dinner without her…She says she'll meet us for an after party she wants to go to tonight." Rose sent Alice a message and put her phone back in her little handbag. We all filed out slowly, making our way through the hoard of socializing and name dropping. Bella was complimented on her dress by a journalist, which we all took as a good sign. Reviews for the show would be coming out now.

I hope this doesn't undermine my edge, but I thought it was fun. The energy was high, everything went smoothly, and Alice looked ecstatic at the end.

"What time is Alice meeting up with us?" Jasper feigned a light indifference in his question, but I knew better.

Rose answered, "she has some interviews to do, she needs to get the clothes and everything back in order, and she'll probably want to clean up – so maybe not for a while. She'll call us when she's ready; we can send the driver for her."

I heard Emmett chuckle to himself at the back of the group, "Jimmy Stewart." He was very easily amused.

They had me choose the restaurant and I picked one that was out of the way enough not to be packed, but still on trend as far as I knew. Jasper knew the hostess and got us a table right away which impressed Rose. I could tell he was rushing through dinner like it would somehow make Alice get there faster; I smirked when he caught my eye and he gave me a definite _fuck you_ glare. He pulled up the cuff of his sleeve no less than eleven times, I counted, to check his watch, but never went so far as to ask where Alice might be. I would have laughed out loud if I wasn't a little afraid he'd bite my head off. By the time dinner was over I thought the poor man was going to pass out.

We walked out into the still warm night air to find our limousine idling at the curb, which was odd because no one had remembered to call Jimmy until we were already outside. He got out when he saw us and opened the back door; I could hear Alice's voice from inside. "Hi! Have some champagne!" She poked her head out and smiled widely.

I glanced over to Jasper, trying to hide my grin.

"Don't even start," was all he said. He reluctantly let Bella and Rose in first before jumping ahead of Emmett in line, a risky move I'd venture.

I got in last, pleased to see that Bella had saved a space for me right next to her. She was on the long bench on one side of Alice (who was still wearing those leather pants, I could practically see Jasper salivating), Rose was on the other. Jasper and Emmett were sitting together on the shorter bench and I stifled a laugh. Alice poured everyone a glass of champagne as we congratulated her on a perfect show. It wasn't until then that she even noticed Jasper in the limo; she leaned forward a little to catch his eye, which wasn't hard to do. "Hi," she said, handing him a glass. "I don't believe we've met," she smiled in this way I hadn't seen her do before. "I'm Alice."

Jasper lifted half his mouth in a grin, "I'm Jasper, it's nice to finally meet you." He brushed his fingers on hers as he took the glass in a way I knew wasn't accidental.

I chanced a look at Bella who was trying to force down the huge smile that wanted to spread across her face. I pressed my face to her hair because I couldn't force down my own grin.

We went to a nightclub that had been transformed into a space for one of the many after parties going on that night. With Alice leading the way, we were let right in; we made our way across the room toward the bar. I made a quick mental note to pay attention to Bella's alcohol intake. Alice ordered drinks for all of us; I wasn't sure how she knew what I liked, but I didn't ask. When she got to Jasper, she turned around to look for him and he perked up visibly. He's a pretty soft spoken guy so he had to lean down close to her ear to tell her what he wanted.

I nudged Bella, "what do you want to bet he said 'you'."

She blushed and elbowed me playfully. I took perverse enjoyment out of making her blush, not in the angry way, but in the way that reminded me of how innocent she was.

Who was I kidding; I had it worse than Jasper.

We went to sit at one of the several loose U-shaped striped booth style seats scattered randomly around the club when I noticed Jasper scoring a seat next to Alice. _Good for you, man_. Before he could actually speak to her, another man infiltrated our group. He was tan and had curly dark hair and was wearing what looked like a very expensive suit. "Alice Brandon!" He took her hand and pulled her up before she even registered he was there. Jasper was not pleased in the slightest and I watched him fighting the urge to stand up with her. I could only make out parts of their conversation, but it sounded like he was complimenting her on a successful show. Alice smiled and giggled, obviously enjoying the flattery. After a minute he kissed her on both cheeks and said goodbye.

She sat back down with a huge smile on her face and leaned forward toward Bella and Rose. "Oh my God," was all she could manage before having a high pitched fit of giggles; Bella looked confused, Rose looked excited. Jasper looked annoyed. "That was Zac _freaking_ Posen!" She squealed. "_Zac Posen_ _came to my show! _ Zac Posen _liked _my show_!" _

I had no idea who that was, but it was giving Alice a heart attack.

Her and Rose talked animatedly about that while I tried to give Jasper subtle encouragement. Emmett moved to sit on Rose's other side, next to me. "Hey," he said quietly, well, quietly for him. "Does your friend have a thing for Alice?"

Bella stiffened next to me and squeezed my hand; neither of us were in the mood for "Papa Bear" to make an appearance. I shrugged, "I don't know, I don't think so."

He nodded, eyeing Jasper warily before getting up to get another drink.

Jasper leaned closer, "should I be afraid of that guy?"

I huffed a quick laugh, "who, Emmett? Naw."

The six of us talked for a while and while I would never normally put this much effort into it, I did try unsuccessfully to get Jasper and Alice talking, but Alice was far too excited to focus on a conversation with just one person. After a while I gave up and dragged Bella out onto the dance floor; I knew she didn't want to, but I didn't care. I wanted to dance with my girl. A slower and admittedly pretty sexy song came on and I used it as an excuse to pull her tighter. She wrapped her arms around my neck; I felt her relaxing so I pressed a kiss onto her shoulder. I had to stop myself from telling her I was in love with her right then and there, figuring a crowded dance floor might not be the best place.

Once the song changed to something a little faster, I grabbed her hips and pressed them against mine. Bella grinned, knowing exactly what I had in mind. After a minute or so of dancing and getting pretty damn turned on she looked away from me to something over my shoulder. I loosened my grip on her and looked behind me to what she was staring at. It was Jasper and Alice, standing at the bar together, alone. Bella and I shared a look before turning our attention back to them. Jasper's back was to me, but whatever he was saying to Alice was making her smile. She took a little step closer and reached out, running her hand along his arm which was still covered in the jacket she made him. When she got to the hem, he grabbed her hand before she could let go and pulled her even closer, which she seemed to enjoy.

Bella took my arm, "I feel like a voyeur now."

I led her away from the floor back to where Emmett and Rose had struck up a conversation with someone I vaguely recognized as an actor. We joined in, but after having Bella dancing practically on me the way she was, my effort in the socializing was half hearted. When we'd talked for what I thought was enough time, I excused us, saying we'd take a taxi so they could have use of the limo.

It was a lot like the first time, kissing and panting and undoing the top of my collar in the elevator, stumbling down the hall to my apartment. I dropped my keys too, but only because I was a little more inebriated than I'd originally thought. Bella giggled at me as I let us inside so I pushed her up against the door and slid a hand up her dress to the waistband of her underwear, tugging them down with more force than I ever use. She gasped and I stopped to look at her; she looked way too sexy for her own good. I grabbed her hips and lifted, her back still pressed against the door; she wrapped her legs around me at the same time. Everything about it was urgent and intense, both of us painfully aware that our time was coming to a close. I didn't want to be farther than arm's reach from her, especially now.

I used my teeth on the soft skin where her neck met her shoulder; I knew it would leave a mark, which gave me a strange kind of satisfaction in the moment.

She pulled my face so it was level with hers, "bedroom," she breathed.

"Screw the bedroom."

* * *


	23. Chapter 23

Author's Note: I'm hopelessly grateful :) I have a second part to this note at the end of the chapter.

Nice reviews are better than chocolate, unless maybe you're licking that chocolate off someone.

* * *

Twenty Three

When I opened my eyes the next morning, I was face to face (or actually face to carton) with a reminder of the night before. There was a small spot of melted ice cream on Edward's nightstand, but the spoon was nowhere in sight. _Chocolate. _The memory sent a pleasurable shiver down my spine. I turned over to see Edward, but he was still sound asleep. As carefully as I could manage, I got up and searched around for a shirt, but came up empty. I pulled open his closet and grabbed the first thing I saw that didn't look like something he'd need for work and slipped it over my head. It was his Yale sweatshirt; it was a deep blue and went down to mid-thigh. I had to push the sleeves up to free my hands.

My stomach felt empty in that same way it did the morning of my first ever hangover, but I didn't have the headache or nausea along for the ride. I took one last longing look at the bed. _Chocolate ice cream covered parts of Edward_. I would have felt a little silly about it if it hadn't been me on the giving and receiving end.

I had never seen him even remotely intoxicated before; it set his libido into overdrive. I had no problem with this.

The front door and remnants of clothing were visible as I got to the end of the hall and I began wondering why I got out of bed in the first place before my stomach growled noisily. I pulled out the ingredients for omelets and got to work. Sometime during the process, Edward woke up and something in the vicinity started vibrating. He laughed and kissed my shoulder, "it's not me."

"Oh, my phone," I looked around for my purse. Edward found it and handed it to me; I pulled out my cell. "Alice sent me a text message…actually…several." I felt the worry first and then the guilt and then confusion. If she was in trouble wouldn't she actually call? Did she try Emmett and Rose? Wasn't Jasper with her? We didn't leave her all alone, did we? And then it was mostly guilt. _Snap out of it and read her messages_. I opened the first one.

_Why didn't I meet Jasper sooner?! He's perfect! _

I grinned_, so far so good._

_Return my damn texts! Or are you a little…preoccupied? _

And then:

_You guys can use the limo. Jasper and I are taking a taxi. Don't wait up._

I let Edward read them. "Should I call her?"

He had a big grin on his face, "no, leave them be for now." He kissed my forehead and then got to work picking up our shed clothing from the entryway; while kneeling, he picked up something and looked at it, furrowing his eyebrows.

"What is it?" I scooped the omelets onto a couple of plates.

He cleared his throat, "I…tore your underwear last night." He seemed bothered. I wasn't, last night was the most erotic experience of my life.

"That's ok, I have more," I shrugged.

Edward stood up quickly, dropping the clothes before striding over to me. He touched his fingers to my neck as if he were examining me, when he pulled at the collar of the sweatshirt I knew what he was looking for. I saw his expression change when he saw it, the little mark where he'd bitten me. I had no idea what it looked like, but I knew I bruised easily so it probably looked worse than it was; I couldn't even feel it. His voice sounded very small, "I hurt you…Was I too…?" He trailed off and let go of me.

I took his face between my hands to make him look at me though I didn't know what I was going to say. "Last night was…incredible. You didn't hurt me," he looked doubtful. "Trust me, in the middle of all of that you could have been a lot rougher and I would have still loved it," I tried not to blush. "I liked your…voraciousness."

The corners of his mouth started to turn up and I saw the hint of a blush spreading across his cheeks. He grabbed my waist and put his face to my neck, trailing kisses to the bruise; I knew he was also hiding his crimson face. "Are you sure?"

I nodded and he pulled his face back to look at me. "You know," he added, "you look really good in my clothes." He did my favorite lopsided grin and then I was the one fighting back a blush.

"Sorry, I couldn't find,-"

He cut me off with a quick kiss, "keep it."

_Like, for the rest of the trip? Or forever?_

"Take it back with you," he said.

I was equal parts excited and depressed by that statement. There was some part of me, growing louder by the day, hoping he'd ask me to stay in New York. Another part was terrified by the possibility. And the big dark mass that overshadowed everything kept telling me I would find some way to screw everything up no matter what he asked or didn't ask me to do.

We got ready once we finished eating; I was a little anxious to see if Alice was back in her hotel room. I put Edward's sweatshirt back on over a pair of jeans and grabbed my clothes from the night before.

I debated going straight over to Alice's door, but Edward told me to relax so I went into my own room to pack the dress and sweatshirt. I had this irrational fear I'd spill something on it that would never come out making him regret he'd given it to me. I put on another Alice top and then waltzed next door to check on her. I meant to knock like a regular human being, but instead it was a series of hyper raps on her door. I paused for a second and was just about to knock again when the door opened.

It was Jasper – with nothing on save a towel wrapped dangerously low on his hips. I opened my mouth part way and tried to laser my focus to his face. He leaned casually on the partially opened door, "hey Bella." I knew he could see me blushing; I could guide planes onto a runway with this glow.

I was about to run back to my room when I heard giggling in the background. Alice called out from somewhere in the room, "if he promises to put some clothes on will you come inside?"

I opened my mouth and tried to think of the appropriate answer to that question when Jasper opened the door the rest of the way and stepped aside. I avoided glancing at him as I walked toward the desk which Alice had refashioned into a vanity. I heard the click of the bathroom door behind me and I relaxed minutely. Alice grinned widely as she applied mascara to her already long lashes. I waited for an explanation that didn't appear to be coming.

"Alice! I'm dying here," I said, exasperated. I leaned on the desk, holding a tiny tub of some sort of product in my hands.

"Well, Jasper and I discovered that we…get along quite well," she switched her application to the other eye.

I never do this, but I was feeling too curious for my own good. "You've got to give me more than that," I stage whispered, "you just met him yesterday!"

"You had sex with Edward on the first date." She said at normal volume.

I cringed, quickly checking to see that the bathroom door was still shut. I sighed, "ok, so…what happened?"

She shrugged, but I could see that look in her eye she got when she was really happy about something. "We just…clicked. We started talking and he's – he's charming and completely brilliant, and there's just something about him. It's hard to explain; he made me feel relaxed, I guess. But that's not really right either. And the way he looks at me, Bella – you have _no_ idea." She grinned at her reflection.

I knew exactly what she was talking about though; it was the same way Edward looked at me.

We decided to have a late lunch once they were ready (I discovered that by the time we got to the hotel it was already after one o'clock); I went back to my room feeling a little like a teenager as I reported back to Edward. He didn't seem to think it was as surprising as I did; he just chuckled to himself and said, "way to go, Jasper."

Alice picked the lunch spot. We were all pretty hungry; Alice and I had big chicken sandwiches while the boys ate greasy cheeseburgers. We stole fries off their plates and chatted about random things – Alice's show, the people she'd met the night before; we also asked lots of questions about what Edward and Jasper were like in college and they delighted in telling embarrassing stories about each other. I had never really been on a double date before, but it was nice. The four of us got along well and it was nice to see Jasper open up and Alice relax; she'd been so anxious leading up to the night before.

She was still nervous though; she had yet to hear from Angela what the fashion insiders thought of her show. I'd catch her checking her Blackberry and frowning, like she was expecting a missed call. Jasper would brush his fingers over the top of her hand and just look at her in such a way, it was hard to explain. Her shoulders would loosen up and her grimace would disappear completely.

We took a walk after lunch; Edward and Jasper pointed out pieces of architecture they liked and interesting places that tourists wouldn't typically see. I knew they were just showing off, but it was still the perfect day.

I should have remembered that I'm the biggest destroyer of my own happiness.

Edward and I went back to his apartment with nothing to do but spend time together; it was something we both knew was quickly running out. He had to work the next two days; his supervisors weren't too keen on giving him as much time off as they had over the past month, so today was our last official full day together. We were all leaving on Saturday.

Between one movie ending and another beginning, I realized Edward was staring at me. It was something he did fairly often, but it felt different this time; I knew he had something he wanted to say, something I'd been avoiding hearing. I kept my eyes trained on the television.

"Bella," his voice was low and soft.

"Hmm?" It came out too high.

"What's going to happen after Saturday?"

"What do you mean?" _You know exactly what he means_.

He rearranged himself so he was facing me, with an arm slung over the back of the couch and a leg folded in front of him. "I mean, what's going to happen with us? Do things just go back to the way they were?" He still looked like he had something else he wanted to say.

I turned to mirror his position, my eyes downcast. _Tell him no, tell him you love him and can't imagine being apart. Tell him you want to stay with him forever. Make him smile, make plans, tell him everything._ "It can. I don't want to make things difficult for you. It'd be easier to just…revert…" I picked at one of my nails absently. _Don't do this to him_.

"I don't want it to just 'be easier'." He leaned forward a little. "I'm not…very good at this, but I know I want to be with you. I don't think I can do that if I'm in New York and you're in California."

Something prickled at that inside me. _You're trying to pick a fight;_ y_ou know what he's asking…Please don't do this. _"Are you giving me an ultimatum?" I looked up at his face; he looked hurt.

"No, I wouldn't do that." His voice was still calm. "I just…," he ran a hand through his hair. "I want to be able to see my girlfriend every day. I just want to figure something out with you. "

_He's being pretty damn reasonable about this_. "I don't want you to have to change everything just to accommodate me."

He let out a held breath, "why do you do that?" He had that crease between his eyebrows that he got when he was agitated; I remembered it from when he almost fought with those guys at the bar with Emmett.

_Because you hurt people; you think it'll be easier alone, easier to keep your pain to yourself._ "I'm not doing anything," I said lamely. "I just don't want you to go out of your way for me -,"

He made a mildly frustrated sound, "stop it. Just…don't. Look, I want…" he sucked in a breath and I already knew what he was going to say. "I want you to stay. I want you to stay with me. It doesn't have to be this difficult." He said it quietly and shifted his eyes down when he was finished talking.

I could feel a corner of my heart beginning to break. He looked vulnerable and my fingertips twitched with the urge to run my fingers through his hair. Y_ou're hurting him_. "I can't…do that."

"Why? Are you afraid to? You can stay with me; I'll help you. We can find a school -,"

"No," I didn't know what exactly I was saying no to; I just couldn't stand to hear the slightly pleading tone his voice had taken on. I knew I was reaching at this point. "I can't just uproot my life."

He scoffed, losing his patience. "What _life_, Bella?"

"I have a life down there; I have -,"

"Oh, give me a break! You spent part of your first trip here alone in a bar writing a letter to _yourself_ about how shitty you felt!"

"Maybe I should never have written it then…"

"You know that's not what I'm saying." He took a step back and paced a few feet away from me before turning back around. He pinched the bridge of his nose between two fingers. "I can't…" He let his hand fall back down to his side. "What _is it_? What are you so afraid of? What are you _hiding_ from me? I'm not stupid; I know this is what everything is really about."

I fought the urge to shrink back into the cushions. "Nothing…it's not important." _You bet your life it's important_.

"Dammit, Bella! Don't _do_ this. You can't close yourself off like this and expect me to stand by like an idiot waiting for the day you decide to let me in!" I could tell this was something that had been bothering him for a while.

_Don't let him leave; he's the best thing that's ever happened to you_. "So, what? If I don't suddenly change who I am, you're going to leave me?" _This isn't who you are_.

"No," his voice was controlled, "that's not what I mean. But Bella, how can you expect this to work if you're not being honest with me?"

"I'm not lying to you." I knit my eyebrows together.

"You're hiding something."

I was angry. "It's none of your_ business, _Edward!" _Push him away, it's what you do. _

"You _are_ my business. You hurt, I hurt." He took a step forward. I thought I recognized the look in his eye. "I want to know what happened."

_Pity. Curiosity._ I jumped up, my heart racing. "Don't look at me like that – don't look at me like you _feel sorry_ for me. I get enough of that at home. _Poor_ Bella; I can't _stand_ it! It's like everyone's waiting for me to just fall apart or something, well I _won't_."

"Dammit, you know that's not how I am, but I can't do this. It can't be a goddamn battle just to get you to talk to me, Bella -,"

"I have nothing to say, there's nothing I need to talk to you about. There's no 'opening up' that I need to do."

"Yes there _is, _and you're pushing me away because of it. What could possibly be so important that it's worth this?"

I didn't speak and it frustrated him even more. I wondered how long he'd been thinking about this and about how I'd tried to be normal for him and how that wasn't enough. I wasn't enough. I hurt people just by being myself.

"Get _over_ it," he spat.

I could see he regretted it as soon as the words left his mouth, but in that instant I felt a surge of protectiveness; I could feel it curve around my pain and my memories like armor. _Please don't do this_. The voice, some part of me I didn't totally understand, was getting fainter. My desire to protect my past was getting stronger.

I looked him in the eye and lied. I knew what to aim for – the one thing he wasn't sure about. "I don't want to stay here with you." I sighed heavily, "I don't want to lead you on, I don't…feel the same way about you as you feel about me." I couldn't look at his face as I said the last part. "I don't love you." My voice sounded weak and false to my ears and I prayed anyway that it would be enough; I prayed that it would be better this way. He would be able to get on with his life without me as a weight on his back.

I heard another piece of my heart break and fall away.

_Everyone I love leaves and it's all my fault._

I looked back into his eyes and saw something there I'd never seen before. Edward was a good man; he worked hard and never complained. He rarely asked for anything; he was selfless and had an easy smile. He was determined and smart and optimistic and kind. He liked ice cream and coffee and taking really hot showers in the morning. He trusted me.

I knew then that he really loved me. He loved me too much to ever try and force me to stay if I didn't want to. I could see it; I'd hit a nerve. He thought I was telling the truth; he thought I didn't want him.

_Tell him the truth! _

_Take it back! You can't do this to him! _

_Please, you can stop this! _

_He loves you so much._

I could see it in his eyes.

Defeat.

I knew I had just broken his heart.

* * *

Author's Note: Fret not! I know what I'm doing!

And in advance for you guys being so cool, I've put up a preview of the Tinsel Town sequel. If you go to my profile and click on my homepage, you can read it.

Many thank you's for reading.


	24. Chapter 24

Author's Note: I'm so happy you guys are still reading! Also, you're really cute when you fret :). Muchos thank you's. Ok, so this chapter switches points of view; I added a line break to show where.

Nice reviews are better than chocolate, unless maybe you're licking that chocolate off someone.

* * *

Twenty Four

_What have I done? What have I done? WhathaveIdone?_

It was my only thought; my steps were paced to it from the moment I left his apartment. I couldn't look at him anymore and I knew I might never get that expression out of my head no matter how quickly I ran away. Hurt. Defeat. Love. He was going to let me go; he thought I didn't want him. _But I do love him! I'm so in love with him that it terrifies me. _I tried to think of the reasons I left him as I ran outside and onto the sidewalk; I walked for a while and got hopelessly lost. I had this strange feeling I was walking in the exact opposite direction as my hotel, but I didn't turn around. I went the wrong way anyway.

I thought I was doing this for his own good. I wasn't right; I wasn't good enough. Cliché, cliché, cliché. It was easier this way; I would only end up hurting him with everything I carried with me every day. I thought about what it would be like if we tried staying together – I would grow distant, sad; I would push him away. It's what I do; it's what I did to Mike in the beginning of our relationship's decay. I would hurt Edward a little bit, day by day until I finally gave up trying at all. I knew he wouldn't ever give up; I knew he would try to join me, that he would lower himself to meet me in this place in my head I lived. That would wound him so much more than what I did tonight.

When I began becoming more aware of my surroundings, I realized I had found my way into what looked like a very bad neighborhood. I was fairly certain a drug deal was going on across the street and that they had noticed me. The two men, one much larger – the dealer I presumed – stared at me as I looked around for a street sign or anything that would tell me where I was. Before I actually noticed what they were doing I had briefly thought about asking them where I was; I laughed morbidly to myself at their probable reaction. It would serve me right.

The bigger man raised his chin and looked at me, a portion of his face blocked by his the hood of his sweatshirt. "You lost, little girl?" He called out. I couldn't tell if he seemed amused or angered by me.

I crossed my arms in front of my chest, wishing I had a jacket. I didn't know whether to answer him or keep walking, but in the end I was more afraid of ignoring him than not. I noticed a very expensive car empty of passengers idling a few yards from the men. I didn't see any other people. "Yeah," I called back in what I hoped sounded like an assertive voice. I suddenly felt very naïve.

Both men were facing me now; the smaller one couldn't stand still. I could see the constant twitch in his fingers as he paused to look at me. The man with the hood grinned part way, "where you going?" He took a couple steps into the street.

I was too afraid to give him the right address so instead I said "Gramercy." I figured I could get a taxi from there, assuming this man didn't kill me and dump my body in the gutter first.

He crossed the rest of the way to me alone and laughed; his teeth were unnaturally white. "You're in the wrong place, little girl."

I could feel my erratic pulse in various parts of my body and I prayed that he couldn't hear it.

He stepped onto the sidewalk, "what are you doing in Gramercy?"

I stuttered, "going home." I clamped my mouth shut to keep my teeth from chattering and tightened my arms across my chest.

He looked completely relaxed and stepped forward again, close enough to touch me. "It's early." He waited for me to say something, but my voice wasn't working anymore. He reached out and ran the backs of his fingers over my arm, from the shoulder to my elbow. I startled, taking a half step back. I tried desperately to remember which way I'd come from and fought the urge to turn around and look for a way out. "You should come hang out with me," he smiled, but it didn't look friendly.

I darted a quick glance across the street; the addict was shifting his weight from one foot to the other like he was about to do something. I couldn't decide if he was my only hope or if he was just going to keep watching. I looked back to the man in front of me and shook my head.

He still looked like he was about to laugh at me, like someone was going to jump out and say all of this was just a big joke. "Why not? I'll take care of you." He stepped close enough that I could feel his breath and when he reached out again he grabbed my arm firmly in his large hand.

I tried squirming out of his grip, feeling like an animal caught in a trap. I could hear something now, an odd strangled sound that I realized was coming from me. My eyes were beginning to water, but I could see that the man was still smiling.

And then he let go of me.

He chuckled, "I was just playing, little girl."

He said something else, but I didn't wait to hear it. I took off running; I had no idea which way I was going. As I increased the distance, I heard his howling laughter echo off the buildings.

* * *

I tried to find her after she walked out on me.

Maybe because I'm a masochist, or maybe because even though I denied it, I really would stand by like an idiot waiting for her to let me in. That thought tugged at me as I walked aimlessly, hoping I'd catch her before she got too far.

When I finally convinced myself she wasn't anywhere nearby, I went home and tried calling Alice. I gave her as few details as possible, but she put together enough to know that it was bad. Our short conversation was the closest I'd come to just asking Alice what had happened to Bella to make her so shut down. But I still felt like I'd be betraying Bella by fishing for information from someone else. Before she hung up, she agreed to ask Rose and Emmett if they'd seen her without raising their curiosity and to call me with any news.

I was lost and frustrated; I was hurt most of all and getting angrier for feeling that way. I didn't believe the things Bella said.

At first.

I'm ashamed to say that I stayed up all night; I stayed up and waited for Alice to call, or Bella to call, or anyone that could shed some goddamn light on what was going on. As the night wore on, anger trumped any other emotion I'd been feeling. I didn't know what the hell was wrong; I didn't know why she couldn't trust me, why she hid things from me, why she was lying to me. I let her into my home and into my life; she knew my history, my beliefs, my likes and dislikes and I was beginning to realize I knew almost nothing about her. I started to think that maybe I'd fallen in love with someone else, someone I thought she was or wanted her to be. I began to think things that started with _'how dare she'._

But I still stayed up all night.

At six o'clock I took a shower and got ready for work; I forgot to make coffee so I grabbed one right outside my building. It was still very early so I walked to work, trying lamely to stop myself from glancing around for Bella. I bought another coffee from a place across the street from my office and then grudgingly went inside.

Jasper was already there, bent over a sheet of paper with a T-square in his hand. I checked my watch; it was only a little after seven o'clock; Jasper was like a trained monkey when he was involved in a project. He looked up when he heard me walk in, "morning, you look like shit."

I didn't have the energy for a comeback so I grunted my disapproval and sat down.

Things didn't get any better from there. My boss yelled at the both of us for having to push back the Phase Two deadline on our university addition; he said it was because I'd had too much time off. I don't know, maybe he was right; I didn't care enough to argue.

I began to really drag as the day kept going and I couldn't for one second get my mind off the night before. I replayed everything over and over and then went back through all the conversations we'd ever had. I should have known this would happen, but how could I have? How could I have known that she'd strung me along all this time; how could I have known that she would just walk away?

Even with all that, I still went to her hotel after work.

I went to Bella's room first, hoping to avoid involving Alice again if it were at all possible. I knocked and waited, knocked and waited again; after the third loop I walked over to Alice's door. She answered after the first knock. "Edward," her voice was high; she sounded surprised to see me.

"Have you seen Bella?"

She sighed, realizing I wasn't in the mood for pleasantries. "She asked me not to call you," she looked down at my feet as she spoke. After a hesitation, she opened the door wider to allow me inside.

"Where is she?" I asked once I was inside.

Alice walked to the bed, which dominated the space, and sat down heavily. "She's out with Rose and Emmett; they know something's wrong but they don't know what."

I let out a breath, "_I_ don't even know what's wrong. Alice, she just…she left. She won't talk to me; I don't know what the hell is wrong with her…or me, or both of us. I can't touch her, you know?"

Alice looked up to where I was standing near the window. "She's had a hard time; she's lost…a lot. We all thought she just needed time, but…," she trailed off. "I don't know; I wish I had answers for you."

_Tell me what happened to her_. I made a sound of frustration, "is this even worth it? Do I just wait?" I knew I didn't have the right to ask her that, but I couldn't keep from doing it anyway.

She said pretty much what I expected her to, "that's not my decision to make for you."

I thought about it, the anger and frustration mixing with the hurt and confusion; was it worth it? Did I even have a choice at this point?


	25. Chapter 25

Author's Note: I'm so glad you're still reading. Ok, so the sad stuff isn't quite over (I had to let nature run it's course), but after this chapter things will start looking up. I swear.

Nice reviews are better than chocolate, unless maybe you're licking that chocolate off someone.

* * *

Twenty Five

It was Saturday.

Saturday.

They were leaving today. Their plane left in two hours and eleven minutes and though I decided last night that I was just going to let her leave like she'd made clear she wanted me to, here I stood outside my building waiting for Jasper so we could go to the airport together. He had wanted to spend the whole last day with Alice, but had been called into work. I felt guilty impinging further on his last few minutes with her, but he said he'd share a cab to the airport with me when he was done at the office (which was walking distance to my apartment).

I checked the time again and debated briefly just going without him when a cab pulled up and a door flew open. He leaned out, "we're going to be late," he said in a rush. I jumped in and barely had time to close the door before we took off.

I looked at Jasper and gestured toward the driver as if to say, _what the hell? _

"Oh, yeah I told him I'd double the cost of the ride if he got us there fast enough."

We swerved into the turning lane, cutting off a line of cars. The driver yelled something in German and kept going.

"Did you stipulate that we had to get there alive?"

I don't know how we made it there as fast as we did with all our parts intact, but we managed. Alice called as we were pulling up to the airport, saying they couldn't wait much longer. Jasper handed the money to the driver who smiled and counted it before we ran inside.

He saw the group before I did and ran over like I wasn't there, scooping Alice up off the ground. They shared a conversation I couldn't hear before he set her feet gently down on the floor. Alice glanced at me with sympathy in her eyes, "she's buying a book."

I nodded a quick hello to Rose and Emmett and then looked in the direction Alice pointed. I saw Bella walking back toward us; it didn't look like she'd seen me yet. I looked back at Alice to ask her something, but she and Jasper had returned to their own universe and I didn't want to disturb them. I steeled myself and walked over to Bella. From the second I saw her I was ready to forget about everything she'd said before; I was ready to do anything just so long as she stayed with me. The couple of days that had passed since I'd last seen her were miserable and I didn't think I could take any more like that.

Bella was fiddling with her carry-on, opening it and depositing her new book inside. I wanted to help her; I wanted to take her bag off her shoulder and carry it for her. I was about ten feet from the rest of the group when she looked up and saw me; she stiffened visibly which I took as a bad omen. Everything I wanted to say somehow evaporated as she came closer. I stepped into her space and looked at her. "Bella," I wanted to pick her up and take her back to my apartment. "I wanted to say…to ask you…" I knew what I was potentially doing, but I did it anyway. I tried to be honest, to be persuasive, but it came out as a desperate plea. "Don't go, Bella, stay with me. I can't just let you leave like this." I stared at her, trying to read her face.

She shook her head and I tried to hold my heart together. "Edward, I can't. I've already caused you enough trouble -,"

"You haven't. Please just stay here; whatever you need me to do, I'll do it. Just stay. Bella," I sighed, "I love you, I'm…so in love with you," I didn't care that I was begging. I reached out and touched her hand, "please, let's go, just…come with me." I held her hand tightly like I was going to make her stay by force.

She looked down at my chest as she spoke. "I…I can't do this right now. I'm sorry," she pulled her hand away. "I've got to go." She turned around and walked past the point where I could follow her without looking back even once.

I stared long after I couldn't see her anymore.

I felt a small hand curve around mine, but I didn't turn around. I knew what I was doing; I was waiting for her to come back. "Edward," Alice squeezed my hand. She faced me and wrapped her arms around my middle and I hugged her back. I did it so as not to be rude, but soon I was holding her just as tightly as she was holding me. Her eyes looked watery when she pulled back. She spoke quietly, "I'll talk to her, ok? She loves you Edward; she's just…I don't know."

I said an awkward goodbye to Rose and Emmett before they all trooped off in the same direction Bella went. Alice turned around once to look at Jasper before she couldn't see him anymore. He sighed and clapped a hand on my shoulder, squeezing once. He and I had never been particularly affectionate, but I appreciated the gesture nonetheless. I turned around and Jasper followed me to the cab line.

I gave the driver the address to the Old Town Bar and practically dared Jasper to say something. It was only about six o'clock, but I needed anything to keep me from thinking. All the analyzing never did anything good for me.

To say that I drank myself into a stupor would not be overstating things. I didn't really know what kind of drunk I was; I didn't get many "opportunities" to test it out. Tonight I was quiet. Jasper tried to fill the silence for a while, but eventually just let me have my way. We sat side by side; Jasper nursed his drinks slowly as I lined mine up, one after another. I lost count after a while. When Tanya came on duty I had sense enough to tell Jasper I was ready to leave. At least, in my head that's what it sounded like I said; I knew I was slurring. I could barely stand.

We walked the short distance to my apartment and I was apparently courteous enough to wait until I got inside before I passed out.

When I woke up I was in bed on top of the covers. My shirt was un-tucked and my shoes were off, but I was otherwise completely dressed. I could still feel my wallet in my back pocket. I didn't want to move; that would mean I was awake and that everything was real. The urge to get sick dominated anything I wanted though. I hadn't felt this way since college. I laid on the bathroom floor until I was sure my stomach was empty before standing up. I felt a wave of dizziness and closed my eyes until it passed. _Shit_.

I could smell food coming from the kitchen and wasn't sure if it made me feel better or worse. I walked out to see Jasper dressed much the same way I was, standing over the stove of my seldom used kitchen. He glanced at me quickly before turning his attention back to whatever he was stirring; he looked too awake for his own good. "Hi honey, I made breakfast."

_Oh God_. "Oh, God," I rubbed my face and went in search of aspirin. He handed me two and a glass of water before I could even open a cabinet door. I used all my energy to raise an eyebrow at him. "Who are you?" My voice sounded like gravel.

"Shut up; I don't do this for just anyone. Did you know you don't have a dining table?"

"I'm aware," I leaned my elbows on the counter and put my head in my hands. After a moment, I looked over at the stove, "where'd you learn how to cook?"

"My mom said it would come in handy some day."

"And today is that day?" I asked dryly.

He ignored me and grabbed a couple of plates, "ok, this is Southern food so you're probably shaving years off your life by eating it, but it's the best breakfast you'll ever have." He handed me a plate. "There are biscuits and gravy here, scrambled eggs, and cinnamon waffles with honey butter. Eat." He pulled orange juice out of my fridge and poured two glasses while I piled as much food as I could fit onto my plate.

"Did I have the ingredients for this stuff?"

"No, all you had were two eggs and five cartons of ice cream. I went out when I woke up."

I took a bite of the waffle. "Holy shit, Jasper."

He grinned, "yeah, I know."

Jasper stayed at my apartment for most of the rest of the day until I was pretty sure my misery was bringing him down with me. He tried to ask me about it, but I didn't feel like talking. I felt like wallowing. So he was quiet, flipping through channels on the television trying to find something that wouldn't remind me of Bella. He eventually settled on watching one action movie after another. It didn't help; every female face on the screen reminded me of her.

I wondered if I would feel this way forever.


	26. Chapter 26

Author's Note: Thank you's and good things all around!

Nice reviews are better than chocolate, unless maybe you're licking that chocolate off someone.

* * *

Twenty Six

"Bella, you're being so _stupid! _That man would do _anything _for you and you just threw him away!" Alice had lost all patience; I didn't blame her. After a week of going to work and ignoring her phone calls I knew she was bound to show up at my door. But I didn't want to hear it; there was nothing she could possibly say that I hadn't already said to myself. _So what the hell is my problem? _I think I was afraid that at this point everything had gone too far; there was no way Edward would take me back after what I did to him.

"Alice, it's too late -,"

"No it isn't, just call him or e-mail him or something. You know he'll wait for you; Bella he loves you and I know you love him too."

"I can't; I've already hurt him too much. I would just keep -,"

"_Dammit_, Bella! I am so sick of hearing that. What is it? Do you _like_ being alone? You push people away so you can do - what? You're _miserable!" _She paused to take a breath. "I blame myself, we let you be and let you be and now you're this," she gestured toward me.

"Thanks."

"You know what I mean. Look, I'm sorry about everything you've been through, I am, but not everybody is going to leave you, Bella. The only reason you're alone is because you leave people first," she sighed.

The rest of the conversation sounded much the same. We would lose our cool in waves until we were exhausted and the sun had gone down. By the time she left I felt even worse and I had a lot more questions than answers. _Playing the victim now, are we? _

Rose and Emmett both called; Rose offered to talk and Emmett offered to beat up Edward for me. He still didn't entirely understand what was going on. They tried for about a week before giving up and leaving me be.

And then I really was alone.

Edward's and Alice's voices turned over in my head constantly until I couldn't pretend to ignore them anymore. They were right. They were right? A part of me knew they were; it was the same part that was terrified that the phone hadn't rung once in three days. The same part of me that knew I couldn't get through this on my own, that I needed my friends, that I needed Edward. That I also needed more help than they could give me.

I sat at my computer holding a small stack of paper which was growing day by day; I added another sheet and straightened out the one at the bottom of the pile. I'd crumbled it up at first. I looked around, my apartment felt especially small today; checking my clock I saw it was my favorite time of afternoon. I grabbed my phone and keys and headed to the beach.

Sitting on the sand, I tried to let the sound of the ocean drown out the direction my thoughts were heading, but I still started to wonder – why am I hanging on to this? I stared harder into the water.

The sun was kissing the horizon when my phone rang and I answered quickly without checking the caller ID.

"You sound excited to hear from me."

It was Jacob. I was equal parts happy and disappointed. "Hey, what's up?" Jacob was the only one that didn't know anything bad had ever happened in my life, he didn't know about my habit of self sabotage. His ignorance was my bliss.

"So, I'm in Newport, feel like dinner?"

"Sure," I said before I could change my mind.

"You don't mind that it's early enough we're practically senior citizens?"

I laughed, "that's ok." I hadn't eaten all day. I don't know why.

We met at a restaurant/brewery in the heart of Balboa's main drag. Jacob ordered the biggest pizza they made with almost everything on it and a couple of different microbrews for us both. Between my ravenous appetite and Jacob's normal level of hunger we polished off the entire thing. "So, are you going to tell me what's bothering you or should I just guess?"

"What?" He took me by surprise; I thought I was faking it pretty well. "I'm fine."

"Guessing it is then, so…embarrass yourself in front your students?" He paused, watching my reaction. "No, more serious than that, is Alice mad at you?"

I sighed, "no, well yes sort of, she just cares is all." I took a small sip of my second beer of the evening and watched him think over my answer.

"Alice is a good friend; you should probably listen to her."

I looked into my glass and nodded.

He leaned forward a little, "ok, no more depressing stuff. I want to tell you about my new car."

I wasn't really interested in cars, but Jacob's enthusiasm for the subject made me smile; I thought he might get along well with Rose…maybe. He talked for a long while about the tub of rust he called a car that he rescued from near death. He said it was a classic and that he was going to fix it up so it ran like new. It was what he spent most of his spare time doing. As a matter of fact, his project was the reason he was in Newport that day; he had a friend nearby that owned a shop specializing in rare car parts.

Over the course of the next two weeks I saw Jacob three more times. He started bringing pictures of his work in progress with him to show me over pizza and beer. During our third dinner together, he pulled out a new picture. He smiled in a soft way that told me it wasn't a picture of his car as he handed it to me. "Things just got serious; I didn't want to say anything before and jinx it." The girl was very pretty in a sort of fierce way, like she didn't put up with much. Her dark hair was long and swept off her face as if by a low breeze. He told me more about how they met. He was driving in L.A and she was riding a bike; he almost hit her making a right turn at an intersection. He laughed and made some comment about how people in L.A don't ride bikes anymore and she called him a bastard. It was love at first fight.

We were just about finished with dinner when he brought up Edward; I'd forgotten he knew about him. My previous lightness faded and I took a drink before answering. "Things didn't really work out." I paused and then couldn't help myself, "I screwed things up pretty badly. I've screwed everything up pretty badly." I'd like to say it was the beer, but I'd only had a glass. Whatever it was, I told Jacob about what happened in New York, the awful things I said to Edward. It felt good and bad and my mind was split on how I wanted Jacob to react. One half wanted him to understand why I did it, the other half wanted him to judge me, put a label on the horrible things I already thought about myself.

He was quiet, but to his credit he didn't look away from me. He put his elbows on the table and leaned on them. He gave me a half smile, "Bella," he sighed, "you really know how to fuck up a good thing, don't you."

I know he meant for it to be taken lightly, but I felt the tears prick at my eyes anyway. I nodded, but didn't trust my voice enough to use it.

"So, now Alice has had enough too," he said, remembering our first dinner together.

I bit my lip and nodded again.

"So have you pretty thoroughly pushed everyone away except me, then?" He already knew the answer so he didn't wait for me to say anything. "Well, Bella…" he trailed off for a second; it looked like he was debating saying something. "I think you need to face some things. You're being a coward; it's not a good look on you."

I couldn't keep my mouth from opening, but I kept quiet.

_He's right_.

_Two Weeks Later…_

"They left and I wasn't…strong enough." I twisted my hands in my lap, looking down at them.

"So instead, you're saving yourself the heartache by leaving first?" It was part question, part statement.

I nodded, "yeah…yes." I raised my head enough to see the name plate at the edge of her desk. The desk itself was a heavy looking restored farm table; it was the color of white sand. The whole office looked like the beach, actually. The floors were a bleached wood and matched the bookshelves; there were sheer blue curtains which were the same shade as the pillows on the couch I was sitting on. I could see the ocean from the window. "I don't set out to, but…I start to think it would be better for…whoever it is if I were gone. And I just end up hurting them and myself."

"Are you punishing yourself by sabotaging your relationships?"

I wasn't sure how to answer that. I raised my head again and looked at her hands, they were moon pale and kind; she had long fingers. I bit my lip.

"Why?"

"I don't deserve them, relationships." I was hoping she'd let me stop talking, or say our time was up. She tilted her head and kept watching me; her hair was the color of a caramel candy. "People around me get hurt inevitably; I attract it or something." I looked back down to her name plate and spoke quietly, "I feel guilty."

"Why do you feel guilty?"

"Because I lived and they didn't."


	27. Chapter 27

Author's Note: I virtual curtsy for you all, many thanks. Also, finally! I've had this ready to post since yesterday morning.

Nice reviews are better than chocolate, unless maybe you're licking that chocolate off someone.

* * *

Twenty Seven

_November 22__nd_

I had been too scared to answer the phone; I didn't want to hear the disappointment in my friend's voices. So I had ignored them and now I had to face them. But if I wanted to even remotely hope that they'd forgive me I had to come out of hiding. I started with Alice; I figured that would be the most difficult.

I decided to drive into L.A and see her; I knew she would be at her store and as a shameless bribe I brought her favorite chocolate chip cookies with me. I put the container in my purse and walked out of the parking garage into the overcast day; it was still strangely bright despite the cloud cover.

I missed Alice, more than I even realized before that day. We had talked since coming home, but it wasn't the same; the conversations were brief and non-invasive. After our initial fight, neither of us brought up New York again. I didn't even know how things were going with her and Jasper; I knew they were still together and that she seemed happy, but that was all. I had been a bad friend and I wanted to make it up to her; I just wasn't sure how. _Be honest_.

I opened one of the big glass double doors and walked inside. "Just a second," Alice called from the back. She came out a minute later holding a mannequin head with red lipstick on. She froze for just a moment before relaxing again. "Oh, hi, what brings you to L.A?" She turned back around and stuck the head on a shelf just inside the stock room door and then moved to sit behind the glass counter.

I felt awkward which mostly just made me feel stupid; she was my best friend for crying out loud. I walked around the counter and sat on the stool in front of the register. "You." It came out sort of like a question.

Her gaze flickered up to mine and she sighed. "I don't want to do the whole you're sorry I'm sorry thing. Look, I understand…or I'm trying to…"

"I'm sorry anyway. I just want us to be ok again," I looked at her, still not sure what else to say. I wondered if I was just born with the ability to suck at human communication.

She nudged me playfully with her elbow, "we'll always be ok."

"I promise not to be all stupid and evasive and a crappy friend anymore…and I brought you cookies."

"And chickenshit. Gimme."

I handed her the bag and laughed at her adjective use; she was Alice, she could call me what she wanted.

Even though she said she didn't need an explanation, I gave her one anyway. I told her everything that I'd held back since we got back to California, even telling her about Jacob calling me a coward.

"He's not allowed to call you that."

She volunteered me for cashier duty since the one that was supposed to be there called in sick. We caught up between customers. She had gotten offers from several stores to stock her clothing and was working double time to get orders filled. I didn't know what help I could be, but I offered it anyway.

She closed the store early on Sundays, so by six o'clock we were sitting in a little coffee place splitting a deli sandwich in half. "So," she started out slowly, "there's something else I wanted to tell you."

I took a bite of my food and nodded.

"I've decided to open a second store."

I smiled and put the sandwich down, "oh, that's _great_ Alice!" And it was, no jealously, no pangs of guilt, I was just happy for her. It kind of surprised me.

She smiled too, but it looked a little forced. "I'm opening it in New York."

She said it like she was ripping off a Band-Aid. At first I didn't entirely understand what she was getting at. In my head, I was thinking – oh, that's wonderful; New York will be the perfect place to open her store. Then I realized what she meant. "Oh," I still felt the residual happiness for her, but I could also feel something else – separation anxiety. "When?"

"Jasper is helping me scout locations right now; I'll be going back mid-December and then if all goes well, I will go there permanently at the end of January." Alice looked like she was waiting for my inevitable meltdown.

"Are…are you getting your own place?" I felt strange, sad and happy and worried and a little anxious. _It's called a normal human reaction_.

She shook her head and then did something I had never seen her do in all the years I'd known her; she blushed.

It shook me out of my sadness, "Alice Brandon, are you shacking up with Jasper?"

She grinned, "you make it sound dirty." She told me she'd planned on finding an apartment, but in a roundabout way Jasper suggested his own. We talked about the move and I interrogated her until I knew as much as she did. I still had the sad, happy feeling, but I trusted we'd both be ok. She said so after all and besides, she can see the future.

Alice and I were walking to the parking garage before she brought up Edward. "Have you talked to him since September?"

I shook my head, "I'm afraid it's too late."

"It's not," she paused, "he misses you."

We got into her car; she was going to drive me up to the second level to mine. "Have you…talked to him?" I wondered if she could hear my heart beating.

"No, but Jasper has."

"Does Jasper hate me too?"

"Not at all, and Edward doesn't hate you. He's just hurt, but he wants you back." She pulled in next to my car.

I played with the door handle, contemplating jumping out and running away. My car was just a few feet from where I was, I could get in and forget about this whole day and I knew Alice would forgive me. "I don't know how to make things right with him."

"Why don't you show him those -,"

"They're too personal," I said before she could finish.

"You have to open up to him sometime; he deserves that much."

I sighed and stared out the window at my car; I knew she was right. _Dammit. _"When did you get to be so smart?"

"I was born that way."

Alice's voice was stuck in my head the whole way home; she was right, I did owe him an explanation. I just didn't know if that would be enough. _Enough for what, exactly? _I didn't really expect him to forgive me; I just didn't want him to be unhappy anymore.

At home I grabbed the box I'd kept Edward's letters in, with a few more additions it was now almost overflowing. I sat it on top of my closed laptop and ran my fingers over the smooth wood; it was mahogany and had a lock in the front. The brass key sat next to it on the kitchen table; it had a sage colored tassel hanging off it. The thing cost way more than I should have ever paid just for a box, but I thought it was beautiful. I stuck the key in and turned once, leaving it in the lock when I was done. I leaned back in my chair and kept staring; the box seemed to be getting bigger the more I studied it and I kind of hoped it would get big enough for Edward to jump out.

I laughed to myself. It was the week of Thanksgiving and my school had all five days off, at this rate I'd be officially crazy before Thursday. I should probably have made plans or gone out anywhere, but because I couldn't resist, I opened the lid to my laptop and signed into my e-mail, something I hadn't done since before New York. I was afraid of the various things I might find. I had a few e-mails from the online service I'd used to buy my plane ticket, three from Rose with baby pictures of David, two raunchy forwards from Emmett, nothing from Alice, and nothing from Edward. Not even an I hate you e-mail.

I bit my lip and weighed a couple of things – what I wanted to do and I what I should do, possibly stupid versus probably more responsible. I moved my gaze from the screen to the box of letters I clung to, from the box to the table.

It wasn't exactly an epiphany and I wasn't exactly certain if it would even remotely work, but I knew what I was going to do.

* * *

Author's Note: Sorry this chapter is so short, but I needed some transition. The next one is not short.


	28. Chapter 28

Author's Note: Thank you for reading and double thank you if you're liking it.

Nice reviews are better than chocolate, unless maybe you're licking that chocolate off someone.

* * *

Twenty Eight

_November 23__rd_

I fucking hated autumn in the city. I hated the chill in the air and the changing leaves and how I knew Bella should be here to see it and how I would let her wear my coat when we were outside even though she would be swimming in it. I hated how the smell of her had faded from my sheets and how a week after she left me I found the fucking ice cream spoon we had used the last night she was here under the bed. And I hated how much I hated Jasper's happier than I've ever seen him expression he wore every day now that he was with Alice. He was playing my script; he was happy and Alice was moving here to work and be with him and I was coming home to an apartment that didn't have a dining table and was so empty it actually echoed.

My buzzer sounded and I hit the button without asking who it was; I unlocked my door and sat back on the couch, flipping on the television. I searched for the appropriately unromantic in the least movie and settled back.

"Hey, I called for Chinese," Jasper said as he came in and shut the door.

"Good, I'm starving," I hadn't eaten all day. I don't know why. I put my feet up on the ottoman while Jasper helped himself to a beer from my fridge. He handed me one and kicked off his shoes to mirror my position.

He studied the screen, "what are you watching?"

"You've never seen Bullitt? That hurts."

"Steve McQueen, right?" He said it absently like he was referring to the latest no talent winner of some reality show.

I chuckled, "right."

We watched quietly for a little while longer until my buzzer sounded again; I mumbled an immature "finally" and got up to let them inside. I waited impatiently for a knock, debating on just opening the door. When they did, I swung the door open; the delivery guy had on a bright red track jacket and matching hat. I paid him and walked toward the living room, but before I could get there someone knocked on my door again.

"Maybe he forgot something," Jasper said from the couch.

Instead of putting the bag down I carried it back to the front door with me much to Jasper's dismay. I opened the door and didn't see the bright red track jacket. I saw long dark brown hair and pale as cream skin that I had tasted over and over again and that I didn't have to touch to tell you exactly how soft it was. I saw dark, tired eyes and slightly chattering teeth behind full lips. I saw someone holding a small suitcase and dressed completely inappropriately for the cooler temperatures of November in New York.

She stared at me and I stared back at her.

Somewhere behind me I heard Jasper call out a question that I wasn't going to answer. I heard him get up, probably to see what I was doing. "Oh," he said. A few seconds later I could hear he had put his shoes on as he walked over to the door. "Uh, Bella," I saw him nod at her from the corner of my eye. A weight it took me a moment to realize was the food bag lifted from my hand. "I'm gonna…go." Neither of us moved so he had to squeeze past us in his haste to get away.

I still hadn't said anything, but I opened the door wider to let her in; she set her suitcase against the wall next to the door, probably in case I kicked her out in the next few minutes. The television was still on and it reminded me of the last time we were in my living room and I wondered how this time would end. It was awkward; we didn't know where to focus and I noticed her eyes flicker momentarily toward the television. She looked at my face, but not in my eyes. She nodded as I shifted my weight from my left to right foot. "Bullitt." She said.

I crossed the yard or so distance between us in two quick strides. I grabbed her around the waist and brought her to me hard and my mouth was on her and she tasted just like I remembered, no, maybe better. She responded and parted her lips and I just couldn't get over her taste and her smell and somewhere my responsible side was asking me why she was here in the first place, but I didn't care, I just missed her so fucking much. I walked us backward in the direction of the hallway and when she wouldn't move fast enough I lifted her up and carried her to my room.

Her legs were already around my waist when I dropped us both on the bed. I pushed her shirt up and I heard a quiet, murmured "wait" but I didn't and then her shirt was on the floor all I could see was that pale as cream skin. I undid the first two buttons on my shirt and then pulled it over my head and even though I knew she wanted me to wait she was sitting up and unfastening my pants. I kicked them off along with my socks and got to work pulling her jeans down her legs. Her shoes and socks were already off. I moved over her and I knew I was too rough, but I didn't really care and I knew if I bit down just a little where her neck met her shoulder it would leave a mark so I did. She made a small sound in her throat and I wasn't sure if I'd done that to punish her or what, but I liked the noise it elicited.

I reached a hand behind her and unclasped her bra while she put her hands into my hair and pulled. When that was off I made short work with the rest of our clothes and then because I couldn't help it I let myself really look at her and she was beautiful. She looked vulnerable and a little nervous and I wanted to claim her as mine. I moved over her and then I was inside of her and she felt so good and I wanted to say that I didn't mean to be so rough, but maybe I did, so I just kept quiet. She made breathless drawn out noises in her throat and I dipped my tongue into it's hollow and let her ride it out. When her moans dropped an octave and her legs tightened around my waist I couldn't hold back any longer so I closed my eyes, but I could still see her face and it felt so good and I thought again about how much I'd missed her.

I repositioned us so we were under the covers and it crossed my mind that the sheets would smell like her again and I wondered how long that would last. She was on her back and even in the dim light I could see that I really had left a mark on her; I moved a little closer and kissed the fresh bruise and then wrapped an arm around her middle and half laid on top of her like I was going to keep her from getting up.

"Edward."

Her voice was small and still a little breathless. "Hmm?" I said into her skin.

"I'm sorry."

I let out a slow exhale and wasn't really sure how to respond.

She continued, "I wanted to talk to you."

"You could have called," I ran my fingers over her and for some strange reason, I was a little nervous. I wanted to tell her that I forgave her, but something told me that she needed to talk and I needed to listen.

"I know," was all she said.

I leaned up on my elbows so I could see her face, "you don't have to do this right now."

She ran a hand through my hair and it felt so good that I closed my eyes. "Yes I do."

I grabbed her around the middle and flipped us over so she was on top; she put her head on my chest as I ran my fingers from her waist, up her back and into her hair, looping up and down slowly as she began talking.

* * *

"Bells, don't do this." He rubbed a hand over his face in frustration; he was never very good at human communication, especially when the other human was his daughter. He fisted his hand at his side. "Dammit Isabella, he's not _worth_ it!" He watched as I ignored him and zipped up my suitcase; in my mad rush I zipped up the fabric of something but I didn't really care.

I stormed past him and a part of me knew that this was something I wouldn't be able to just undo whenever I felt like it, this was for keeps.

I ran down the stairs toward the door; I knew Mike was waiting for me at the curb. "You can't just walk out of here and not tell me anything, how am supposed to know where you are or if you're even alive?"

"I'm eighteen; I don't have to tell you anything. Besides, what do you care?" I called over my shoulder.

He grabbed my arm, forcing me to swing around and it surprised me; he rarely touched me at all. "Bells," his voice was still angry, but had lost its edge, "I know I haven't been the best father to you and I want to make it right. But…Bella, that boy is no good for you."

I shrugged out of his grip, "why do you suddenly have an opinion? You haven't even tried to get to know him; you haven't given him a chance, you haven't _anything_ Charlie. You're never even _here_! "

He sighed, "I'm going to change that, but Bella -,"

I shook my head, "no, too little, too late." I walked out on my father and just like I knew he would be; Mike was in his car waiting for me.

It was the first time I ran away from someone I loved.

Mike held my hand and called me baby and gave me a tissue when I started to cry. We made the trek south mostly in silence, our pitifully small suitcases the only other things in the car.

Mike had a cousin or something that lived in California and set us up in a piece of crap apartment in Studio City. I applied to UCLA on a whim one day after passing the campus during a job hunt, but didn't really expect anything to come of it; I just knew I wanted to go to college one day. I got a job at Starbucks because I lied on my application and said I had barista experience. I didn't exactly suck at it, I was quiet and did what I was told and was just barely good enough to not get fired. Mike got a job in construction and for a while we were actually able to pay bills. We got a hand-me-down couch from his cousin that we eventually had to duct tape the corners of to keep the insides inside. We slept on a mattress on the floor and bought a cheap dresser that was small but still too big for our clothes combined. Mike pilfered some leftover wood from a construction site and made me a makeshift bookshelf that I painted a color called 'fog'; I put the three books I'd brought with me on it.

In the spring I found out I'd gotten into UCLA. I hid it from Mike for a week; I'm not sure why. When I told him, he was wary until I said I'd get financial aid and could keep my job anyway. He stuck my acceptance letter on the fridge and took me out to dinner at a nice restaurant that cost us a week's worth of groceries. As fall got closer, his enthusiasm grew. He helped me pick out classes and drove me to meet with an advisor. I decided to major in early education.

For a long while we were happy. Money was tight and we still didn't have a proper bed frame or any furniture really, but things were good. I made friends with Alice who introduced me to Rose and her then boyfriend, Emmett. He intimidated the hell out of Mike I think for the fun of it. I could tell they weren't all that crazy about Mike and for his part, he wasn't very social around them. It didn't really bother me though; they gave me a taste of real life and I enjoyed every second of it. They took us to bonfires at the beach and to football games and Emmett took us all out to the desert to teach me how to drive an ATV, which I was not successful at. We took a camping trip to Joshua Tree and unbeknownst to us, set up camp right next to a hive of some breed of bee. After a middle of the night evacuation to a different campsite, we spent the dwindling darkness treating each other's stings which hurt like crazy, but the whole situation was so ridiculous we had to laugh. Emmett took a picture of all of us covered in calamine lotion. That morning we went rock climbing and I spent most of that time picking myself up off the ground.

My relationship with my mother blossomed over those four years I spent in college; she had found love of her own and had settled down permanently in Arizona. I called her on Sunday nights to tell her about my week and to listen to stories about her latest obsessions. She tried often to get me to talk to my father, but I always refused. I felt the chasm between us like a physical force and I didn't think I'd be able to cross that space. I didn't think he would ever forgive me and I realized a long time ago that I really had nothing to forgive him for. She gave up after a while, but tended to add bits of information about what Charlie was doing near the ends of our conversations.

I graduated and then immediately entered a program that would allow me to get my master's concurrently with my teaching license. I really did want to be a teacher.

After eighteen months I was offered a position with Our Lady of the Sea and Mike was promoted. Our pay raises allowed us to finally leave Studio City so we moved to a ridiculously expensive apartment in Balboa that we loved. We furnished it with new things and Alice threw us a housewarming/Emmett started a gym/Alice is going to start her own clothing line party. A week later Rose and Emmett were engaged and I owed Alice ten bucks; I thought for sure he'd wait until his gym was off the ground. They were married after six months in a beach ceremony; Alice and I were bridesmaids.

Alice guessed that I was pregnant during the reception.

I had just found out and didn't want to announce it before the wedding, even Mike didn't know. She promised to keep quiet until I could tell him. I was terrified and I thought for sure he would freak out and leave, I mean, we'd been together for years and weren't engaged or even close. Getting married wasn't high on my priority list, but there wasn't anything that would force him to stay if he didn't want to. So when I told him I cried, thinking this would be the last time I would ever see him and he surprised me. He was ecstatic. He said everything was officially coming together and that he'd never been happier and promised that he would take care of the both of us no matter what happened.

I was even more afraid of telling my mom. I called her and tried to work up the courage, but then decided for some reason that I needed to tell her face to face. While I was coming up with a reason to get her out here I found out she was in Washington. Without telling me, she had been working on Charlie to get him to come out and see me, but he was being as stubborn as I was. When she was finally fed up with it, she flew out there to see him. My mother was pretty persistent when she needed to be.

I knew then that it was time to make things right; I'm not sure what brought about the stroke of maturity, if it was the baby, or the fact that I really was doing well, but I asked her to bring him out here to see me if he was willing. She was predictably thrilled and told me not to worry, that she would get him to California even if she had to tie him up and throw him in her trunk.

A couple of days later she called to say she'd been successful; Charlie had kind of a thing with planes so they'd be driving. She wouldn't say how she'd convinced him, just that she had and that she didn't have to do anything morally questionable to do it. I think she also knew he had never quite gotten over her. I told her then that I had news, but that I wanted to tell them both when they got into town. My mom wasn't keen on waiting, but I refused to just blurt it out over the phone.

I felt guilty about the whole situation, like I was using making up with Charlie as an excuse to get my mother to California. Would I have even planned on telling him if it weren't for my mom? That was a question I wasn't really ready to answer so I tabled it for the time being and prepared myself for an inevitable confrontation, told Mike to play nice, and waited for driving status updates from my mother. They were making the drive down the coast over the course of two days and by the end of the first day she was ready to kick him out of the car and leave him at the Oregon border. She told me they were going to drive for a little while longer and then find a place to sleep (in separate rooms on different floors, she added).

I got the call about the accident some time before dawn. In my half awake state, I didn't understand the things they were saying. They were asking if this was Bella Swan in Balboa, California and if my parents were Charlie Swan and Renee Dwyer and they apologized profusely and I didn't know what for so I stood up to clear my head. It woke up Mike and he sat up and turned on a light and then the man on the phone introduced himself as officer something and then he apologized again, but this time I asked him why. My heart sped up and he said there was a car accident and I flashed back on the question he'd just asked me – "were my parents" and not "are my parents." I saw that the power had gone out sometime during the night and I stared at the flashing numbers on the clock face on my nightstand. He said he was sorry again I told him to stop saying that and then he told me – my parents were dead.

And I just couldn't stop staring at those flashing red numbers.

My friends came over; Mike called them, but I kicked them all out except Mike. He was quiet and left me alone.

The services were strange. My father belonged in Washington and my mother belonged in Arizona so I made two flights and went to two funerals and it reminded me of a skipping record. I didn't do a eulogy; I discovered some time during all of this that I couldn't speak. My mouth was full of rocks and if I moved wrong I would choke on them. People kept touching me and Mike wasn't around to act as a buffer; he couldn't get off work. I wanted to tell them to stop, but I was too afraid of choking and dying. So everyone just kept putting their hands on me and I couldn't get away.

At night my mind wouldn't shut off. It was cold and accusatory. _My fault, my fault, my fault, myfaultmyfaultmyfault. _

I couldn't turn it off because I knew it was right and I couldn't be strong enough for both myself and the baby I had never told my parents about.

So I lost that too.

My friends were waiting for me at the apartment when Mike and I were back from the hospital; I asked them to stay this time because this loss was too much for me to numb my way through. Alice and Rose locked themselves in my bedroom with me for three days and I told them if I'd had a girl I would have named her after my mother and if it were a boy I would have named him Christopher. They were quiet when I needed them to be quiet and they told me stories when I needed something to drown out the accusations in my head. I cried in the shower when I didn't think they'd be able to hear. Emmett and Mike didn't really know what to do so they cleaned, bought groceries so I wouldn't have to, fixed something on my car, and kept their voices down.

After another week I went back to work even though they said I could have more time off, a few days after that I learned I was my in my father's will; he had left me everything which included a full pension, his home, bank accounts and any back pay he might be due. My mother's will split her assets between me and her husband, Phil.

So I had gotten my parent's killed and then taken the scraps when they were gone.

I let Mike deal with everything.

He got a property management company to rent out my father's house and I insisted we give my half of my mother's estate to her husband even though Phil said no. It didn't occur to me then that it might be painful for him to have it too. I put my father's money into savings and haven't touched a dime of it.

After a month I started returning phone calls.

After three months I could almost pretend that I didn't blame myself, hate myself, have dreams about dying with my baby in that car accident too, that the guilt and mental decay wasn't killing me from the inside out.

After six months I learned to live with it.


	29. Chapter 29

Author's Note: Thank you all for the support; I'll pass out bowls of Edward's ice cream as a thank you after the story is finished. Random fact - it's about to rain here which makes me happy for two reasons. Reason Part A: that means it's finally too warm to snow and Reason Number 1: rainy weather is my favorite and yes I realize I said A and 1, but my reasons are equal in value and I didn't want to diminish one by giving it a 2 or B status because that's just how my strange little mind works. Also, I saw a man with Edwardesque hair today and it was more than a little nice.

Nice reviews are better than chocolate, unless maybe you're licking that chocolate off someone.

* * *

Twenty Nine

I hurt for her and felt completely helpless so I wrapped her up and let her cry on my chest despite that I could tell she wanted to get up. There wasn't anything I could say and I refused to spit out one of those empty platitudes about being sorry or them all being in a better place. At any given time, I wasn't sure what I really believed in anyway. So I held her and tried not to let my frustration show. I tended not to wallow; I was more of the problem solving type. Although to say that now - after the autumn I'd been having - was probably not true anymore, but I digress. So I swallowed the helplessness that had begun showing itself more readily since Bella left and held her and let her tears fall on me.

She fell asleep after a while; I kept her close and re-memorized the smell of her and let the things she'd said turn over in my mind. Bella had been through a lifetime of pain within the span of a few years, a few days if you wanted to get specific. When she repeated the last thing she'd ever said to her father – too little, too late – she cried again and clung to me and said nothing she said to him was true and that nothing she left him for was worth anything now.

She wanted to take everything back and I wanted so badly to give that to her, even if it meant that she and I would have never met.

I didn't sleep at all and sometime during the night she woke up; I heard her sniffle softly and press herself closer although she was already laying on me and couldn't get much closer. It wasn't as comfortable as it had started out, but she could lay there forever if she wanted to. I ran my fingertips over her back and felt her softness and the guilt that came with being too rough with her earlier. She sighed and I angled myself so I could see part of her face. "Hmm?" I asked.

"Nothing, that just felt good."

I knew she meant more than just my hands on her back. Before I could say anything more, my stomach rumbled and it made her laugh. "I didn't eat today," I grinned and she leaned up on her elbows to look at me.

"I didn't either unless you count airplane pretzels."

"Want me to get you something?"

"That's -," before she could say no her stomach growled as well. I moved her to my side and stood up, fumbling in the dark for my underwear, but came up with only my pants instead. I slipped those on and tossed Bella what I hoped was my work shirt. I held my hand out to her and walked over the cold wood floors into the kitchen.

I opened the fridge and looked inside, hoping something had materialized in the last few hours; I opened the freezer with the same expectation. "Well, I have a block of mozzarella and a head of lettuce, oh, and one apple. In the freezer…Neapolitan, chocolate, vanilla, and mint chocolate chip ice cream and two bags of frozen broccoli." I looked at her with what was probably a sheepish expression and she smiled at me. She looked completely drained, but also a softer kind of happy than I'd ever seen on her face before.

"How do you live?"

I grinned crookedly, "I manage. Plus Jasper tends to order food when he's here; I always have dibs on leftovers." I raised a hand and ran it through my hair.

She reached in and grabbed the apple. "Want to share?" She held it out for me to take and I did.

We went back to the bedroom and shared the little apple and I was surprised that it was enough to take the edge off my hunger. When we were done I pulled her into my side, but she resisted.

"My hands are all apple-y." She held them away from me and the sheets.

"So are mine, I don't care."

"I don't want to get your sheets dirty."

I grinned, but didn't say remark that immediately came to mind. Instead, I dragged a wet thumb across her collarbone then licked away the apple taste it left there. She wrapped her arms around my neck and pulled me close; I settled partially on top of her and waited for her arms to relax before I looked up. She was smiling.

We fell asleep in that position and what felt like five minutes later, my alarm went off. It startled us both and if it hadn't been an absolute necessity I would have thrown the alarm across the room and gone back to bed. I had a meeting that morning about the university addition and my boss was still not pleased with all the time I'd taken off when Bella was here the first time.

She rubbed her eyes and breathed in deeply. "Work?" Her eyes were barely open and were also a little red and swollen.

I brushed some hair off her face. "Yeah, will you stay here today? You have free reign."

She blushed a little. "Yeah…I didn't get a hotel room…I was sort of putting all my eggs in one basket." Her blush got deeper when I smiled at her.

When I left, Bella had gotten up, but I was pretty sure that was just for show. I went down the block to get coffee; I wanted to eat, but didn't have the time. I walked to work, hoping the chill in the air would wake me up. I was happy, but I knew even that wouldn't quite disguise how tired and hungry I was. I got another coffee outside my office and took the slow elevator ride up.

Jasper wasn't there when I got to our office, so I spent the time re-editing the update we were giving. It was hard to focus though; I couldn't stop thinking about Bella's story. She had told me everything, but I wondered – has she ever gotten help? Would that be rude to ask? And sure, she told me what happened to her, but that doesn't mean everything is ok now. What would stop her from leaving again if she got scared? All of that mixed with my absolute elation that she'd come back at all. I could be satisfied with just that, couldn't I?

I didn't even realize Jasper had come in until he threw a Styrofoam container onto my desk; he followed it up with a plastic wrapped knife and fork. "What would you do without me?" He asked and went over to his desk.

"I'm sure I'd be dead in a gutter somewhere." There were two Creole omelets, my favorite, inside that I devoured. "What? No orange juice?" I said after I finished.

"Don't push your luck."

"You're the one that took dinner away yesterday."

"I figured you'd be too preoccupied to eat." He looked up from where he was gathering papers on his desk and looked at me. "How'd it go?"

I couldn't force down my grin, "good, really good."

"Be careful, man."

I nodded and then thought about his warning for a second juxtaposed with my building worries about Bella. "I think it'll be ok."

We got back to work after that; I knew Jasper wouldn't want details and I didn't really want to give him any. The meeting went well; the breakfast gave me enough energy to concentrate on what I was supposed to say.

By one o'clock I was ready to get some lunch; I stood up from my desk and slipped my jacket back on. "Lunch?"

"Naw, I've got some stuff to finish up first." He looked at me like he was debating something. "You look like shit."

"You say that to me a lot," I chuckled.

He huffed a small laugh, "look, if you want to head home I'll cover for you. Nothing is really time critical today."

"Really?" I brightened.

"Yes as long as you don't get all best friends forever with me. See you tomorrow." He went back to his work and I walked out before he could change his mind.

I let myself into my apartment in a hurry, anxious to see Bella again. I didn't see her in the kitchen or living room so I walked into the bedroom. The bed was made and our clothes were all picked up; the bathroom was empty and it was at that point I started to worry. I walked into my office knowing she probably wouldn't be inside it.

She wasn't.

I walked back into the living room and looked around; her suitcase was missing from it's spot near the front door. I ran a hand through my hair and felt a little lost in my own apartment. In the kitchen everything was exactly how it was left the night before. I looked around again.

It was as if she'd never been there.

This wasn't right. She was supposed to be here, watching television, or reading, or checking her e-mail, anything that involved her being where I could see her. But she wasn't. It felt like the walls were moving closer and it was getting a little hot; I tried not to let my mind go there, but knew it was no use. Had she left again? Had something happened while I was gone? Or was there an emergency? Or was she just always going to run away?

My heart beat faster.

I took off my jacket and put it away, loosened my tie, rolled up the sleeves of my shirt a little ways, but it wasn't enough to keep my mind remotely occupied.

I didn't hear the key in the door, but I did hear it open. I was standing in the kitchen trying not to think at all when Bella came back. Her arms were loaded down with bags and for a second I was surprised she could carry them all at once. I stood dumbly staring at her.

She closed the door with her foot and then gasped, making a little high pitched noise in her throat. She let out a breath. "Edward!"

I shook myself out of my stupor and ran over to help her; I couldn't make my voice work so I just grabbed most of the bags out of her hands.

She had gone grocery shopping for me.

"Edward? Are you ok? I wanted to restock your kitchen before you got home. Are you here early? What time is it? It was sort of supposed to be a surprise, I found the spare keys in one of the kitchen drawers," she rambled when she got nervous.

I put everything down and wrapped my arms around her slim waist.

She was wearing my Yale sweatshirt.

I murmured into her hair, "thank you for the groceries; sorry they couldn't be a surprise." She could tell something was wrong, but didn't say anything. She pulled me closer as I mentally berated myself for thinking she would just take off again. But I couldn't deny that it was on my mind; would I go there every time I didn't know where she was?

Was this the new normal?


	30. Chapter 30

Author's Note: Lovely vibes and good thoughts to you all, you make my day.

Nice reviews are better than chocolate, unless maybe you're licking that chocolate off someone.

* * *

Thirty

I felt kind of like an idiot as I helped Bella with the groceries. I wanted her to trust me, to be with me, and I didn't trust her back. I practically had a panic attack because she went out without telling me; she didn't have to tell me – I wasn't in charge of her. I'm the one that came home early in the first place. Did I really think so little of Bella?

Mostly, I was just thinking too much in general.

I let her decide where things would go in the kitchen and followed her lead; we didn't talk much and I could tell she was worried, but I didn't know how to bring it up. How do you tell someone you don't trust them anymore? Was my mistrust warranted?

After the food was put away, Bella leaned back on the counter and sighed; I had a feeling I wouldn't have to be the one to say something. She looked down at her feet, crossing the left over the right and then back; she pushed up the sleeves on what I now considered her sweatshirt. "Can I – I mean, I'd like to…show you something." She looked back up at me and I nodded. Without checking to see if I was following, she pushed herself off the counter and walked into the bedroom. She pulled her suitcase out from under the bed and opened it; there was a wooden box that took up a good portion of it. I watched her unlock it and saw that the box was stuffed full with papers. Some were plain white, like printer paper, some were lined with frayed edges, some were large, small, ripped in half, a few looked like colored pieces of construction paper.

She sat on the bed with the box in her lap; her fingers ran over the edges of it carefully. "I keep your letters in here," her voice sounded small. "When I left before, I wrote to you on the plane, but I didn't think it would be enough…you know? Then I wrote the next day and then the next while I was at work – those are the construction paper ones," she smiled part way. "If you don't have…plans, I'd like for you to read them, I guess you don't have to do it now, they're kind of silly…I just wanted you to know…" she trailed off and shut the lid of the box and handed it to me like she was giving away her first born.

I took it from her and scooted closer. "Thank you," I kissed her cheek and she closed her eyes and was quiet.

"I promised Alice I would check on a few things while I was here, if you don't mind, I'd rather not be here while you read," she bit her lip.

"That's ok."

I walked her out and hugged her. When I got back to the bedroom I settled onto the bed and sat the box on my lap; the letters seemed to be in no particular order so I took one off the top. It was light blue and the writing was green. It was dated October 7th.

_Dear Edward, or more likely Dear Myself because I'm an idiot and Edward will never forgive me let alone read this, _

_It's been over three weeks and I still won't do anything – no e-mail checking (I'm afraid it would be like running into an ex at the grocery store), no letter mailing, phone calls, impromptu trips to New York. I go to work and come home and wallow in the misery I've made of everyone's lives. I don't know how I got here. Alice yelled at me and I know everything she said was right, but I couldn't (didn't?) say so. Instead, I let her leave and now we're barely talking. Rose isn't very good at the emotional conversations, so we've barely spoken and Emmett just keeps offering to beat you up. I miss Alice and Rose and Emmett and mostly, I miss you._

The next one was dated October 23nd.

_Dear Edward,_

_I miss you and I want you back. I wanted you to know that I've been to see someone, to talk I mean; it's still too weird for me to even write the word "therapist." She's nice, not in the therapist way, but in a more genuine way. I just thought I should tell you. _

November 15th –

_Dear Edward,_

_I don't expect you to ever forgive me, but I want to apologize regardless. I never meant to hurt anyone, you especially. I thought I was leaving for your own good, that you'd be happier without me, that you'd get over me and realize what a mess I was, or am, and realize that you were better off. I am so sorry I hurt you. I'm sorry I ran away. I'm sorry I lied about how I felt about you. I'm sorry for holding back. I'm sorry for everything._

September 26th –

_Dear Edward, _

_No one understands why I left, even I don't all the time. Please try to forget about me. I'm no good, I cause pain, the people around me get hurt, I'm not strong enough or together enough or smart enough. I'm not enough for you. You deserve so much more than I can give you._

The one dated September 19th, the day she flew back home, was a sheet of paper ripped out of the end of a book. It was page 563. I don't think it was even intended to be a letter. It read simply -

_What have I done?_

November 22nd –

_Dear Edward,_

_I know I've said this at least once already, but it bears repeating – I don't expect you to ever forgive me. But I do owe you an explanation; I feel like I owe you so much more than that, really. You were so wonderful to me and I threw it all away out of something as stupid as fear. Of what, exactly? I don't know, I've lived with that anxiety for so long now. I don't know what I'm afraid of. That I would hurt you? But then I hurt you anyway in the worst possible way I knew how. I threw everything back at you; I denied the both of us every ounce of love I felt for you. You trusted me and I didn't deserve it. I don't know if you'll ever trust me again, or if you'll even ever speak to me again, but I have to try. I owe it to us to try._

_I just wanted you to know that the things I said were a lie. I did want to stay with you, I did feel the same way about you as you felt about me, I did love you. I still do. I may for the rest of my life._

I read through the rest of the letters carefully. Some were crushing, soul wide open pleas for understanding; some were only a line long – _just wanted to let you know I was thinking of you. _Some were just lists of what she did that day – _it's Saturday, cleaned the bathroom, went to the bookstore (didn't find what I was looking for), re-organized some files on my computer, nobody called, sitting on the beach now._

The common threads were obvious, pain and almost unbearable loneliness. I wasn't even sure if she realized it or if it was something she'd lived with for so long that it was just another part of her life.

There was a letter for every day Bella had been gone.

When she got back, I immediately turned her around and we left. I wasn't sure where we were going until we got there, but when I saw the tall gate and the people sitting on benches with newspapers or walking inside, it seemed like the right place. I produced the key out of my pocket and let us into the park. She didn't say much and I didn't either, we both knew what I wanted to talk about. I had a - this is your last chance, now or never - wave of nerves, but I wasn't one to prolong the inevitable.

I led her to a smaller path and we sat at one of the benches; she leaned forward, heavily resting her elbows on her knees like she was about to have an anxiety attack. She breathed deeply, but didn't say anything.

"Bella, your letters…they were -,"

She shook her head, "we don't have to talk about them, I just wanted to…shed some light…"

I mirrored her position. "Well…thank you for letting me in."

She nodded, still looking at the ground. "I'm sorry for what I did to you."

I wanted to tell her to stop apologizing, but I don't know, maybe she needed to. "You're already forgiven." I watched the corner of her mouth turn up for an instant. We sat like that for a minute while I gathered the courage to get to the point. "Bella -,"

"Mm-hm?"

"I still want you to stay."

Her gaze remained fixed on something I couldn't see.

"I just…I don't want to lose you again. I can do whatever you need me to do, if you don't think you're ready -,"

She looked at me. "Edward," she sat up and I followed; she stared at something on the bench. "I'm not…I want you to know…I'm not very good at this. I'm working on things, but it…may take a long time." She looked at me again. "Ok, you should know – sometimes I'm just sad and I don't always want to talk about it and I'm healing, but it's slow and you can't push me too hard. I mean…well, maybe a little, but not really and I would need to find a new therapist -,"

I leaned toward her. "Are you saying yes?"

She heard me, but kept talking anyway. "but I think I could get a good referral from my doctor in California. Oh, also, I talk in my sleep…a lot -,"

"I know that already," I grinned at her nervous ramble.

"And I'm kind of disorganized and your apartment is so nice. And sometimes I break things, like glasses and stuff. And I'm really clumsy, like ridiculously so and I'd usually rather stay in than go out and -,"

"Bella, you don't -,"

"I'm just trying to prepare you. I want you to know what you're getting yourself into."

I moved a little closer and took her face in my hands. "You're not going to scare me off."

"…and I hate leaving dishes in the sink…"

I kissed her forehead.

"…and I lose things and…"

I moved closer to her mouth.

"…and I don't really like coffee…"

I grinned against her lips, "well now… that's just unforgivable." I kissed her and it was slow and perfect and there was nothing else that needed to be said.


	31. Chapter 31

Author's Note: Ok, there's one more chapter and an epilogue left after this one. Thank you guys so much for reading this whole epic thing; I really appreciate it.

Nice reviews are better than chocolate, unless maybe you're licking that chocolate off someone.

* * *

Thirty One

The week was too short and I started to resent not just the clock in general, but how it counted time more slowly when Edward wasn't around and more quickly when he was.

He took me to the airport before dawn on Sunday morning so I wouldn't miss my flight even though I told him it wouldn't be the end of the world if I did; that's why substitute teachers were so wonderful. He kissed me goodbye near security and waited until I was on my way to the gate before he left.

I tried to sleep on the plane, but found it impossible.

Edward and I had made plans.

Just thinking about it made my palms sweat and my heart thump more forcefully. So here it goes – my time in California was officially ending; I was moving. To New York. Was I scared? Terrified. No, actually I don't think that's strong enough. Thinking about it honestly made me want to bolt, but I knew I loved Edward too much to ever truly consider it again.

Look at that - I'm growing.

A plan in my more immediate future was for Alice to pick me up from the airport, so imagine my surprise when I saw Rose and Emmett waiting for me near the exit. I was a little scared, Rose looked pissed, Emmett looked amused. I walked over like a kid that had just been caught doing something wrong. "So, you take off to New York and don't even tell me?" She stood with her arms crossed over her chest.

I swallowed. "Where's David?"

Emmett answered, "babysitter's. Welcome back, by the way."

Rose cleared her throat to get my attention, obviously not buying my subject change. I sighed. "Sorry, Rose. It was kind of a last minute thing, even Alice didn't know until I was at the airport."

She huffed, "you do the most romantic thing I've ever heard of and I didn't even know about it."

"I'm romantic," Emmett said defensively.

"I know you are," Rose said without looking. "So? Do you have good news or should I buy some liquor?"

"It's good news," I tried to smile through my nerves.

I didn't have to go to baggage claim, so they took me back to my apartment while I relayed, not entirely by choice, all the particulars of my trip. I told them about the first night, skipping the more graphic details, and how well Edward had taken it – no running for the hills or anything. I talked about making a miniature Thanksgiving dinner mostly because I knew Edward would be able to eat the leftovers for quite a while. I said that I'd seen a couple of the possible locations for Alice's store and it was while we were all walking into my apartment that Rose finally stopped me.

"Ok, so that's all great and everything, but get to the news part."

Emmett agreed and made himself comfortable on the couch. I sat next to him and Rose sat on my other side; I had the distinct sensation of being surrounded. Emmett slung an arm over the back of the couch and looked at me with bright eyes like he was expecting gossip.

"You have to promise you'll let me tell Alice myself," I looked at them both and they said yes. I knew telling her wouldn't be too difficult, she was moving too after all. It was this part I was afraid of. "Ok, so we talked about it and decided…" I did good dramatic pause, but I wasn't trying to tease them. If I announced it, it would make the move all the more real. "I'm moving to New York." I said it. I said it and the world didn't end; in fact, nothing bad happened at all and for the first time I was actually…excited.

Emmett smiled widely and put a hand on my shoulder, partly squeezing and partly shaking me. "I _knew_ you had it in you!"

Rose leaned forward, her eyes wide. I looked at her and bit my lip, waiting for the explosion. She took a minute to compose herself. "Ok, I'm going to need to talk to Edward again -,"

"What? Why?"

"It's her process," Emmett answered.

"Well, first – when are you leaving?"

"He's going to come out here for two weeks during Christmas to help me get things ready. We're leaving after that."

"Are you moving in with him?"

"Yeah." I noticed Emmett grinning at my answer.

"Are you still going to teach?"

"After I get situated, I will." She pursed her lips and nodded slightly. "Can we be done with the third degree now?"

"I suppose, but let me add that I can't believe you're going to leave me with just Emmett for grown up company."

"I take offense to that," Emmett said, but I could see he wasn't all that offended.

"I still want to talk to Edward though."

"Can it wait? He's probably sleeping; we had to get up at 4 this morning." The thought of a surprise wake up call to be interrogated by Rose was something I wouldn't wish on an if I could stop her from questioning Edward, even if I was only delaying the inevitable, I'd consider it a job well done.

Rose asked for a few more details before Emmett decided it was quitting time. I hugged Rose goodbye and as she was walking back to her car, Emmett squeezed my shoulder. "You're going to miss me."

I smiled, "you're probably right. Is that your way of asking for an invitation to visit?"

"Yes."

"Consider yourselves invited," he hugged me and said I had officially been granted permission to leave.

Once they were gone I checked my cell phone, knowing I'd have at least one message from an impatient Alice. I had three. "Hey, just making sure you're still alive. Rose insisted on picking you up so she could find out what happened first since she was the last to know about your little trip. Call me!"

I listened to the second one – "hey, I want to know what happened too, you know! Call me when you get this."

They were getting more urgent and I know it was probably not a normal reaction, but it made me laugh. "Isabella Swan, are you ignoring your best friend? That's it, I'm coming over." I deleted the messages and called her back. She was yelling, but not at me. "-ing jackass! What the hell is wrong with you? Oh, Bella, hi!" Her mood shift was startling.

I grinned, "are you yelling at strangers, again?"

"Yes, it's one of the prerequisites for driving on the freeway. Hold on, let me put the ear thing on, I don't want to get a ticket or something." Alice was notorious for her road rage which, despite her stature, was quite intimidating. "Ok, I don't want any details until I get there, but give me the basics; I'm about five or ten minutes away."

I was trying to be nonchalant, "it went well."

She squealed excitedly into the phone and I heard clapping which made me wonder what she was using to steer. "You're moving to New York! I _knew_ it!"

My mouth opened part way. How does she do that? "Uh -,"

"Well? Am I right?" I could practically hear her bouncing in her seat.

"You're right." I held the phone away from my ear; she operated on a higher frequency than most people.

"Ok," she calmed herself. "I'm just about there. Are you hungry? I'm starving. Come outside, let's get some food."

Some people might find her bossy, but I thought she was just right. And I really was pretty hungry.

She waved at me as she passed by to parallel park next to someone's driveway; when she was done, she hopped out and jogged across the street. "Mexican?"

I agreed after I figured out she was talking about the little hole in the wall food place she loved to go to. We walked the few blocks while she asked the same questions Rose had and by the time we walked into the little restaurant, my stomach was growling. We ordered some food to-go and took it down to the beach. I told her about my walk with Edward in Gramercy Park and how he asked me to stay and I admitted to how terrified I'd been of whole situation. She just smiled and said I would be ok in a way that made me believe her even though she said it between bites of a gigantic burrito. She also lined up a couple of places to take Edward while he was here during Christmas; he'd never been away from the east coast.

We talked for the better part of the day about everything, the things we had to do before we left, the things we were most excited about, the random things we'd miss. Pacific sunsets for me, driving for Alice – she was selling her car before she moved. She said she probably wouldn't need it and that it brought out a side of her she didn't want Jasper to see.

After a while, our conversation turned to idle gossip – who Alice had met in the last few weeks, who was nice and who wasn't, who had bad plastic surgery, the gold diggers, the underestimated, and the ones with the biggest egos. Before I knew it, the sun was going down. Alice and I sat in similar positions, with our legs stretched out; we leaned back with our hands in the sand. The horizon was just starting to tint from deep gold to layers of burnt orange, fading to a dusky blue at the top.

"You don't have to be scared." Alice stretched her legs, pointing her toes for a moment.

I thought about it while I watched the colors change. "I don't think I am anymore."

And I really wasn't.


	32. Chapter 32

Author's Note: Last official chapter (not counting the epilogue), thank you so much for reading; I can't tell you how much it means to me.

Nice reviews are better than chocolate, unless maybe you're licking that chocolate off someone.

* * *

Thirty Two

_December 20__th_

At first, the only one picking Edward up from the airport was me. And then somehow, Alice decided she was going to come too and then Emmett said something about always being left out of everything which meant that Rose and David were going to be there as well. My car wasn't going to be nearly big enough, so Emmett volunteered to drive his giant SUV to the airport. I would have told Edward when I talked to him that morning, but none of this was decided until Alice showed up on my doorstep, ten minutes before I was due to leave. Rose decided to drive (she said Emmett drove like an old man) and she sped with the same lunatic frenzy that Alice did, only without the cursing.

She pulled into a spot in short term parking and we piled out. Emmett strapped something I didn't know the name of to his chest and Rose slipped David inside; she said that it was for when they were out, but that she'd caught Emmett wearing it with the baby around the house. She also said that just the day before she'd found Emmett asleep on the couch with it on, the baby asleep on his chest. He defended that it was the only way he could get David to sleep.

I saw Edward carrying his suitcase away from baggage claim once we were inside; he turned his head toward me even though I was still at least ten yards away from him. He smiled widely at me and then looked over toward the baggage carousel like he was looking for someone. I took a couple of steps forward and glanced in the direction he was looking, but I had no idea what he was searching for until I heard Alice. "_Jasper!_" She screamed and ran over to where he was waiting for his bag as if she hadn't just been in New York two weeks prior, granted it was for less than two full days to finalize some things for her new store. He swept her up like she weighed nothing and pressed his face into the crook of her neck.

I didn't realize Edward had crossed the distance between us until I felt his hands on me, "I missed you," he murmured before pulling me into him. I held on tightly and was suddenly so grateful that he was here, that he'd forgiven me, that he'd come into my life at all – that I started to cry. It dissipated quickly enough and I tried to hide it, but he could tell. He held my face and swept his thumbs underneath my eyes and I smiled to assure him that I wasn't crying out of anything but happiness. He kissed me softly in a way that was fit for public viewing and I realized then how much I wanted to be with him in private.

Alice was welded to Jasper's side as they came to meet us, looking happier than I'd ever seen her. She was almost bouncing with all the excess excitement of being surprised by Jasper; even I didn't know he was coming. "Hi, Edward!" She gave him a quick hug and then resumed her position. He took a much quieter step forward and hugged me; I couldn't be sure if it meant anything, but when he stepped back, he caught my gaze for a long moment and smiled before wrapping an arm around Alice.

Once everyone was finished saying hello, we managed to squeeze into Emmett's SUV; Rose was still at the wheel. She drove us straight back to their house which was good because mine was full of mostly empty boxes and Alice's condo was tiny. Edward and Jasper didn't seem to care much about looking out the window during the drive, which I didn't mind in the least, I liked being Edward's preoccupation. We left the suitcases in the car for when we'd have to leave and it wasn't until we stepped outside again that Edward actually looked around. "Wow, this is great spot you have here, Emmett."

Emmett grinned proudly and led everyone inside. Standing prominently in their high ceilinged living room was a huge, perfectly decorated Christmas tree that hadn't been there on Friday, the last time I'd been inside. There were also stockings set up; I counted seven of them and smiled. Apparently, Rose had made a few plans for Christmas. There were coordinated presents already piled under the tree that matched the gold, silver, and ice blue decorations and tree bulbs. The star at the top was a white starfish. "You guys go ahead and relax, I'm cooking," Emmett went into the kitchen and I immediately heard things clanging.

Alice looked at Rose, "I didn't know he cooked."

She lifted one side of her mouth in a smile as she sat in an oversized recliner with David, "he means barbecue. I only let him around things that burn when he's outside."

The rest of us took our places on the two full sized couches in the room; we asked about the boys' trip, Rose grilled them each in turn, but it was at a much lower level than I was expecting.

Hmm, I thought to myself as I relaxed into Edward's side, she must really like them.

_New Year's Eve_

Have you ever had someone ask you the question – when was the last time you were really happy? Well, my answer would be today; actually my answer is all the time. Sometimes I catch myself wondering if I'm in some alternate plane, and maybe there's another me living the lonely, sad life I was meant for. A me who's hopeful and optimistic trying to piece together the shreds of life I had left.

Yeah, I think weird things like that sometimes.

A full body shiver kept me from getting too sentimental; despite the extra blanket and the fire that Emmett was steadily growing, I was freezing. It had been his bright idea to toss me in the ocean as a "proper send-off." I failed at my attempt to take him down with me and now I had sand and other various forms of beach stuck to me. I sat on a towel and leaned back between Edward's legs; he was sitting in my vacated chair. I felt him tug on my wet hair.

"Got it," I could hear his satisfied smile. He leaned around to show me some sort of sea weed.

"Very nice." I stretched my legs out in front of me, bringing them closer to the fire. Rose passed me an open beer bottle with a lime inside with one hand, her other held a baby monitor up to her ear.

"Emmett listen, I think I heard something," she pushed it at his face.

"Baby, he's sleeping," he put it to his ear anyway. "We're like, less than forty feet from the house, he's fine."

"I'm going to go check on him." Rose jumped up and jogged over to her deck. It was the third time she'd checked on David since the six of us trooped out to the fire pits after she put him down. She wanted to hire a sitter, but Emmett said he wasn't going to pay for someone to eat their food and watch their flat screen for hours when we'd all be right outside.

Alice stood up from her spot on a large blanket, an even larger one wrapped around her shoulders; Jasper grinned. Edward said he had it on good authority they'd be married within the next year. Alice raised a beer bottle. "I want to make a toast!" I had a feeling she'd had just about enough to drink. We all raised our bottles. "To Bella and Edward, take care of each other…or I'll kick your asses!" She started raising her bottle to her lips, but stopped short. "And also…to me!"

We laughed and Jasper raised his bottle higher, "to Alice," he tugged on her hand to pull her back down. We echoed his toast. I heard him say something about cutting her off before taking a slow pull from his bottle.

I could feel Edward lean forward; he rested his elbows on his knees. "It's almost midnight," he murmured.

Rose ran back out from the beach and into Emmett's arms; they didn't wait to start kissing.

I turned and Edward was close enough to kiss me; I smiled and he looked at his watch. "One minute everybody," he called; I heard Alice cheer behind me. When I glanced over, I saw that she and Jasper weren't waiting anymore either. I looked up at Edward and he grinned. "Are you ready?"

I knew he wasn't just asking about midnight.

I smiled wider. "Absolutely."


	33. Epilogue

Author's Note: Nice reviews are better than chocolate, unless maybe you're licking that chocolate off someone.

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Epilogue

I'd offered to help Alice unpack her things, goodness knows she had a ton of stuff, but she said not to worry about it. She'd hired movers and between them and Jasper, she didn't have to lift a single box. But I still hadn't seen her since she arrived in New York two days prior and I missed the little bundle of energy terribly.

I found a job substitute teaching, which I was planning to continue with until the end of the school year when I could look for a more permanent teaching position. I loved it, but wish I didn't have to work the week Alice moved. I was hoping she'd be able to get away from Jasper and the new store long enough for us to get together before Monday.

I was in the middle of a lovely dream involving Edward, an empty beach, and no clothing when I heard the shrill ringing of a phone. _It's a deserted beach, why the hell is there a phone?_ I rolled over in bed and covered my head with the blanket; I heard Edward fumbling on the nightstand for my cell phone. I peeked out and saw him open it and toss it by my head without answering; his eyes still closed. "It's for you."

Alice's bright, wide awake voice was on the other end. "Bella, why are you still asleep?" She didn't wait for me to answer. "Well, get up and shower, don't bother with clothes I'm bringing you something. I'll be there in a half hour."

I felt like I'd missed the part of the conversation where she told me what we were doing. Edward moved to lay on me, I felt him hook his cool fingers through the waistband of my pajama pants. I giggled and swatted at his hands.

"What?" Alice asked.

"What?"

Alice groaned, "eww, nevermind. Can't you guys wait?"

I changed the subject and rubbed a hand over my face, trying to wake up, "where are we going?" Edward lifted my shirt high enough to kiss my stomach; I felt like I was on sensory overload.

"Don't you know what time of year it is?" Alice asked, incredulous.

I thought about it, the second week of February? It wasn't Valentine's Day. I was lost.

Alice sighed, "it's Fashion Week! So tell Edward it'll have to wait until later. Bye!" She hung up without waiting for me to respond.

I felt Edward moving up so he could look me in the eye. "I distinctly heard her tell you not to bother with clothes."

Despite my lack of time, I pulled him closer. "She didn't mean it like that." I sighed, "I should get somewhat ready before she gets here."

He dropped his face so it rested on my chest. He mumbled, "does she do this a lot?"

"Yeah." I could feel his grin. "Get used to it."

He leaned up a little, "so…need any help in there?" He motioned toward the shower.

"Absolutely."

end

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Author's Note: Ok, so a few random things about this story:

I was born and raised southern California; I chose Balboa because it's my favorite beach in SoCal.

I based the school Bella teaches at on a real place I saw once driving with my mom a long time ago; it was unlike any other school I'd ever seen. My descriptions are from memory, with room for creative license.

During Alice and Bella's first trip to New York, Bella gets searched by security. They determine the underwire of her bra was what set off the metal detector. This actually happened to me a year or so ago; it was ridiculous. I've also been stopped because of bobby pins in my hair.

During the scene where Bella is telling Edward everything in bed, she talks about a trip to Joshua Tree where they camp unknowingly next to a hive of bees. This is a story from my own life as well, minus the stings.

I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it :)


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